If I Fall

Chapter One

“Emily, where the hell are we?” I asked, eyeing my surroundings. Emily just turned down a dark alley and I had this bad feeling grow every second. I went to roll down the window, but my older sister had locked them.

“Look, you wanted to tag along.” She says.

I retorted, “One, that doesn’t answer my question. Two, I curious where you go when you disappear every week.”

Emily glared at me, and she drove down another dark road with broken buildings and alleys. “It’s not bad El,” Emily tilted her head. “Maybe a little. Just be quiet and wait until we get there.”

“Why do I feel like something bad is about to happen?” I ask her, holding my stomach. “Because you’re boring,” Emily responds, which wasn’t the right answer.

“Where are we going Em?”

“If I say, you’ll try and talk me out of it.” Emily made herself sound more mysterious. I looked out the window at our bad surroundings and became quiet. I started to think that this was all a joke and part of some horror movie. Emily made another turn, and our surroundings turned bleak. The buildings thinned out, but I was glad there were sidewalks and streetlamps, signifying that there was civilization.

Emily parked the car on a curb and got out.

“Is this safe?” I ask.

“Get your butt out of my car, El.” Emily crosses her arms. I sigh and walk out. There are other cars parked on the curb by this small old building. I assume that’s where we’re going.

“Emily, I don’t think this is safe,” I say slowly. Emily rolls her eyes. “Is this some type of club?”

“Um . . . something like that.” Emily scratches her head. The closer we got to the building, the more noise came from it. There were cheers and laughs and lots of talking. Emily walked up to the front door where a really tough guy stood. He glanced at Emily, nodded, and opened the door for us. What was that about?

Walking into the building led us directly in front of a staircase. The house looks tiny on the outside, but the basement was humongous. There were lots of lights on, illuminating everything. There were many tables, most occupied. On the edges of the room were bar tables and bartenders. In the center of the room was a giant boxing ring. What the hell is going on?

Emily grabs us an open table and asks, “Want a drink?”

“What I want is for you to tell me what’s going on,” I respond. Emily ignored me and ordered a beer for her.

“We’re here to watch a fight,” Emily shrugs her shoulders.

“A fight?”

“This is a fight club El.”

“So it’s illegal?”

“Of course it’s illegal.”

“Why did I get dragged here?”

“Hey, you said you wanted to come.” Emily defends. I think about what she says, and the overall community in this ‘club’. I get the feeling that something bad is happening. “Don’t tell me you’re tangled up with this fight club.”

Emily took a sip of her beer, letting me know that she was in fact involved with this club. “Tell me what’s really going on, Emily Elizabeth Ryder.”

Emily shoves my arm off her. “Don’t talk to me like that, you’re not my mother.”

“You’re right. I’m not your mother. I’m your worried younger sister. Tell me the truth,” I warn. Suddenly, the lights dimmed and people started cheering. Emily had grabbed us a table close to the ring, so I could see everything that would happen. More cheering and noise erupted, confirming my fears that this was a very bad place.

“We’re here to watch this fight only. Then we leave.” Emily whispers in my ear.

“We shouldn’t even be here in the first place,” I mutter, missing the announcement. Then a girl walks into the boxing ring, a muscular one too. She starts throwing punches at the air, and people cheer.

“Now welcome . . . Shawn Wilder!”

My eyes focus on the next person to walk into the ring. A tall, blonde girl calmly walks into the ring, her hair pulled back into a messy bun. They were seconds away from destroying each other, yet my eyes lingered on the so-called Shawn, who had the lightest blue eyes ever, that somehow still held darkness beneath them.

Shawn lightly bounced side to side, her calf muscles showing as I tried to process that she was insanely gorgeous. She just wore thigh-length spandex and a sports bra, showing off her obvious in-shape body. My eyes traced her up and down, eyeing her. She was definitely in shape and strong, but not to the point where it just looks weird.

Emily nudged me. “Don’t get carried away now El,”

I shoved Emily, kinda mad that I was even in the underground club in the first place. But after seeing Shawn . . . I was kinda glad I was here. I couldn’t pull my eyes away from her, as she calmly got ready for the fight. I stood up and slowly started pushing my way to the front of the crowd, closest to the ring. I felt Emily follow me.

