What is your opinion?
Fun mix of spy, love story and whodunit murder mystery
"This was a story that definitely didn't turn out how I thought it was going to. While I knew Kendra would find a greater mystery behind the murder of her boyfriend Oliver, I wasn't quite expecting a rival agent. If anything, I was expecting Betsie, the scorned other worman, to have been the perpetrator. So that was a good twist. There were a number of grammatical errors that need to be corrected. Further proofreading could tighten the story up."
Give it more
"I liked this basic idea of this story, but I think that it needs reworked a little. Everything was so abrupt and packed together that I had a hard time following. I think that you could make this story a lot longer, and it would be really good. The characters were well done, and I liked the action. The whole thing with Darren was super out of the blue, and his badguy monologue was very cliché. I think that his character needs more dimension, and we need to meet him before then. It is really odd to me that he would just flat out say, "I'm jealous of my friend. I killed him. You're next." If you gave him layers, I think that he would be a really terrific antagonist. Also, I think at one point, you said 2000pm. Typically, it should either be 8:00pm or 2000 hours. You did really great with the scene where Kendra found Oliver dead, and you used the element of surprise very well several times. I just think that you could really improve this story if you gave it more dimension. I hope this helps. Good work!"
