Chapter 1
Here I am again I really thought it was over. They haven’t happened in two days. Whatever just let’s get through this, now is it mine or theirs? God, I hope it’s theirs I can’t handle one of mine today. I hate it when it’s like this, just black because it’s choosing whose mind we’ll be in. Whelp I guess it’s starting, she’s screaming again.
Her voice was scratchy and rough from years of doing drugs, smoking, and drinking I assume. The door shook as she slammed her hands harshly against again and again and again. He knew the old door would give way under her violent hits, but there was nothing he could do. He went hiding under his bed or in his closet I think he knew it would only end with her finding him and beating him harder. A few times he considered sneaking out the window, but there would be no coming back if he did that.
He knew there was nowhere to go and no one to help him. Leaving would mean being alone, and while he hated his mother, loneliness scared him more than any hit she could land. Loneliness meant being alone in this huge, dark world without anyone to keep him company and distract him from the horror of it all. He knew that many might consider loneliness better than what he had to deal with me sure do, but he knew better and I understood. The world was much more unforgiving than the wicked woman that called herself his mother.
The door slammed open to reveal his mother with her red eyes wide and a slight stumble in her step as she moved toward him. Her hands landed clumsily upon his shoulders, then she pushed him hard enough to slammed into his dresser.
“Why didn’t you come when I called you? Were you hiding from me? You know I don’t like it when you hide from me!“A hand came down hard against the side of his face, causing his head to snap to the side. "Answer me, you useless kid!”
“I didn’t hear you calling for me. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t hear me yelling! Did you sneak out again?”
“No, I didn’t.” he’s lying.
“Do you think I’m stupid I know you weren’t here?”
he whispers under his breath, ” Wow were you not drunk for once in your life.”
Another slap against his cheek made the skin burn fiercely. “Don’t talk to me that way I’m your mother and you’ll respect me! Do you understand me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“What was what that? Speak up, boy!”
“Yes, Ma’am!”
“Don’t yell at me! I should have given you away while I had the chance! There are plenty of couples out there looking for kids, but they’d never want someone like you. All you do is screw everything up! I had had a good life before you came around and do you thank me for what I do for you? No! You’re just a lazy, useless piece of shit!”
“Stop it!”
“Are you yelling at me? You just yelled at me! Who do you think you are?!”
She punched him right in the eye, no doubt leaving a bruise for when he wakes. She did it again to the same eye, then shoved him hard into the dresser again. His temple smacked against a knob, causing his vision blur. Sticky blood slid down the side of his face and into his gaping mouth. When he attempted to right himself, another blow to the head knocked him into the dresser again.
His world went black.
I wake up gasping for air, and the time on my bedroom clock read 3:48. Reaching over to wipe the sweat that’s running down my forehead, I can’t go back to sleep after that I never can and if I do there’ll be about one or 2 hours of it and I’m not even really asleep my eyes are closed. I should at least do something productive. I get up get out my math book and move ahead to the best chapter I’m at least 4 chapters ahead of the class already but this keeps me distracted. After a while, I close the book and try to find something else to do. I find myself in the small closet in the house that I’ve made into my little library finally choosing Stephen kings Different Seasons turning to the clock it’s 5:40 I won’t have time to read anything without being pressured so I set it down I’m disk.
I go back to the bathroom connected to my room. Stepping inside the shower with the water just enough to sting me but not burn me and I just stand there cause really what do I have to do right now. 20 minutes that’s as long as I’m in there for quickly I put on kakie jeans with a navy blue button up short sleeve shirt, my school blazer grab some shoes and my tie and head downstairs. I try looking for the clock that hangs in the kitchen but it’s not there and it throws me off more than it should not knowing what time it is, unsettling. Then I release I have my phone and things seem to calm down, right when I go to open my phone Emma my “nanny” walks in.
She takes one look at me and sighs, ” oh my boy, Finny did you get any sleep?”
“A couple of hours don’t worry I’m fine Nam.”
“Don’t lie to me, Griffin, I’ve known you since you were only 2 days old I know when you’ve had a couple of hours of sleep. Has the medication not helped at all?” For a second I think about lying again but the look on her face I know she’s really worried and if I lie I’ll just make it worse.
“No, not at all. I feel the drowsiness, but it just doesn’t put me to sleep.“I try not looking her in the eyes, but I know she’s frowning. I’ve seen it enough if anything I think I’m the reason she has the wrinkles she does, and it makes me feel worse.
