Untitled

I rode shotgun as we drove down the weaving paved road towards James' house. I counted the trees when I wasn’t texting Jack or staring at my phone for any other reason. I guess one good thing about this whole thing is that I get to see Jack. We’ve kept in contact, even though it’s been three years since we’ve seen each other.

I would still be living with my mom if it wasn’t for the “lord” as she called him. He was the one who gave her away when he was hauled in the first time, then he escaped. That part was my fault, so technically this whole thing is my fault. Yeah, yeah, good job Toni, you found and lost the most wanted drug dealer across the U.S.

Except, mom was working with him, and by working, I mean doing most of the work while having an affair. I guess it’s not really an affair though since James got divorced when I was ten. Mom made him take Jack and would have made me go too, but apparently they were both in a bad place, so it separated us.

Yeah, my family is pretty messed up. Aren't we all? In our own special way? Yeah. Everyone is, even if they don't think so.

“Do you still figure skate?” I turned to him like, what do you think? Of course, he just smirked. I thought I hated that smirk before, but now it was kind of comforting, not gonna lie.

Figure skating was my ten-year-old dream. I was pretty good at it too, won the championship four times in a row, even went to the state championship. I didn’t compete in it though, I hid in the bathroom balling my eyes out because my dad was leaving me with my mom and moving out of state.

He doesn’t know that though. I like to make him believe I just grew out of it, or “turned into a teen”, as mom would put it.

My profession is way cooler now, I’m multiple things. Thanks to the part of town I used to live in, I’m a thief, a shoplifter. Then, thanks to that, I often found myself at the police station. I made a lot of friends there. I’m not kidding. I was trained by multiple officers, and I met a private detective. Thanks to Denzel, I am a great detective. I love mysteries, and I have solved some of the best too.

I don't look like anything though, not a detective, not an officer, not even a good kid. I’m a punk. Black shirt, black ripped jeans, leather jacket, I even have a tattoo I got illegally. Dark makeup too, I got it all. Give me a bike and I’ll look like all the other people I hung out with back home. Four years. That's all it took to make the world a real place, inside and out of my head.

“Well, if you ever decide you want to get back on the ice, we have a pretty good-sized pond.” I nodded while scrolling through Instagram, not showing interest in what he was saying at all. I had a “no talk” streak going on with him, as you can tell, I’m still upset about everything. I just try not to show it.

I looked up just as we turned into the driveway. “Holy crap.” I stared at the huge building in front of us. Damn it, my no talk streak was broken. I only lasted four (However long it takes to get to North Dakota from Texas) hours? That’s not even halfway to my personal record.

“Pretty impressive huh?” Eh….

“Not really, seeing how you probably got most of the money from serving five to six years in the National guard.” So, no.

“How do you know that?”

“Huh?” I turned, realizing I was replying to his question.

“I never told you or your mom that I did that.” Well, maybe you should have.

“Oh, Jack told me you guys got a new house, I asked how. Plus, it's pretty easy to overhear someone if they're yelling.” I would always overhear him and mom fighting in the other room. Jack always tried to distract me from it, but it didn’t always work.

Well, now that my no talk streak was broken, I could literally talk about anything, which is the most dangerous thing anyone could do. Listening is the key to solving, not speaking. That's what I learned from my life.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “Well we only use part of the house, the other rooms are rented to people who need a place to stay.” He got out of the car and headed for the trunk.

“Philanthropist with a bleeding heart,” I mumbled to myself as I followed him to get my stuff out of the trunk. To be honest, most of my stuff was just clothes and junk I used once in a while to do things. The most important items I had I kept in my backpack or on my person.

These important items were some books, a laptop, my chargers, a knife, pepper spray, and of course my phone, jacket, and shoes. My most prized possession was my jacket. It has an important background story, but that’s not too important at the moment.

Jack came out a few minutes later and wrapped his arms around me awkwardly. “And here she is.”

I briefly hugged him back and glanced over at James, who, I thought I saw. Was it? Jealousy? Haha, I laughed to myself inside my head. James had tried to hug me, but I rejected the embrace. I wasn’t ready. Now that Jack came out and forcibly put his arms around me, I hugged him back, one, because he was my brother, and two, he had still been able to talk to me through all of this.

James had the same opportunity, and he did at first, but once he joined the army again, he just stopped, so it was one-sided for a while. The whole time. I barely know this man and he barely knows me.

The wind was cold, winter was never a thing back home, it kind of reminded me of the rink. It was always cold inside there, and I always got questioning looks when I walked there holding a jacket and gloves in ninety-degree weather. I secretly got excited, being on the ice again, sliding around with music. Feeling the icy wind blow through my hair.

My thoughts shattered as I entered the house, it was like a bucket of warm air was thrown at my face. It felt weird, it felt like I was blushing, even though I knew I wasn’t. I had grown used to the cold, I liked the cold. I could snuggle up in my blankets and my hundreds of pillows. It was my place, my home, my bed that is, wherever I could close my eyes and travel inside my mind, that was home.

I pretended to have the perfect family and perfect home, my best friend was myself because she was the only person in the entire world that could make me happy. I changed who I was, and I let go of everything, just like my therapist said I should. I just can't get her out of my head, she said, changing your appearance doesn’t change who you are. It sure did do something though.

