Skinny and overlooked

Start writing here…Skinny and overlooked. Why can't I keep a man she often asks herself, is it because I'm too thin. Damn, I wish health problems didn't exist. Maybe I can't keep a man because I don't have the boobs or butt guys prefer. Maybe I can't keep a man because of my large lips, DAMN! I wish I never fell off the porch when I was a kid knocking myself unconscious and being left with this permanent unattractive lump in my lip. Maybe I can't keep a man because they prefer a thick woman over a skinny woman that looks sick. Maybe I cant keep a man because I'm not pretty enough, thick enough, or wild enough. Maybe I can't keep a man because I'm not popular or a slut. She hated herself, her confidence was gone and her self-esteem was damaged. Every man she ever loved and gave her heart and body to always left her for a thick woman. She never received an apology or explanation, men would always dismiss her or ghost her as if she was nothing but garbage. Leaving her bitter and angry, even though she would hide her pain well. She always wanted those men to feel the pain she felt, and know what it's like to disregard someone because of their body type. Even Though those men never admitted the reason why they chose other women over her. She knew deep down, inside it had everything to do with her body type, her appearance and her being a single mother, which was the reason why she couldn't afford to look pretty every day. She held the taste of bitterness in her body, mind, and soul silently. While putting on a brave face for her children. She would cry herself to sleep at night then wake up the next morning smiling and happy for her kids. Even though she was hurting to the point of wanting to commit suicide, she remained strong for her kids. She didn't want to commit suicide over a man she just wanted all the pain to go away. Her whole life she had experienced pain, trauma, suffering, abuse, and feeling like she wasn't good enough for anyone, not even her parents, she often wondered if someone would ever look into her eyes and notice her cry for help. She didn't know how to explain her pain because it was too much to bare. She then attempts to commit suicide and sends everyone a goodbye message, she wanted to see would anyone care enough to stop her. She wasn't looking for attention, she just wanted to be loved for once in her life. She then realizes she can't commit suicide because she couldn't leave her kids in such a cold world to grow up all alone. She continued to suffer in silence and smoke cigarettes heavy. That silent pain was becoming her worst enemy, no matter what she tried. loving herself, just seemed impossible. She began to lose her hair, losing more weight than usual, and couldn't gain weight no matter how hard she tried. Depression was getting the best of her, she was afraid to open up publicly about her depression. She continued to suffer badly. silently, which she knew wasn't healthy.

It always seemed as if she was in this world alone. She thought family and friends would be concerned about her constantly losing weight. Instead, she was body-shamed, called mean names by people she loved. Even her family called her a crack head, told her she needs to eat more and constantly would bash her about her weight. Yet she kept quiet about her illness and found it hard to love herself, because of how skinny she was. No man found her attractive. All men complimented how beautiful she was yet no man wanted her besides the bedroom and seemed ashamed to show her off publicly. She knew it was her size 0 that men found unattractive. Even though there was nothing she could do about it, at 30 years old she had a body of a 12-year-old girl, flat chest, no curves, and low self-esteem. Everyone that ever came into her life always made her feel she wasn't enough. No matter! How genuine and sweet she was. She even had thoughts about murdering every person that ever hurt or made fun of her. Over the years she snapped out of all the pain people caused by giving her the apology she deserved. She began to meditate daily, work several jobs and focused on loving herself in a society constantly telling her not to. Every brick that was thrown at her she used to stand on and build herself up day by day, piece by piece, heartbreak after heartbreak. She became closer to God and realized even when everyone walked away, counted her out and abandon her. God never left her side. She finally took her power back and understood her personality, soul, and character was more important than her body image and what others thought of her. She was beautiful the way she was and even if she couldn't find love she found herself. Her is she, she is me and I'm Diamond Dior! Skinny and overlooked!