TWO CAN'T BE SILENT

🚨TRIGGER WARNING🚨

I DON'T WANT TO TRIGGER ANYONE, SO I WANT YOU ALL TO BE AWARE THAT THERE IS ANOREXIA MENTIONED AND DESCRIBED IN THIS CHAPTER. I ALSO DON'T MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE AS WELL, SO IF THIS CHAPTER MAKES YOU FEEL THIS WAY, IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE.

THERE IS ALSO A LOT OF SWEAR WORDS USED, SO CAUTION TO YOUNGER OR POLITER USER'S.

Chapter One - An Unanswered Question:

I balance on my toes as I try to make myself as tall as I possibly can. I pull my rustic brown, leather duffle bag down from the top shelf in my wardrobe, and slam it onto my bed. I roll my eyes at the bag, hatred boiling inside of me. It was a gift from my grandfather, the man who despised me so much that he sent me away to live elsewhere. The man that I was soon to visit despite my significant dislike for him.

"Hey, when you coming back?" asks Julian, the less loquacious and more laid back one out of my two roommates, whilst he lights up a cigarette.

"Straight after Christmas," I reply calmly, as I stuff my dull toned clothes carelessly into my duffle bag. "Or perhaps earlier, you never know," I say as I recall what happened a couple of years ago, when I accidentally broke something my aunt considered "priceless". That "priceless" object being a gravy boat, a bloody gravy boat, which only broke because I tripped over her stupid cat.

"That's only four days," he says stating the obvious, then taking a long drawl from his cigarette. "Hasn't it been a year since they last saw you?"

"Yeah. It's obvious that they don't care about seeing me, but honestly.. I wouldn't want to be in that wreched place any longer than I have to be anyways," I answer simply, shoving my swimming costume into my bag along with my goggles. "They're just full of complete shit."

"Fair enough," mumbles Julian almost inaudibly. I turn around to look at him chilling on the bottom bunk, his body spread out lazily and almost half of it hanging off the bed. His blond hair messy, with his side fringe falling over his face. He seems to be in utter bliss. He releases a low, breathless sigh as his eyes flutter shut, and whatever he's smoking takes him away to another place. That fucking bastard didn't even offer me some, and I'm gonna need whatever he's having, if I'm to survive this "holiday" at all.

"You know, you could just ditch them and stay here with us," comes a voice from behind me, I turn to find Harley leaning against the doorframe. He looks completely exhausted, yet manages to keep a small smile on his face, most likely for my sake. I stare at him, my heart breaking at how unhealthy he looks, his body wasting away right in front of me.

"I wish it was that easy, but fuck knows where they'd send me if I didn't visit them. I know they wouldn't bother paying for this school anymore, that's for sure," I inform him, slowly walking over to him. "You know I'd rather be here, with you, but that can't happen." As I stand in front of him, I study his face. His pale, greying skin has grown worst since only last night, along with his exceptionally cracked lips, but what frightened me most was the smile he displayed upon his face, a smile so fake it made me feel sick to my stomach. I can't bare staring at him any longer, so instead I decide to lean against the doorframe, opposite him, with my eyes tightly shut.

"Jeremy I'm going to miss you, even if it's only for a few days. It's just I-" I cut him off, not wanting to hear the words he has to say, as all I can think about is whether he'll be alive once I come back. I know too well that his anorexia is gradually killing him, and, that sheer fact meant that, when I come back after Christmas he may no longer be here. His anorexia could get the best him, it could get all of him.

"-Why are you doing this to yourself?" I interject harshly, "Why?" I already knew the answer to the question, as Harley and I have had many discussions about this subject before. They all end the exact same. With me crying immensely, and Harley apologising continuously, me feeling vile for the harsh remarks I said and finally It'll all finish with me saying that I'll never ask him that question ever again. However, we both know that I always ask that question again, no matter what I say.

"I'm sorry... I'm a mess I know, but I don't know how to stop it... I'm so sorry Jeremy," he answers quietly, sounding disappointed with himself. I grab at my brown, curly hair painfully, as I squeeze my eyelids shut even tighter than they already are. I feel so helpless, knowing that I can't help him in anyway, no matter how hard I try. That I can't put him out of his misery, that I can't protect from himself. I try holding in my tears, but as always they flow down my cheeks, ignoring my weak attempt to not fall apart, for once.

"You're killing yourself, you know that?" I sob, the image of his skeleton like figure displayed clearly in my mind. His body already resembling that of a corpse, eventually he may just become one, and knowing that fact terrifies me incredibly.

"I know," he whispers, his voice breaking slightly.