A loud bell rang, signaling that the fight had begun. I watched Shawn get into a defense mode, she and her opponent throwing fake punches. Her thin brown eyebrows furrowed, and her eyes laced with darkness. Was it okay to say that I was . . . afraid of Shawn? Then, everything happened so fast I almost missed it all. Shawn’s opponent took a quick jab at her, but Shawn saw it coming and dodged it, quickly.

Shawn tauntingly danced around her eager opponent, which only made her look amateur. Shawn moved quickly, delivering a punch to the girl’s jaw. Shawn was quick, too quick for her opponent. Out of the two of them, it was clear Shawn was the most experienced, which somehow made me relax. Then her opponent kicked, and Shawn caught it with her strong arms and flipped the girl on her back. That got some ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ from the crowd.

Shawn was on top of the girl instantly and started pummeling her. The referee blew a whistle, and Shawn got up and backed away. The girl on the ground stood back up and did her best to keep herself together while her jaw was turning purple. Although I knew all of this was wrong, somehow I found myself mentally voting for Shawn.

Shawn’s back faced me, allowing me to take in all the details. She was built obviously, but that isn’t what grabbed my attention. I saw the edge of a tattoo. Somehow I found myself trying to decipher what it was but I couldn’t because soon the referee blew the whistle again.

Shawn didn’t waste any time. She made a move on her opponent, but her opponent saw it and sent Shawn stumbling. Her opponent took this moment and punched Shawn, square in the chest. Shawn didn’t take any downtime. She took that second and struck the hardest looking uppercut on the girl. Shawn’s anger flared, and it was like seeing her transform into a different person. The crowd maniacally cheered, and the referee blew the whistle when Shawn’s opponent fell to the ground, showing Shawn’s win.

Emily tugged my arm. “Let’s go,” Emily said. We silently exited, and I replayed the events of the fight in my head over and over. As we reached Emily’s car, I spun around. “Why did you bring me there?” I hiss.

“You asked to come,”

I grab Emily’s arm, forcing her to look at me. “No, honestly. Why did we come tonight? Why?”

“I have to fight Shawn in a few weeks. We came to see how she fights.”

I was completely shocked, caught off guard as it turned out, Emily was indeed involved.

“Say something El,” Emily whispers.

“Why?” I quiver as I enter the car. Emily enters the driver’s seat, and we start heading away. “Why what?” Emily asked, glancing at me.

“Why are you involved in this shit?” I say angrily.

“Practice, money, you know. That sorta stuff. Besides, if I beat Shawn I can go pro.”

“Get in an amateur league that isn’t illegal Em. This stuff can get you killed.” I warn. Emily looked at me. “El, there’s a lot of people that scout for real fighters. I know what I’m doing, and I’m good at it.”

I shook my head and peered out the window, angrily. Emily had lots of people who loved her, lots of friends and family, and she felt like this is what she had to do to survive. She was getting paid to beat up random girls.

“If I win against Shawn,” Emily continues. “I can go pro.”

This got my attention. A wave of relief flow through me, and even though Shawn can obviously kick-ass, I’ve never seen Emily fight. And underestimating Emily is something I rarely did.

“If you don’t?” I ask, almost a whisper.

“Then I need to win three more fights. There’s this whole thing. You lose a fight, you lose some prestige. And you need prestige if you want to be taken seriously. Winning next week is a must.” Emily had obviously been in the fighting a while.

Out of everything that happened today, I was kind of amazed. I was amazed at my sister’s secret life. I was amazed at Shawn. I was amazed that my sister was doing some pretty amazing things. She was apparently good at fighting, and god did I hope so. It being illegal meant I already didn’t like it, but by the end of the week Emily could be out of it.

I just hoped the best and prayed away the worst. I hoped that Emily could get out of the illegal fighting. I hoped that everything would turn out okay. I even found myself hoping Shawn Wilder was okay.

Walking the streets of New York City isn’t something I liked, especially because the crowds of annoying people you had to fight through, and the fact you probably stepped in gum every five minutes. But I continued to shove myself through the crowds and down the block with my earphones plugged in.