“Well just try them for a couple more weeks and if they still don’t work we’ll go to the doctor.” I nod and as she walks into the kitchen I finally look at my phone and it’s 7:38.
“Hey, Nam I’m sorry I have to go I’m running late to pick up the boys.”
“But you haven’t had anything to eat?”
“We’ll grab something on the way to school. Love you bye.”
While driving out of my house my phone buzzes it’s probably Nate telling me to hurry up. Even though Nate has a car and lives about four houses down he prefers to get rides with me and I have no problem with it. He says he prefers my car which makes no sense because he has a better car then I do but I don’t question it. I pull up to Nate’s driveway and wave to Mrs. Turner while he climbs on to the passenger seat.
“You know you don’t always have to wave at her you know?”
“Last time I didn’t she was extremely offended.”
“Don’t take it personally she’s just lonely sometimes.”
“Yeah okay.” We don’t talk much on the way to Lukas’s house, but it’s fine. Nate and Lucas have to be my oldest friends, so I guess makes them my best friends. Which we are if you look at it we’re always together, in the same sports, live relatively close to each other. I grew up with them they almost know everything about me. Almost.
“Hey, Grif you okay there?”
My head jerks to the left because I hadn’t noticed I’ve got to Lukas’s and he was already inside. “Are you ok you were just starting off for a bit?
“Yeah, no I’m fine sorry I was just thinking of Ashley she wanted to go out but I’m not sure I’m up for it.”
“Just tell her we’re hanging out or conditioning together, I mean we can always do that anyway it’s been awhile,” Lukas suggests.
“I wonder why?” Nate sarcastically says rolling his eyes at Lukas I try not to laugh and pull out of the drive away and head to school.
“I’ve said I’m sorry a thousand times.”
“You broke my wrist!”
“It was an accident!”
I tune out this is like their 5th time yelling at each other for this and I’m uninterested or motivated to hear it. They’re great people better than everyone else we hangouts with but gosh they fight so much. Our school is a private school but everyone there like us have extremely rich parents, I wouldn’t know what a normal school is like or a normal private school. Everyone is smart or athletic there a handful that is both and that would consist of my hoard of friends.
When we get to school, I park in the slot been mine since freshman year near the exist so I won’t be stuck in the horrible mess of cars after school. As soon as I step outside, I’m attacked by Ashley.
“Hey, you haven’t answered my text in like two days is everything ok?” her blue eyes have this dim sparkle to them as if they’re sad I haven’t texted her.
“Sorry, it was a hectic weekend. I had tons of homework to do I just turned my phone off basically the whole time.” lying has become a somewhat easy thing for me and for no reason in particular.
“Yeah, whatever it’s fine.” She interlocks are fingers together and we walk to the front of school together.
Walking into school is one of the most annoying parts of my day because if it isn’t a giant scream of people talking over each other it’s people pushing and shoving you away. You would think these kids would have some manners. All the classes kinda drag on but English that class is one if not the only class I look forward to all day.
“Okay kids were are going to be starting a new book. One that you’ve all have probably have been expecting, we are going to be reading the Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I’m sure all of you think you know this book because you probably watched the movie but please do me a favor to forget the movie. It might have captured the picture of how it could have looked the movie was awful in representing the book as a whole. Gatsby isn’t a dumb idiot that only wants Daisy there’s more to him. This book is about the American dream. And if you keep an open mind, you will see you it is such a beloved story.”
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school seems to go by faster each day, Lukas on the way home continued to for to hang out but all I truly want is to have a nice maybe at least an hour of sleep. I’m thankful they understand and not pester me about it they know my sleeping schedule is horrible but they don’t know the half of it. On the other hand, they don’t need knowing it’s my burden and mine alone. I drop them off both home but even though I’m dying for some sleep right now I know I won’t get any once I get home. Home. I open the door quietly, so Nam won’t hear me I shut it the best I can without making a sound and sprint to my room. I lean against my door and just stare at my bed. God, I’m so tired. I grab my sketchbook from my desk and I just start drawing.
Drawing for me is the closest I get to sleep its relaxing, I’m able to express myself, and while I’m drawing I zone out. I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen my self-draw I pick up the pencil and when I look again the drawing is finished. Sometimes it’s just random things I saw that day or memories mine and not. I look down to the paper, and it’s Ashley, the way she looked at me this morning with sad eyes. She’s so beautiful I could probably never draw her right but today her eyes they were hers. Placing the drawing sown I lay down on my bed just to stare at the ceiling. Stars. My ceiling is filled with them big small scattered everywhere. I try counting the points of the stars, but I close my eyes at 30.
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