A Life to love

I'm Austin

Well known for silence by a few people in the college. There are very few people who want my company.

There is nothing bad about me, am a bit funny, a bit emotional, a bit better than average in studies, sometimes make fun of others just for fun and many more qualities....

Previously everything was fine till i was studying in 5th standard but everything got ruined when i entered in next standard.

Now am studying in college and still everything is worse in my life, just have hopes that i could fly one day and have happiness of life about which I heard only in stories... stories with happy ending.

I have a family in which everyone is so educated but still so insensitive.

I have 3 siblings who all are elder to me, dad is well educated but as he belongs to a village don't have much sense of how to care their kids and i think that they had been taught by their parents that how they could be more insensitive with their kids and how to hide from their kids that how to hide from his kids that their dad is also a human.

My mom is the only uneducated person in family.

Someone may easily think that if everyone is so well educated and still so insensitive, so my mother who never been to school must be too much understanding, but reality is absolutely opposite.

Every one in this house is living the most normal life that anyone can ever think, like waking up in the morning, doing the job, having the meals, ignoring other family members, and then just sleep again.

I think my life would have also be the same if i was not a gay and if I was interested in having a female mate but, i think my life got sucked the day when my destiny decided that this boy will be interested in male.

My elder brother who is just two years elder to me was decided to be the evil in my life who always tries to destroy happiness that i get, according to him anyone could be made according to him by making him feel shame of what he actually is. His laughing is one of the things that i hated the most and everyone says that he has a very cute smile but i hate even that compliment.

Whenever i see his face everything in the past starts scratching my head badly and all the dark days of life makes my head paining including those pains in which he was not a part of those who gave me the pain.

No one in the family ever asked anyone about their problems including me. When anyone ever tried to say other to take care the others made their fun but, I was never included in this and also sometimes i opposed this but no one took any opposition seriously.

Along with an elder brother simon, i have two elder sisters Alina and Jane. Jane is the eldest one who always tried to convert me into a more masculine person but, i was just a bit feminine and she wanted to do that because of two basic reasons. The first one is that she did not liked to look at even a bit feminine boy as her brother and the second is that she already knew that even a bit of feminism multiplies the problems of a boy.

Today is the Christmas day

Every neighboring house has lit up their gardens with the twinkling lights, in the mid of the gardens there were big X-mas trees which were fully decorated with beautiful lights and Christmas balls.

I was returning from the market after buying some buns for the dinner and there were no buns left in the fridge.

All the houses were looking so shiny and beautiful ,it was about 4 in the evening and sun was not in the sky but still there was no darkness.

Instead of walking speedily for the home, i stood there in the way and start gazing at the houses and i felt very good but i was unable to smile.

Suddenly, I smiled and ran toward my home and as i reached there and looked at my house it looked like an ending of lights in the series of houses and the light again restarted where my house ended.

I started knocking the door loudly.

Mom came and opened the door.

Mom asked me in a complaining tone "why are you knocking the door so loud and disturbing everyone."

I knew no one was busy and everyone must be on the phone wishing their so called friends merry Christmas.

I ignored the question of asked by her and said "call everyone here right now, on the door".

Mom "they all must be busy in their works and m sure that they don't want to see what you want show."

I think mom guessed right what i wanted to show and may be she was correct but i still wanted to show everyone.

I said to her, requesting "please call them, maybe they will be get interested",

When everyone got collected outside the garden of the house...

I made them notice "look how our house is looking like a black spot with no emotion between the colorful and shiny homes of others and..."

Jane interrupted me "how feminine" and entered back into the house.

Simon "are you telling to decorate ours too" he smiled a bit "now its too late"

Dad loved my idea so he helped me a bit and till the evening my house was not most colorful but it was also not an spot in brightness and it was cheering the brightness.

Others did not want any happiness because they had no any memory of sadness and the more depressed i was the more i searched for colors, lights and happiness.