Into the abyss

The stillness of the water, the way the leaves would bristle, the trees as they whistle. My head as it spun to see, to feel, the things around me.

One step into the abyss.

This is a journey through the dark, the mangled, twisted, fearful mind of a boy on his journey to find, or loose himself. Follow me, into the abyss, an original.

Tap, tap, tap. The lights how they dance, the still water, as it laps. Tap, tap, that noise, the leak in the ceiling, or in my heart. No, must not think, the noise, just, just focus on the taps, not the slaps, the endless smacks, focus on the taps, tap, tap, tap.

Two steps in to the abyss.

Roses, her scent, velvet, her hair, silk, her skin, but the ice in her eyes was enough. Don't speak, don't touch, don't reach, no, fight the fear, bring her near, one hand over hers, but blood, blood on the cheek of the freak, who dared to reach.

Three steps into the abyss.

Sleep, sleep, don't wake, wake is hate, sleep, act, don't let him know you're awake, it'll only get worse, laugh, smile, enjoy it, only worse if you don't act, match, his groans, his thrusts, his touch, cry latter happy now.

Four steps into the abyss.

Focus on your mom, focus on the grave, not on the pain, not on the words, but the bruises, they hurt, they work, they make more, they hit again, again, stop focus, strength, mom would want strength, mom's gone.

Five steps into the abyss.

Punch, hit, hurt him, he hurts you, he's hurting you fight, fight back, punch, hit do something, God, just do something, help me please, please, make it stop, make the pain stop, make everything just stop.

Six steps into the abyss.

Drink more, drown out everything, drink, like he does, like he always does, drink, let your head blur, my head, nothing is as bad now, my pain it's, it's gone, drink, more, let the alcohol take control, everything seems better, my hands, my wrist, I could do it it, no, not now, not when everything is good, not when your finally, ok, weak, you're just weak, (scratch, scratch) God why am I so weak, why can you make me strong, then I won't need to drink.

Seven steps into the abyss.

Lie, lie for your life, stay safe, don't let him find out you drank. Take the hits, I know if I crack before my bones my life will go. That's it take the hit, let him win, but just try to live.

Eight steps into the abyss.

Go, run, don't let them catch you, you need to run. But why, why run, why can't I fight why can't you help, God, help me, but i, you can't be real you can't help, you never have, noone has, noone will, I'm alone, they aren't, run, home, I'll be punished, back and they'll catch me, forward and I'll lose this race, I always have, I'll never win, there's no where I can go, no place I can be safe, no where I can be free, so why try, why run, why go, why live.

Nine steps into the abyss.

Cold, yes let it sink in, that's what i will become so just get it over with. The feel of the coarse rough rope around my neck, beautiful. The grain of wood on my bare feet, cold yet carrying a soft warmth for what will happen, this is it, the end, of the pain, of the abuse of everything.

The last step into the abyss.