Great tale

"I love stories like this and overall you presented it well. It holds the readers attention. A fact of writing is you can never read your own work with an open mind, because you wrote it. I always recommend you give it to a reading friend or two to read it before you present it for the world to read. Let them read it out loud and comment but in most cases you will hear where the flow slows or is interupted. I liked this a lot and with a bit of a polish it will be great."