The Feeling of Being Saved
“Do you believe in God?” That was the silence breaker. A comfortable moment of nothingness after marijuana and alcohol induced sex. She asked it like she had been waiting to ask, like maybe she was building up the courage to ask. Probably because of the heaviness that surrounded that topic. I didn’t mind it, though.
I took a deep breath in, “I’d like to think that there is a God, but a lot of the time it just doesn’t seem plausible.” I took notice of how pessimistic I’d sounded and tried to lighten the mood with a chuckle. A chuckle that I often did when I was nervous.
She propped herself up on one elbow, maybe to get a better look at me. She smiled a warm, closed-mouth smile. She was gorgeous, I think in that moment she made me a believer. “I think there’s no way that God isn’t real, especially after tonight. It’s too perfect. It’s too good.” Her words seemed so genuine.
Her genuineness was cut by my newly exposed borderline atheism. “That’s awfully sweet, and I’d love to think that what you’re saying is, in fact, the truth. But how can we really think ‘God’ brought us together? We’re talking about the same God that’s associated with a book that literally calls this whole thing an ‘abomination.’ Don’t you think that’s contradictory?” I nearly startled myself with my harsh realism. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. The nice moment that was being shared between us was basically ruined, at least that’s how I felt.
Her face was now scrunched up with a bit of confusion. “I’m not speaking about Bibles or Qurans or Torahs. I’m not speaking about anything pertaining to religion or anything like that. I’m speaking about spirituality, babe. I’m talking about the God that comes from within, not the kind that condemns with rules from manmade books. All of that is bullshit, at least in my opinion. He or She or whatever God truly is, comes from inside of us.” She placed her hand on my heart, then continued. “That’s God, that’s the gift of life, that’s a blessing. I’m blessed just being here with you.”
Suddenly, I felt this indescribable sensation wash over me. There had been so many times in my life where people had tried to talk to me or preach to me about God and whatever religion they believed in. Every time it happened I either just didn’t give a fuck about what they had to say or it left a bad taste in my mouth, the taste of bullshit. But it was different now, it was like this is the feeling those people had been trying to give me. Except it was given to me by a naked woman in a hotel room. Maybe it was the post-orgasm dopamine high that had me on a spiritual trip. But this feeling was so real. Everything she said sat so well in the crevices of my mind. And the answer to her question was now clear. Without all of the extra shit...
Yes.
