Counting countless Time
Kara
If I were to tell you all of my tales, I wouldn't know where to begin, or if there is one at all, I definitely don't know the ending, so, I am starting my story in the middle of everything, chaotic, mess. Or when he came in the middle of it all.
I am sitting in the same damn seat, waiting for the same damned person, looking at the same view. This gorgeous lake, how it was once my solitude, then "our place", now, it's just a sad reminder of yesterdays.
You know the irony of it all, I know he is not going to show up, just like every other time, but that doesn't stop my prideless legs to bring me here.
When did I fall in love with Aaron Sutherland? As long as I have known how to breathe. He didn't feel the at start though, we were "just friends", until we weren't. I knew I was actually the girl he kept a backup for a backup, "if the world ends, and she's the only girl, then maybe..." kind situation. But then, the world really collapsed.
It's been 63 days, 5 hours, and 11mins since I last saw him.
I miss him.
Sometimes I feel that crave twisting my insides, that need pressing on me to feel his feather light kisses all over again.
I miss him. I don't know how not to.
It doesn't get better with time. It only gets worse. I am more violent, have more volatile moods, am more self destructive. People are afraid to approach me. I am not doing this on purpose. I try my best to appear cheerful, approachable, more productive. I don't know how to go on when my motivation used to be all about him. When he was my one and only muse.
I miss him. I don't know how not to.
They say, when you go out, meet new people it gets easier to move on. I did try that. I did go out, met new people, made new friends, got to know them without my mind clouding with the thoughts of running away. Still, It simply isn't happening. I just can't stop myself from needing you, wanting you. It doesn't get better, it gets worse.
I miss him. I don't know how not to.
I can't unfeel what I feel. I know it's pathetic. I know it makes me appear clingy, maybe I am indeed clingy. I have tried to not care about him, to not think about him, it doesn't work. Going on date to other guys didn't work. Staying too busy didn't work.
Almost everything and yet nothing brings me back to this same damned place.
And, I am always counting.
63 days, 5 hours and 30 minutes...