I checked my phone, and it was already 6:30 pm and I had done nothing since I got out of college at 5:50. I stood at the crosswalk and across the street from me stood my hopeful final destination in my mission for finding an available dance studio. On the corner of Bond and Lafayette Street was The Iron Summit gym, and I silently prayed they had what I was searching for. If they didn’t, then I was outta ideas. I’ve been to two other gyms, and this gym was my last option.

Considering the responsibility of finding a dance studio while the one in my college was being used had fallen on my shoulders made me mad. The fact that NYU had to renovate their studio in my last semester seemed like they did it on purpose to anger me.

The crosswalk changed and I quickly paced to the other side with like a million other people. Soon, I had opened The Iron Summit’s front door. I took out my earphones and shoved them in my sweatshirt pocket. I walked towards what looked like the front desk, but no one was there. So I sat down on a spare seat and waited for an employee.

Maybe five minutes later a familiar blonde grabbed my attention.

“Waiting for something?” She asks. It was Shawn Wilder. My brown eyes locked with her beautiful blue eyes, and her sharp eyebrows and long lashes only made her eyes more pretty. But I was brought back to reality when they narrowed in confusion.

I stuttered. “I uh, needed to uh, speak with a worker here.”

Her right eyebrow raised slightly, and a small playful smirk appeared on her pink lips. She placed her bag on the front desk and nodded. “I just finished my shift, but I can help.”

So beating up people wasn’t all Shawn did. I sort of smiled. “I just needed to know if you had a spare studio to use from 6 to 9 pm.”

Shawn looked behind her, and I realized she didn’t want to be doing this. But she still agreed to help. “Follow me miss,”

I did follow her, a few feet behind her because I was honestly afraid of her. But my stupid eyes had to trace her back and fall further down. She had tight jeans on and laced black boots. Ninety percent of me was intimidated by her, but the remaining percent had intrigued me. Plus I needed a studio, and things were looking good. Just like Shawn.

Following her up a flight of stairs, she led me into one of two rooms that read Studio B. I brushed past her and saw the room, and it was perfect. A big stretch of a wood floor and big mirrors. I turn around and gaze at Shawn. “Perfect,” I whisper. Her eyes were locked on me, and I felt myself blushing.

“It’s available 6 to 9 like you need,” Shawn says. I didn’t want to stare like a creep, but her lips mesmerized me. “I need it only Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays,” I said.

She nods. “Come on, you just need to talk to the boss.”

I waited and watched her lock up Studio B, and I realized how calloused and strong they were, and her muscles were clearly visible. I flashbacked to the fight three days ago, and I reminded myself just how lethal and dangerous those hands were. Shawn brought me downstairs and knocked on an office door. “Kev, we gotta buyer for Studio B.”

“Let her in,” A male voice responds. Shawn holds the door open for me and turns to leave. She brushes my shoulder and brings electricity sparkling up my spine. “What’s your name?” Shawn whispers.

“Elaine Ryder. But call me El. You?” Like I don’t know who she is.

“Shawn,” She smiles. “Shawn Wilder.” And with that, Shawn leaves.

I enter Kev’s office and sit down. “Hi,” I smile. “I’m looking to rent Studio B every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. From 6 to 9 pm.”

“Well, we just need to sort financial stuff out now,” Kev smiles. I gave him NYU’s number. “I’m a college student, and they’re renovating their studio so they’ll take care of the finance.”

“That was easy. I’ll give them a call,” said Kev.

I stand up. “Thanks, have a nice night.”

“You too. Are you coming in tomorrow?” Kev asks.

“I’d like to.”

“It’s open, just ask an employee to open it for you. Your name?”

“El Ryder.” I smile at him once more and leave. I look to see if Shawn’s still here, but she’s not, and I sensed myself sort of disappointed. I was also hoping she’d be here tomorrow.

“Quinn, it’s perfect. And it’s ten minutes from campus!” I squeal into the phone. I had my phone against my ear as I was walking to the gym for the second time this week. Yesterday, Kev dealt with all the financial stuff and it was open for use. The studio was ours the whole semester. Quinn- my best friend- responded. “I’ll be there in half an hour. Don’t die.”

“Uh, thanks?” I hang up and return to my music because everyone else would be later than me. I let myself into the gym, and spot Shawn. She was in her work attire, a grey polo shirt, and khaki shorts. I also knew I was being a creep while I watched her lean down and clean something. Then, I flashed back to how intimidating she can be and backed up. Is she really the only one who works here?

