When i go to sleep
I was often seen as a day dreamer. People see me as a girl with a short attention span, a girl who would float down an endless river of thought. I would stare into space. I would wonder about things that most people wouldn't in the middle of the day. Why do you see through your eyes? How does your brain tell your body to move? How does a pencil work??? Heck, i would dream so much people thought i was dead!
Sometimes i would think about my dad too. My mother and father didn't really get along i guess. He wasn't there for my birth..Come to think of it, i don't know what he looks like. But my mom wasn't so perfect either. We would move from house to house without knowing how long we would stay there..I mean the only way she would get money is giving "massages" to men that would come by in the middle of the night. Cause that's a totally stable job.
When i would go to sleep sometimes i could here her making weird noises. I knew what they were but it hurt to know that she did it because of me. She didn't intend to have me, i don't even think she wanted to have me, but she did anyway. And every year on my birthday she would give me these really nice shoes. She would never say where they were from or how she bought them but i knew it was from her to me. There was no one else who would give me a gift. Well, except this middle aged women who lived near us. She lived and worked in a bakery with her niece. Her name is Lilac. Her mom died giving birth to her and her dad killed himself because of it. I don't understand how anyone could do that..She is only 7 and she thinks Miss Aldine is her mother. I hung out with Lilac a lot. We would often go down to this one river near our small yet comfortable community. We would lay down a mat and snack on cream puffs and cinnamon rolls we snatched from the bakery.
My mom would tell me a lot of stories about the river, she said she would visit it all the time when she was younger. It was truly a beautiful sight. You would have to walk through a little bush to get to it but once you did...Oh man. Plains as far as the eye can see. A single apple tree right at the foot of the river. We would sit under it and my mom would play her ukulele. On bad days my mom would take me there and tell me something she would every time i'm sad.. She would say, "Sunhee, One day we are gonna get out of here. We are going to build a raft and float towards the sunset together hand in hand. There will be a gate with a guard and if he questions us, you will tell him, For i am Sunhee and my shine will last forever and ever. You will not be able to stop me from going into that gate." I was 16 now and i knew that was just a kids story, but sometimes i like to think its real and really could happen. Sometime i imagine me drifting down the and just going farther and farther away from here. From everywhere and everyone. Just all. By. My. Self...
Word count: 607 sorry it was short T^T
