Fall To Ashes

Light of the rising sun shines in through the open window. I feel the rays touch my closed eyes as the soft morning breeze moves the thin curtains surrounding it. I open my eyes to the day and sit up. Turning my head towards the window, I look out onto the world. Wishing I could escape with the wind. Sighing, I stand and stumble back on top of my bed as my legs quiver from the pain. Slowly I stand again and grab my uniform off my desk where I folded it last night. Changing I am mindful of the fresh pain craving for my attention. Though I ignore it, I don't forget that they are there. I finish charging and then proceed to check my bag for everything I would need for the day. I go to the bathroom, use the toilet being mindful of my legs, wash my hand then brush my teeth and hair. I put on my shoes and my jumper then grab my phone. As I bend to pick up my bag, I feel the familiar tug as my legs tremble and quickly grab the strap then straighten. With shaky breaths, I relax into the pain as a familiar bliss runs through my body and smile.

I walk quickly to the front door and head outside. Once my feet hit the pavement of the sidewalk, I put on my sunglasses then pull out my headphones and plug them into to my phone before pressing play. The soft tune of Hello starts, and I keep pace to the beat. Getting lost in the music, I arrive at school quicker than I would have wished for. Looking at the time I realise that I'm very early for the school day. Sighing, I head inside the black gates and over towards the lockers. Turning the dial, I open my locker and swap the books in my bag for those in the locker that I need for the day. I shut the door and lock it before heading over towards the library. I walk inside and nod to the cleaners still working before heading into the back corner where the history and science books are kept. Putting my bag on the ground I manoeuvre myself until the only thing that anyone would see if they looked down the aisle would be my bag. With my back against the cold wall, I close my eyes and relax as I absentmindedly run my fingers over the fresh wounds through the thin fabric of my skirt. I suddenly stop as I hear the bell ring signalling the start of the day. Standing slowly, I put my phone away and head towards homeroom. Hands in my pockets I walk inside the classroom and most people ignore my existence. Mrs Kroft speaks to me, but I just walk to my seat at the back of the room and sit down. Fifteen minutes pass before we are let out to our first class.

I stuff my hands in my jumper pockets again and shuffle towards my chemistry class. I put my bag in the rack and head inside to where my small lab desk resides in the back. Grabbing my lab coat, I put it on before sitting to wait for the teacher to start. She walks in and quickly connects her laptop to the projector then loads our class experiment for the day. She starts taking roll call as I get up and walk to the cabinet at the front of the class. I grab everything I need for the experiment then head back to my desk as she calls my name. I turn then place my stuff down and nodding towards her in acknowledgement before starting. I finish the simple task and walk towards the teacher with my short thesis regarding the experiment. She nods at me while taking it from my hands before turning back to the other students and explaining what we are trying to figure out. I pack everything away and hang up my coat. Sighing, I walk out the lab and grab my bag before heading to my next class. Class after class I get more bored as the day rolls though. Finishing up with biology, I shoulder my bag and walk back to the library for my last two periods. I still don't understand why they insist that I take college English. I don't think that I am smart, nor do I think it is okay to make my life here even harder. I already take all the sciences, so do they have to make me struggle through this class too.

Nodding to the librarian I head back to my spot and pull out my computer getting ready for class. As I log into my online English class, I hear voices coming down towards me. I lean my head out slightly and see a group of students walking down the aisle towards me. I stiffen as they near me and prepare myself for a confrontation. They stop short of me and continue their mindless chatter. They move around in circles talking and shifting books around on the shelves. I sit in silence as they turn to leave. I breathed a sigh of relief before realising that they were still too close. Their chatter stops and I hold my breath, waiting for a hint that they have left. I stick out my head but before I can pull back, she spots me. Shutting my laptop quickly, I brace myself for the pain I know is coming. The group comes back towards me and I try to stand but I must have been too slow as I feel a pain spread from my jaw. I fall from my awkward position and curl my arms around my face to protect my head. I feel feet and fists connect with my body. I never make a sound knowing all too well that it would satisfy them to hear my whimpers of pain.