I slowly walk up to her and tap her on the shoulder, and I was hoping she wouldn’t punch me in the face. Shawn took an earphone out and smiled. “Hello, Ryder.”

“Shawn,” I curtly said. She stood up and wiped her hands.

“You here for the studio?”

“How’d you know?” I smile. She chuckled. I glanced at her once more, and the fact that she was so pretty pissed me off because in a few weeks she’d be fighting my sister. “Follow me,” Shawn leads me up the stairs and opens the studio. “Let me know if I can help any more.” She left. I sit down on a wooden bench in the side of the room and realize I forgot a stereo. Ask Shawn for one . . . But that means I have to talk to her. Oh come on, you know you like to.

I left and went downstairs, and spotted Shawn. I probably seemed too needy to her, and she was probably already annoyed by me. Get your shit together El. I walk towards her, and she turns around, and we almost collide. “Sorry. What do you need?” Shawn asks.

“I forgot my stereo . . .” I laugh. I looked through her eyes to see a hint of annoyance, but there wasn’t any. “Another favor?” Shawn smirks. I chuckle. “Might have one in storage, I’ll see. Wait here,”

Shawn comes back a few minutes later, stereo in hand. “Here,” Our hands brush as I take it from her, and I blush. “Maybe I’ll see you later.” I say.

“We’ll see,” Shawn smirks. As I walked into the studio, I found myself thinking of Shawn. I smiled and then shook my head. Get her out of her mind El.

Quinn opened the studio door. “Nice practice today, thanks to the great studio I found.” I brag. Quinn laughs. We were the last ones to leave, and as we did, we came across Tommy. I had been sort of avoiding him during practice, so I didn’t have to answer the question I knew he was gonna ask.

“Is there a reason you aren’t responding to my texts?” Tommy asks.

“Look, Tommy, I’ve been busy, okay?” I shrug my shoulders. I was kinda lying, but I knew Tommy was going to ask me out again, and I didn’t want to say no again. He ran his hand through his chocolate-colored hair, and sighed.

“El, I just wanna hang out outside of NYU.”

“We’re not in NYU now,”

He rolled his eyes. “Let me take you on a date.”

“Tommy, no. I really don’t want to go on a date with you. I’m sorry, but I’ve told you this a few times before.” I say.

“You heard the woman,” Quinn crosses her arms. I spot Shawn leaning in the doorway behind Tommy. She’s obviously heard the whole conversation. Save me. I mouth. Shawn nods and walks over. “I need to lock up, you guys.”

Thanks to her, Tommy leaves. “This isn’t over El.” He says.

“Thank you, Shawn. I owe you one.” I laugh.

“I can’t believe he can’t see the rejection written on your face.” Shawn, Quinn, and I leave the studio and head downstairs. “So you gonna introduce me to this cutie?” Quinn winks. Shawn scratches the back of her neck, and my cheeks turn red.

“Quinn, Shawn. Shawn, Quinn.”

“Thank you for the introduction. But I have to head home now,” Quinn said. She smiles at Shawn, hugs me, and then leaves Shawn and me alone.

“Sorry for holding you up,” I chuckle. I walked around her, her perfume following me.

“You weren’t really,” Shawn puts on a playful smirk. Somehow, I found myself lingering around her. I didn’t want to leave her side. I knew she was dangerous and involved in deep shit, but something kept pulling me back into her. “You’re walking home like that?” Shawn motioned to be my shorts and tank. I forgot to bring sweats to the practice, and the jeans I was wearing were really uncomfortable.

“The bus is around the corner,” I shrug. But now that Shawn pointed it out, it sounded like a dumb decision. Shawn took a deep breath, and said, “Goodnight, El.” Shawn turned and walked away before I could respond. I walked outside and headed in the direction of the bus stop.

Suddenly, I felt someone beside me. I turned and saw that it was Shawn. “I can’t let you walk alone,” Shawn confesses. Even though lights light up New York this time of night, I sure hoped she couldn’t see my reddening cheeks. Shawn was a cold and tough person, but if she let you through the walls she’s built around herself, she’s a really nice and kind person. Still, I can’t miss an opportunity to tease her.