I know things won't magically get better for me, but I’d like to imagine what could happen with this situation. I wasn’t upset about anything, I’m not mad that my mom was arrested, she is probably safer and better off this way. I’m happy to be with Jack, but, maybe it's just the feeling of being with James. Having him back, after feeling like I lost him forever, and realizing now that I hadn’t.

So back to the house subject...ahem, right inside the door is the kitchen, like most houses, the living room to your right, then what looks like a bathroom to the left a little inside. I also see stairs, they must lead up to the bedrooms.

“Yeah, so, it's like we own about two regular-sized houses, all the others are bought by other people, and we rent out the other ones,” Jack said as we went in. “We don't own the whole thing, even though I told him we didn't need two, he didn't listen.” He said towards James.

Then they get rent and don't have to have jobs, that's actually pretty smart. Then instead of working, you can be having fun, or just being home and relaxing. “Well….” I stopped when I realized I was about to back him up. “Uh, do I have a room?” I felt my little people in my brain slap me for asking such a stupid question. Obviously they had one for me, I was staying for either forever or until I graduate. I like to think about the latter.

“Duh, of course, what do you think you’re gonna do, crash on the couch?” Jack laughed.

“I’d be fine with it.” I smiled. That was true, I think I spent three years crashing on Denzel's couch, so I’m used to it by now.

“Nah, I’ll show you it.” I followed him up the stairs. “Dad hired someone to repaint and make it into a “bedroom looking bedroom”.” He made quotations with his hands as he opened the door to the right of the stairs.

“Oh my god.” The room was like a girl’s bedroom, the bed made, the walls fresh white, the curtains were lilac purple. The bed is also lilac and white, and the rug also...oh.

“I know.” He laughed and nudged me inside. “Don't be afraid to change anything…actually, please feel free to.”

“Don't worry, I was going to anyway.” He nodded as he put the trunk on the bed.

“Good, it hurts my eyes.”

“Is he downstairs still?” I said quietly. He raised an eyebrow before nodding.

“Yeah, his den is down there, and he’s probably making dinner.”

I nodded. “Hidden rules?” I opened my trunkck and started putting my clothes in my new dresser, which actually worked. My old one didn’t open, very useful actually, if you turned it on its side and used it as a desk.

“What do you mean?” He sat in the office chair. Ooh, an actual desk. Look at that.

“He’s not going to ground me for anything stupid?” I laughed, remembering Jose’s parents who got upset very easily.

“Oh, no, first of all, he doesn’t do that often, and second, it’ll probably be like a year before he even tries to tell you what to do.” He smiled. “You should take advantage of that.” He winked and smirked towards me.

I stared at him and shook my head. “Come on, you wouldn’t do something like that would you?”

“Actually, I probably would.” He laughed. “You got great opportunities.”

“Hey, I’m trying to be a different person here. Stop tempting me.” I hung up my jacket and looked at the shiny badge hooked on the inside. “I’ve changed.” I whispered to myself as I brushed my fingers over the cold badge.

“You’re still doing the whole detective thing aren’t you?” I turned and he was standing and looked worried.

“Yeah, of course.” He smiled.

“Good, because it's awesome. Having to find out what mom was doing must have been awful, but you can't just quit, you’re good, like, really good, so don't you dare stop.” He was putting on his really serious act.

“I’m not, I promise. It’s my favorite thing to do.” He nodded and sat back into the chair as I finished unpacking. “And it wasn’t awful.”

“Huh?” He looked up like he had zoned out.

“Finding out what mom was doing with all our spare cash.” I let a small side smile escape. “It was actually pretty satisfying.”

“Satisfying how?”

“Well, seeing how she was literally right in front of me the whole time and I never put her into the equation. Maybe satisfying isn’t the right word, more liberating? I don't know the right word.”

“Oh, okay then.” He got up and went over to the door.

“Where are you going?” I sounded pathetic, and my little people inside my head slapped me again.

“Downstairs, don't you smell it?”

“It’s not done yet.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. “It’ll be about five minutes before it’s done.”

“We’ll see, come down and I’ll ask.”

“Okay, but if I’m right, you owe me a dollar.” I laughed a little as he smiled and nodded, me getting right into our childish game of who is right already. I followed him down the stairs to the kitchen.

“Done unpacking?” James looked up from the stove.

“Uh, yeah.” I looked around the room again.

“Smells good.” Jack said casually.

“Thanks. Set the table, it will be a few minutes.” Jack turned to me, I smiled.

“He said a few, not five.” James looked confused as he looked between us.

“Same thing.” I whispered loudly.

“No it’s not.” Jack grabbed the bowls from the cupboard and joined me by the table.

“A few means three or more, so it could mean five.”

“No, you said five, like exactly.” He pulled open a drawer and handed me three spoons as he opened another cupboard.

“What are you two arguing about?” James suddenly appeared in the room, right by the stove where he had always been. I laughed to myself in my head.

“How long till it's done?” Jack asked.

“A couple minutes, why?”

“A few plus a couple equals five.” I said after setting the last spoon down.

“Ugh, fine, I guess I’ll let you get this one.”

“Let me?” I took a cup from his balancing act. “I beat you. Your ego just won't let you admit it.” I whispered as I set the cup on the table.

“Dad, do you have a buck?” That was it. I burst out laughing. Not the loud and obnoxious kind, just the small burst of laughter.

“In the den?” He looked at me with a puzzled look. I waited for Jack to come out and slap the dollar into my hand. I watched James’ face as he got all the answers to all the questions he had. Just seeing that dollar being put into my hand said it all