I hear the familiar voice of the librarian in the next aisle and they stop their assault. I stay in my locked position until I hear their footstep fade far away. Peeking out through my clench arms, I check to see if there is anyone left. I sigh in relief and try to move only to lean back into the floor. Pain erupts from my torso and abdomen as I attempt to sit up. I try not to moan in agony as I get up and try to focus back on my laptop. I wait for it to load again and open my English class live lecture. The teacher notices that I have finally logged in and acknowledges me before continuing the class. After just under an hour, he finishes the class and signs off. I sigh and sign off before getting comfortable. I lean my head against the cold wall and pack up my laptop before closing my eyes as I run my fingers once again along the deep cuts on my upper thighs. My eyes shoot open as the end of day bell signals. I steady myself against the wall as my sleepy legs adjust to my weight. I keep my head down as I walk out of the library towards my locker and swap out my laptop to some random textbooks before heading outside the school grounds. I look at the time and realise that if I don't get home soon, I might suffer more torment then normal.

I walk quickly home and hope that I get there before he does. Walking around the corner I look towards my house and see that his car is already in the driveway. Stiffening, I struggle to keep a normal pace as I near the front door. As I step up the onto the faded porch, I hear him inside moving about. I hear the anger in his voice as he tries to find me. Swallowing I brace my body for the torture that I must endure each night as I turn the handle of the peeling front door. I feel the anger roll off him is waves of hot air as I shut the door on my only escape. I make my way through the darkened house towards my room. I notice that the door is open and that it is a mess from his anger. Cautiously I take off my shoes and place them next to my desk. I pull out my uniform for tomorrow and put it as well as my bag on my desk. Carefully, I creep towards the kitchen and start to quickly make us dinner. Just as I put the vegetables on to boil, I sense his presence behind me.

As I put the steak into the pan, he grabs my hair pulling me backwards. I fall against him and wish that I hadn't. He turns me towards him and starts screaming in my face asking me where I have been. I try to answer but he just punches me in the mouth. My already split lip opens again, and I taste my own blood as it runs down my bruised chin onto my top. He hits me a couple of times before letting me go to save the food. I grab a piece of paper towel and hold it to my lower face whilst turning the steak. I check the vegetables before quickly washing my face. Turning them off, I drain the water and place food on our plates. Once finished, I grab the cooked steak and place them too on the plates before setting the table quickly. I put his food on the table and call him to dinner. He walks in, sits and starts eating straight away. I hurry to get him a beer and my own food. I settle into my seat and we eat to the sound of the news playing from the loungeroom. Every now and then I would look up from my plate but would immediately look back down away from his gaze. Once he was finished, I cleared the table and got him another beer. Quietly, I wash the dishes and put away the leftover food.

I walk out of the kitchen past the loungeroom and down the hall towards my bedroom. As I pass his closed door, I sigh in relief thinking that maybe he didn't want me tonight, though I was mistaken. With my hand on my door handle, I feel his hot breath on my neck as he digs his fingers into my sides. I grit my teeth as he kisses my neck. I try to hold back the tears as he starts pulling me towards him. I let go of my door and let him take me to his room. Fighting only leaves me in more pain then if I just let him take me. I stiffen as he shuts the door and pushes my front against it. I put both my hands on the door near my head as his hands move to the hem of my shirt. He grinds himself against my rear and I feel him grow hard against me. He mumbles in my ear to take off my shirt and I ignore him because it is always worse when he wants to play with me. Angry, he turns me around and slams my back into the door. He grabs my neck and squeezes until I struggle to breathe. I don't give him the satisfaction of trying to get out of his grip I know better these days, though I do start with the bottom buttons of my shirt.