I teased, “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

I watched Shawn’s eyes dart all over the place, never once at me. That made me realize how much I craved her attention. Shawn rolled her eyes. “You wouldn’t even stand a chance against my dog.”

“I’m stronger than you think.”

Finally, Shawn’s eyes met mine. “I know you’re a dancer but dancing won’t save you and your life.” I heard the sorrow and darkness behind her words but decided to not press him on it. We reached the bus stop. I looked up at Shawn and saw the darkness lace around her eyes again. Before I got the chance to speak, the bus pulled up.

“Are you good walking back by yourself?”

Dumb El. Look at her. Of course, she is.

The smallest smile crept up her lips. “Don’t worry about me El.” She turned around and as I started walking into the bus, I called out, “Shawn!” Shawn turned her head back to look at me. “Thanks . . . I guess,” Shawn smiled at me one last time before heading off.

I tried to convince myself that school wasn’t all bad. After all, I was in my last year of college. Even though I only went to school three days a week, I knew I shouldn’t really complain. All I had to do was push myself through a few more months of school and then prepare for an upcoming internship in January. I was ready to start my damn life already.

I took a seat in my final class, a boring class to say. Since I left Shawn, I couldn’t get her off my mind. Tomorrow afternoon couldn’t get here faster. I still had a long time left until school ended. I realized Emily and I didn’t have food at our apartment, because neither one of us had gone shopping in a while. This caused me to lose more focus. I mean, I knew everything my teacher was saying. I could get a 4.0 GPA this semester in my sleep. The class ticked away, and I hoped my sister wasn’t busy so I could ask if she wanted take-out. Emily’s a personal trainer, so I knew it was very likely she was with a client. Emily technically didn’t have to work, but she still does. Our parents take care of our apartment rent and my allowance so I don’t get distracted.

Once I finished my internship later in the year, I was going to open a dance studio in my hometown. I just wanted out of New York City. Finally, the bell rang and I called Emily. She picked up after the third ring.

“El, what’s up?”

“Take-out tonight?”

“Sure. You know what I like.”

“OK, I’ll pick up food and meet you at home tonight.”

“Be safe.”

I hung up and chose sushi because it was close. I call them and place an order, and then I put my earphones in and turn on music. I walk to the sushi place and don’t even bother to look up. I took my earphones out and looked up, to see myself face to face with Shawn. “Shawn . . . hey,” I awkwardly said. Her mouth remained a closed smirk, and responded, “Hey El.”

Her blonde hair was damp, as if she just got out of the shower. Her natural look seemed to make me more attracted to her. Shawn looked relaxed and not relaxed at the same time, and then I realized both of us had been staring a little too long.

Then a man walked up to Shawn, “Hey cutie.”

I looked into his dark brown eyes and he smiled a full-blown smile. Painfully, I smiled and wondered why all these attractive people were starting to find me. Drew seemed uncomfortable as well. “Drake, this is El.”

He stuck out his hand and I took it, and my hand disappeared in his. “Nice to meet you,” I say.

He smiled again. “Likewise. You must be the dancer Shawn’s told me about.”

An uneasy expression crossed Shawn’s face, and she stepped in front of Drake, attempting to hide him. “Came from school?” She asks.

I nod. “Yep. I’m here to pick up dinner.” A small smile broke on Shawn’s lips, but it never reached her eyes. “Not eating here?” I shake my head at Shawn’s question. “Too bad. I would have invited you to eat with us.”

Those words made me want to smile like an idiot. I would have loved her company. And to get to know more about Drake.

“Order for El!”

I snap out of my thoughts and take my order. I face Shawn. I saw something in her eyes, hope maybe? She was internally battling something.

“Nice meeting you Drake,” I say.

“Same here.”

I turn to Shawn, and her eyes were studying me. “Stay safe El.”

“Goodbye, Shawn.” I left her and felt that shortness of breath I always had when I spoke to Shawn. I didn’t know why I felt weird around her, and it wasn’t because I was confused. Every time I was with Shawn, this invisible force tried to bring me closer to Shawn. But the force needed to chill out. While Shawn seems nice, I know what she’s capable of. But while I’m trying to be afraid I just can’t. I found myself always looking and wondering about her.

I hadn’t felt this way to someone in a long time. Here I am, developing a crush on my sister’s next enemy.

Damn, was I screwed.