Absolute Alpha

Sitting at the edge of the bed, I tried to remember my last moments with her. We'd been in our room, she had stood in-between my legs as I hugged her to me. Her body had been warm and comforting. Her scent had surrounded me, bringing joy to my senses. She was my sanity.

She'd been angry that morning because I told her not to go, something in me didn't want her to leave. She was my salvation to my chaotic life, the only thing that grounded my wolf and I. The feeling I had forced me to cling to her like a disobedient pup. Her hands had attempted to soothe me, but I still begged. I had felt it in my core that something would happen, but she wouldn't listen. She wanted to visit the neighboring packs to introduce herself as the new Luna to mine. She wanted to stake her claim, showcase her willingness to be a voice. My Lily would have been the perfect Luna.

We were scheduled to be mated under the next full moon, just weeks away. The Goddess would have blessed us. The Moon would have smiled and embraced us. We would have had a future, a future that before her, was filled with war and death. She had been the life I had desperately searched for, longed for. The life I craved to save my own. My salvation.

My hands fisted, claws digging into my palms; I slammed them into the blankets. It wasn't right, she should be here, her body should be in my hands, her scent should be surrounding me, embracing me, her wolf should be calling out. I should be able to see her smile, listen to her laugh, and watch her lips as she spoke to me. Run my hands through her blonde hair.

But.

There was no longer a scent.

No warmth.

No melodic laughter or silly conversations.

The feel of her silky locks falling through my fingers, no more.

It was all gone.

There was nothing left.

No scent, or voice.

Not even her body.

The delighted eyes that would gaze at me as if I would give her the world, were covered in blackness in my own mind.

All I had left was barely her memory.

If it hadn't been for the troubles with the Elders and the disappearance of Omegas, I would have escorted her. I would have gone with her, protected her.

I growled at myself, hands pulling at my hair, elbows resting on my knees as I hunched over and tried to hold onto my sanity. My wolf thrashed within my mind, angry, devastated, hurt, depressed. He was everything that I was and more. We may not have been mated yet but our wolves had imprinted on one another and the absence we both felt within our soul was catastrophic.

I'd failed her.

We failed her.

I allowed him to take her from us. She had no one to protect her, no one to answer her howls. She had died alone.

My heart constricted in pain. She had always made me promise that when either of us died, we would do so together, and I failed her. I had promised to protect her life, cherish her very being, yet she slipped through my fingers like water, before I could even grasp hold.

The build-up of frustration and anger was overwhelming. My body trembled with the unrestrained emotions, my wolf thrashing about wanting to take over and kill.

I needed to find the Alpha that killed her. He took what was mine and I made sure to brand what was his.

I felt hot tears sting the backs of my eyes as I held them in. That Omega deserved it. He could have done something, anything. He could have tried. He hadn't been officially apart of that pack. He could have run when he had the chance.

If he hadn't been so powerless he could have helped.

I felt the tears start to make tracks down my face. I snarled at myself digging my claws into my head.

If he hadn't been there, she would have been safe. If he hadn't been an Omega, things would have been different.

I choked on a sob and clenched my eyes shut. My body felt cold as the scene played out in my head.

His body had been so frail, he was only skin and bones, yet my finger pointed at him the most.

He couldn't even speak, yet his voice was the loudest in my ears. His wolf had been gentle, trying to appease me with its submission, yet I trampled on it and demanded more.

My wolf and I blamed him.

The first time I saw him, I didn't know he was the reason. The indirect cause. I'd almost marked him as my own to prevent the grieving my wolf had started to succumb to.

His heat had been delicious on my tongue, the tantalizing scent weaving a web of deceit within me. I had wanted him as I had wanted her. I had wanted him, the second chance to my bleak future. Yet his lie would have fueled my hatred for him later.

It was only by chance that we got into the war with his pack. Word had come in that Lily had gone missing and when we arrived at this location, the pack that she had last been known to visit, had attacked us before we could ask questions. I'd been ready for a war. I was going to protect what was mine. This pack had been trouble for years and had been the home of trafficking Omegas. I'd told Lily not to go, to avoid this pack, but she wanted to make a statement. I came after her, to wage war and rescue what had been mine.

I was too late.

Her scent had been shrouded in blood. The dungeons stank of torture and death, yet I held onto hope.

I howled, the memories too real, and as my sorrowful howl rang into the air, I heard the resounding howls of my military.

They could feel my pain.

I could barely hear her laughter now.

Her departure had just been weeks ago but in the wake of her death, her memory seemed to fade all too fast.

Yet, I could hear his pleading voice.

The smell of his blood and tears was still strong and filled my nose. It clung to my skin like a sin. He'd provoked me. Refused the scent marking of the pack. I had tried but his wolf refused. He wasn't even aware of what he was doing. He chose his Alpha. He chose the man that killed her. He picked his side. It was his fault. He had to have told his Alpha to do it.

I growled at my despairing thoughts. I needed him to take the blame because the cause was gone. My best trackers couldn't even find Clyde, I needed the Omega to be the scapegoat. I needed to justify my actions.

I could hardly remember her unique smell, her taste only a fleeting memory that I tried desperately to chase but failed each time I drew close.

Every second that past she grew further away.

But every minute that ticked, his face became clearer in my head.

Guilt.

Regret.

Hatred.

Anguish.

I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. I knew pinning the Omega with the blame was wrong. Yet I didn't care.

I could feel him, his fear pressing through the sliver of connection we'd formed from the branding mark. I knew his body was weak, I knew his mind was weaker, yet I forced his submission and branded him an outcast. I'd sent him to his death.

She would hate me.

I felt my body fall to the ground, the heavy guilt crashing down onto my shoulders, the grief pulling me deeper into the shadows.

My hands fell to my side as I kneeled on the ground, head tilted upward, eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling.

She would have slapped me, kicked me, and savagely tore into me if she'd known what I'd done.

She had wanted to save him. That's why she came.

I let my eyes close. Tears still unrelenting as they streamed down my cheeks. My chest tightened.

She would have felt happy dying knowing that she tried. She probably hoped I'd come and save them both.

My arms circled my stomach as sobs fully broke free and I doubled over in anguish.

She would have howled to the Moon, hoping I'd make it in time. She would have prayed to the Moon for that Omegas rescue.

She would have made the Moon promise to keep him and me safe and offered her life in exchange.

I knew my Lily. I knew my soul mate. I knew what she would have wanted, yet I spat on her.

I didn't deserve to think of her.

I didn't deserve the offering she had left.

I sat there, hunched over, crying for hours, time fleeting. I'd never cried before, even as a pup I was told that tears were a weakness. This would be the last time I'd cry.

I felt the slip as the sun rose. I felt the snap of my wolf. The control I once held over him was now gone.

He was devoured by grief. He had known, but the confirmation had been crushing. He was barely sane in my mind.

There was a soft knock on the door but I didn't move. I couldn't. I had no control, no will to even attempt to regain it. If my wolf asked for my life I'd give it.

"Alpha, he's been found by the Jaguar."

I snarled, my wolf not liking that. I focused on the connection that I held with the Omega. I could taste his fear on my tongue.

My wolf paced. I could feel his irritation climb. He wanted the Omega, he wanted his blood and body. Wanted to claim him even further, obtain his absolute obedience.

I couldn't speak and I felt my wolf grab hold as I shifted.

I would go for him and drag him back. My wolf wanted him and I would grant his wish.