Chapter One
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She called before
my tea had settled
and told me how
lucky I was.
They wanted to
republish my
bastard child.
A horrific mess
born out of
sympathy and passion
for a drunk with
a decent ass.
Sure, I said
over and over.
Just hang up and
I’ll let you sell
me the world,
I thought.
She made an
appointment
to call me
next week to
finalize the
deal.
I was so
convincing.
I wonder how
shocked she’ll
be when she
figures out I
blocked her
number.
Priorities
As I stand here
in line at the DMV
I contain a strong
urge to jump
ass-first into a
ball pit.
I think I’ll buy an
inflatable pool
and some plastic
multicolored balls
on my way home.
The pit will go right
in the living room,
between the modestly
sized television and
the baby blue couch.
I think my wife will
get a kick out of it
and jump in right
on after me.
And we’ll roll around
for a few hours like
the children we know
we are.
Masculinity
They said I was a child,
yet they couldn’t
understand why she
loved me.
They drank protein
shakes and lifted
weights to distract
from the fact that no
women would let them
put their penis into
their mouth.
They believed the bulk
and the beef would
earn them love and
respect.
They smoked and
drank and called
themselves adults.
I made faces at clouds
and played with my
action figures and she
loved me for it.
I found love and
never had to diet
or hit a gym to
find it.
Wine
The grape is my
God and one day
it will kill me.
Upon my tongue
it sings and calls
me great.
It takes me alone,
having it’s way
with me and when
it’s over I sigh and
admit I enjoyed it.
The grape is my
Lord, my heart
and my blood.
He’ll end my life
one day, but I love
him all the same.
Canines
He licks his nose
and knows you
love him.
It may be nature or
necessity, but the
second you fed him
he became your
undying worshiper.
And if you die before
him he will cry harder
for you than any
person you’ve ever
known would.
Remember That Time?
And in the back of the
diner where Betty hides
her bottles there’s a
pad with a list of names
I’d rather not remember
due to a serious set of
troubling occurrences
that took place in June
of the previous year which
involved a monkey, a
flashlight, a pool cue,
and a jar of tar which
left many a man involved
in the affair without a
shred of dignity or any
clue as to what they were
going to do next.
Nature & Wildlife
I am a force
of nature.
I come from the earth,
chop the tree, make the
fire, cook my neighbor,
and eat him to live.
Maybe I
even
like it.
At what stage does
nature stop and
wild life begin?
The Castration Proclamation
Oh, hide me from
the light before they
break my toys and
brand my ass with
that name tag.
Oh, hide me quick
before they rip off
my favorite band
shirt and dress me
up in shrill fibers.
Oh, hide me for they
might steal my voice
and give me a throat
box that only replies
in yes or no’s.
Oh, hide with me
for I fear they’ll do
the same to you.
9 to 5
My ideal job consists
of working four hours
a day, four days a week.
The hours would be
from nine to one and
I’d spend it taking fake
bathroom breaks and
talking to coworkers I
enjoy.
Lunch would be fifteen
minutes and I’d get paid
twenty-five bucks an hour
to give up my life for the
company.
In the end I’d
retire and live
off my savings.
I’d find me a mountain
somewhere, sit high on
a cliff and maybe throw
myself off of it one day.
Maybe I’d go down
with a note blaming
the company.
After all, I currently
loathe my hours, my
pay, and my job.
Nine For Nine
And so we jump
back to the grind.
I sit in B&N and doze off,
wondering where the world
went as some machine
behind the bookshelf wall
keeps me from dozing off
again.
Where’s
the sanity?
Even with my
headphones in,
the music is
muffled like a
whisper trying
purposefully
not to be heard.
