Reassurance
Eventually, in some point in time you find the person that you feel in your heart is your soulmate. No matter what kind of messed up shit you go through with them, you know that you would never be happy with anyone else the way you are with them. That person has a lock on your heart that didn’t come with a key.
That is how I felt about my man, Kenny. Being together five long years, he’s been there for all of my struggles. From me being homeless, to me losing my mother, to me falling out with my family. Kenny has been there, making me feel secure and loved to the highest standpoint. He’s clothed me, fed me, and took care of me and our daughter while I wasn’t working. People would think that I was crazy if I ever left a man who has done so much for me.
Even after I had got pregnant at only seventeen years old, and Kenny had to stop taking his college classes just to get a job to support us, he never treated me differently or threw it in my face. He was actually excited to find out that I was pregnant and would be giving him a baby. My parents kicked me out as soon as they found out that I had been having sex before marriage, and told me to never come back. Kenny’s mother took me in and treated me like I was her own daughter.
Now, we have our own apartment and car all because of Kenny. When I told him I was going to work he refused, and told me to take care of our daughter, Amira. He has given more than I could ask for, and always made sure his daughter and I were straight. But, lately I’ve noticed him become a little distant with me. We don’t talk as much as we used to, and we haven’t been having sex as often. When he comes home most of the time he just falls asleep after dinner from being so tired, and then wakes up the next morning and starts his process all over again. His relationship with Amira is a beautiful, strong bond that any mother could ask for their child, but I feel like we are missing something with one another.
When Kenny comes home, I’m going to have to tell him what has been on my mind. There’s been something I’ve been wanting to get off my chest, but I don’t know how to approach him with the situation. All I can do is come clean and express my feelings honestly and openly.
When Kenny walked through the door I was sitting on the couch with our babygirl, Amira asleep in my lap. He came over and kissed us both on the forehead. “How was your day?” I asked.
“It was a long day, but a good one.” He replied. “What about yours?”
“It was fine. I just wanted to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind.”
He reached down and picked up Amira, and took her to her room. Kenny walked over and took her spot, pulled out a baggie from his pocket and began to roll up. “I’ght, what’s on your mind?”
I lowered my head and began playing with my fingers. Suddenly, I felt unsure about what I wanted to say, but I wanted to be honest about my feelings with him so there would be no unspoken issues between us. “I’ve just been worried about us lately. Worried that you don’t feel the same way about me. About us.”
“And, why is that?” He asked.
“I know I haven’t been able to do as much for you the way you have done so many things for me. I know there’s plenty of girls trying to talk to you, and give you their number. I see the women at your job trying to smile in your face and get noticed. I’m not jealous of it, but I know that there is a lot of temptation out there.
You come home tired, and never really have time for us because you work yourself so hard. You wouldn’t be so tired if I provided a little more and just got a job. People think I don’t deserve you, and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you either. It’s not your actions that is making me feel this way, it’s my own. I just want you to be as happy as you can be and never feel like you have to settle with being with me. What if one day you feel like you want something better?”
He looked down and took in everything I had said to him. A few moments had passed before another word was said. “Come here.”
He turned me around and held me from behind on the couch. We laid back and embraced one another. I felt him go inside of his pocket and heard the spark of a lighter. He inhaled a few times and passed it to me.
“Just sit back with me listen to what I have to say to you real quick.” Kenny said, “ You are the only woman I would ever need in my life. Anything I have done for you is because I wanted to do so, and felt that you deserved it. You don’t give me money or clothes, or jewelry. You give me a peaceful mind, a happy home, and have given me an amazing daughter. You don’t work because I don’t want you to, but if you feel as if that is something you need to do, then do it for yourself baby. I am a man because of you, a good one at that. I’ve just been working crazy hours this month, and so I come home a little more tired than usual, and even then you never find a way to stress me out or make me feel bad about it. Don’t you ever downplay yourself and tell yourself that you are not enough for me. You are my queen, and you are never beneath me. You belong right by my side and it will always be that way. Just keep loving me the way you are and things will be just fine between us.” He finished. “Now just get high and chill with me. Afterwards, I’ll make love to you.”
I wiped my moist eyes and nodded my head in agreement. My man loved me more than I could imagine, and I was thankful for it. Sometimes a little reassurance is all a woman needs.