Once my shirt is on the floor, he growls at me and I don't understand why as he walks away from me. I look down at my body and realise that I had a bra on. Quickly I take it off before he comes back with the knife that is in his bedside table. I toss it down to the floor and shimmy out of my underwear before he turns around. Standing there in only my skirt I feel my mind go blank as his hot breath touches my full breasts. I don't make a sound as he plays with me. He fondles my breasts roughly as his mouth runs over my neck and towards my mouth. I try to turn my face away from his, but he slaps me and shoves me into the cold door between his hands. He smiles his sickly smile at me before grabbing my hair and towing me towards his bed before pushing me onto it. I feel my insides turn as the world becomes greyer as he takes off his clothes. I look away from him as he lays me down and spreads my legs. I grip the sheets and try to keep my face blank as I feel him climb on top of me. He doesn't bother to lift my skirt knowing full well where my opening is. As he enters me slowly, he pushes his thumb roughly against my clit knowing just how much it hurts me. Pain shoots through my frail frame, has his member enters my core fully. I close my eyes and wait for him to cum inside me as his usual torture begins.

As his ejaculation fills me, I let a tear roll from my eye and wait for him leave my battered body alone. He suddenly grabs my chin and turns my face towards his before kissing me roughly. I struggle to get him to let me breathe and try to get him to exit my body. He punches me in the stomach and drives into me. I cry out in shock as he hits my end and his beer tasting tongue darts through my parted lips. He continues to kiss me roughly as his calloused hands mould my flesh to his will whilst he becomes hard inside me. He belligerently pinches my swollen clit before he resumes his assault inside my body again. Once he finally finishes for the third time, he rolls off me and turns on his side away from me. I stay still until I hear his familiar snores and slowly get up. Shaking from the pain, I grab my clothes and head out of his room into the bathroom. I strip off my skirt and get into the shower before turning on the hot water. I clean his filth from my body before washing my hair. I rinse off my body and get out before drying myself. I hang my towel and put my clothes into the laundry basket. I wipe the steam from the mirror on the back of the door and look at my naked body.

I skim my eyes from my toes to my face and shutter at the greyness of my skin. I look in disgust at the skinny bruised girl in front of me. Shutting my eyes, I turn away from the mirror and walk to my room naked. I shut the door before getting dressed into my boxes and singlet for bed. I quickly tidy my room before making sure that everything is in its right place. I kneel on the floor next to my bed and reach under to grab the shoebox I had hidden. As I reach into the box and grab out the matches from inside, I consider what might happen if it all doesn't go to plan. I put the matches down on my bedside table then I walk out of my room and to the backdoor. As quietly as I can, I open the door and grab the twenty-litre jerrycan before shutting it again. Putting the pouring spout on, I walk down the hall and open his door. I creep over to my tormenter and pour the liquid around his bed before making my way out of the room. I shut the door and splash the fuel all over it. I walk backwards pouring the liquid on the floor until I get to the entrance of my room and throw the jerrycan back down the hall before I grab the matches. I stare at them for a moment before lighting one and throwing it onto the soaking hall floor. I watch in amazement as the hall fills with fire and reaches his door which goes up in flames quickly. Smiling, I shut my door again and head back over to my bed sliding onto the floor.

I lean my head against the soft mattress as I feel inside of the shoebox for the familiar friend of mine. She shines in the moonlight coming from the open window as I move her closer towards me. I feel my body pulse with excitement at the notion of getting some pleasure through all this torment. As she glimmers, I press her to my legs and run her across my skin leaving a deep gash. Blood runs hot from my body leaving me in a sensational bliss. I feel my insides come alive at the pleasure and I see my skin regain its colour as the grey seeps out with the flow of blood. I sigh and continue to open my body so that the greyness that shrouds me can depart from my fragile self. I still don't understand why he does this to me, his little girl. I always did what I was told, have always gotten good grades. He tortured me for years and nobody would listen. Nobody seemed to care that I was being raped by my own father daily or that he would beat me. He always said that it was my fault and for once, it is my fault. It will be my fault that he dies tonight. It will be my fault that I take myself from the world that defies my pleas for help. I can except that I will finally be heard. I turn to face the moon as the fire licks under my door.

As the warm breeze rustles the curtains, my body suddenly feels cold. I try to keep my eyes open but cannot. The edges of my sight turn grey and I smile as the darkness takes over my body. I feel the warmth surround me, but my body only becomes colder. As I shut my eyes, I chuckle at his screams that travel to my ears. I expect the darkness knowing that he cannot hurt me anymore. I may just be truly safe.