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Loud thumps and full of severe heartbreak entered into the mind of Jeff when he awakened. He sat up straight and looked around while feeling like a lost and lonely puppy. Clearly, Jeff wasn't prepared to deal with the loss of losing someone. The breakup came when his girlfriend kept dropping hints to him. “Maybe you're not prepared to deal with this.” Other times she would utter . I need a man that can help me take care of my four children”. Jeff would listen to all of what his then ex-girlfriend was saying and intense fears would follow. After hearing the words each night, Jeff would develop panic attacks and often speak to himself in the middle of nights. “ She is probably set to leave me the next day. If she left me she would be totally fine. God, why would I agree to try and deal with four kids? Lord knows I'm lonely and just want affection.” The ramblings would continue until Jeff would fall asleep and awake to his phone ringing. The rings were from his girlfriend at the time saying a cordial hello and what he was going to do for the day? He would then makeup things and try to sound busy as the girlfriend knew Jeff was lost and always didn't seem to know what to really do in life. The hints would continue as they would spend time with one another. The kids were too busy playing and laughing, while Jeff felt like
his worst fears would one day come true. So on one day when he drove back home he suddenly grabbed his phone and sent a text message. “Your right Kerry, I am not ready for this, I'm sure you will find a man soon that can be a great role-model towards the children.” Three minutes after the text was delivered, Kerry replied.”Okay you have a good life and I'm sure there is a girl out there for you.” Jeff read the text and his heart dropped. He couldn't believe that he was the one that would end the relationship. Now it appeared that he was back to square one and living the misery-filled lifestyle. A hour later the painful memories shot through his mind. Memories of Kerry kissing him and telling him that he's a good guy and wiping his tears. And other memories when the children made him a heart made out of paper for a gift after they got out of school . Jeff held the heart very near and dear to him and posted it on his wall. Now since the breakup, Jeff simply stared at the heart gift from the kids and slowly walked near the wall to take it down. He felt the tears that was forming. Each shed of tear hit the floor as did his heart felt. This whole day reminded him of his past days when he was single . During his long single span during his life, he would cry out of nowhere and look at himself with pity while standing in the mirror. So much sadness crept up and wrapped him around . It was as if all the sadness and depression were now apart of his skin. He wore this type of feeling on him for years and years until he finally met Kerry. Jeff had the courage to say hello one day at the shopping center and later the hello turned into a date. Jeff wasn't oblivious to her having children, but the anxiety came full throttle when they went on the second date. Still, Jeff would try and deal with the fact that Kerry had four children and show her that he wants to be apart of her life. Kerry would appreciate it until she noticed Jeff would have his days of weakness. Sometimes at the local stores he would quietly beg her for a kiss. The first few times was okay so she gave him a few pecks and rubbed his cheeks. After a month, it grew annoying to Kerry and she would shout. “For God sake man stop acting so desperate, you don't need a kiss at the store every time you feel empty!” It was true, Jeff felt lonely and so empty inside so he thought that receiving affection would cure the holes that were drilled into his heart from the past. Other displays of instability would happen when Kerry would invite Jeff to family gatherings. Jeff never seemed to fit it and was often quiet while sweating bullets. Members of Kerry’s family would often stare and wonder why she would bring a guy like this into her life m. Every time someone would try and say hello to Jeff he would look shocked and do an awkward wave with a faint smile. The parties were always stressful for Jeff and this would soon create doubts into the mind of Kerry about the future of their relationship. This repetitive saga occurred for nine months then Jeff sent the message. It's been two days since the breakup and it literally felt like he was falling to pieces and his heart further feeling the extreme effects of breakup. Jeff threw his hands up and shouted.” I can't handle this shit!! To any God or to any person who is listening? I can't deal with the human pains and the ultimate reality of losing a girlfriend! Jeff was so infuriated and upset. He places his head down, grabbed his pillow, and sobbed for hours until it was time to grab a bite to eat. Now at three pm, Jeff was attempting to eat from a local burger joint. He ordered a double-bacon cheeseburger deluxe combo meal. Jeff felt like he was starving so he dove right into the meal once the waitress gave it to him. He ate fast and vigorously while lodging the hard fries down his throat and biting off hunks from his burger and drinking his coke rapidly. All seemed well until the memories of Kerry and the children hit his mind like a sack of bricks. His appetite now decimated, he push the food away and walked out the burger joint. He opened up the door and the cold lonely winds hit his face. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked quickly to his car. While on the drive towards home, the memories got worse. and soon Jeff would weep loudly into the car. “ Oh God, this pain!” He controlled the steering wheel with his left hand, while the right hand was on his heart. He finally arrived home with soaked clothes full of tears and headed up to his room. Right when he opened the door, his focus darted straight to some generic pills that he bought for sleeping. He closed the door, walked over near the pills, and opened the bottle full of sleeping pills.