"You know you're killing me too, right? You're killing me Harley, you're fucking killing me, and that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that you still don't care," I open my eyes, staring harshly into his. "You don't care that you're killing me, you just keep on doing this to yourself, and don't care about how I feel. You're heartless Harley... Now I have to go back home, worried sick that when I come back... I'll discover that you didn't wake-up one morning, that you finally got to sleep in, even if it is forever."

"I'm sorry, Jeremy. I know, I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve you, I really fucking don't," he crosses his arms over his chest, as though covering himself up: embarrassed. Then that's when it happens, I feel utterly vile, I feel like the hugest dick on earth, and now all I want to do is beat the shit out of myself for even causing Harley to feel worthless. For him to feel like he deserves worse than an asshole like me.

"No don't do that, please don't do that," I beg, grabbing him and pulling him close to my chest, not wanting to let him go. "Forgive me, I'm just stressed out about the whole going back home thing. I didn't mean it, okay. I didn't mean it at all," I soothe, my tears still streaming down my face, pouring out just like my emotions, causing a small wet patch to appear on the back of Harley's jumper.

"It's my fault-" I cut him off again, not barring to hear him blame himself again.

"No. No it's not, it's not. Don't ever say that," I whisper, before delicately kissing the top of his head, like a mother would do to a newborn baby. "I love you, you know that right?"

"...Yeah, I know."

"Okay. Is that you both finished screwing with my vibe? Because I spent a lot of money on this shit," I snap my head up, to discover Julian sitting on his bed, waving his cigarette around in the air, with an annoyed expression plastered on his face. Shit, I forgot about that guy.

"Yeah," I laugh forcefully, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my dark, blue hoodie. "Sorry, man."

"Stop apologising. You both apologise way to much for my liking. Just chill out for a bit, and smoke marijuana or something," he advices, before taking another hit, closing his eyes, then falling back against his pillow as he released the smoke.

"Or perhaps Harley should see a doctor or something, eh?" Comments a voice beside me, I turn my head to find myself face to face with Daryl, my other roommate, and his usual smirk. I deliver him a hard shut-the-fuck-up-right-now glare. "Don't give me that look Jerry, you know I'm right." He pushes past me and Harley, walking over to my bed, and peering inside of my duffle bag, as usual ignoring my personal privacy.

He removes my goggles from my bag, balancing them in the air with his index finger. "Who the hell goes swimming in Winter?" He mocks, swinging them around his finger. "But yet again who dates someone who constantly wears a Halloween costume?" That asshole.

"Shut your fucking mouth you prick," I shout aggressively. I stomp over to him, and forcefully push him against the floor. All I want to do is wipe that damn smirk off his face, by slamming my foot against it with my boot. Fucking dick.

"Woah, don't beat me up Jerry," laughs Daryl, as he puts his hands up in fake surrender.

"It's not worth it. Just leave him alone Jeremy." I turn around to look at Harley's face, he appears worried. I give him a questioning face, and he just shakes his head in response, as though telling me to just leave it be. I do as he says, but not before putting a foot against Daryl's neck, and applying a significant amount of pressure for a few seconds. He grabs at my leg, trying as hard as he can to lift it.

I take my goggles out of his hand, chuck it in my bag and zip it up. "Don't touch my stuff dip-shit, I'm not fucking telling you again." I threaten, I grab my black, denim jacket with wool on the inside, put my black scarf and beanie on, then place my duffle bag strap over my shoulder. I stroll over to Harley, and kiss him lightly on the cheek twice, afraid of hurting him. He clutches me in his embrace, pulling me close.

"Goodbye, I hope you survive your holiday," he jokes. "I'll miss you."

"Me too Harls," I mumble sadly, letting go of him and pulling myself away from his grasp. I walk out of my dorm room, but within only a few footsteps I turn around and go back inside. "Merry Christmas prick," I yell at Daryl, sending him a lovely middle finger too, while he is still on the ground and rubbing at his neck.

"Shut up you mother-fucker," growls Daryl, obviously pissed off because I made him look like the weak ass bastard he is.

I leave the room again, and just as I do I can hear the irritated voice of Julian, "For fuck sake. Can everyone just get the hell out of my fucking room, and give me peace?" I laugh to myself, as I walk down the hall. "I don't care if your neck hurts man, you're ruining my whole vibe." Damn, you don't want to mess with Julian when he's mad.

AUTHORS NOTE:

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I wrote this for fun so don't judge too harshly. I hope you liked it somewhat, but if not tell me what I can fix (I'm criticism friendly). Also thanks for reading it, it means a lot.

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Please leave a like.

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🎉Chapter question🎉~ Who's your favourite roommate?

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Chapter two will come out next week.... or perhaps sooner?