Forever Yours, Love Letters

The funeral was nice, everyone came to say goodbye to him it seemed like everyone cried but me, the tears wouldn’t come, I was simply numb. I could feel my brother Luke’s gaze burning into me every once in awhile checking to see if I was okay. How could I be okay when the only guy I’d ever loved was gone, taken away by an illness he’d suffered with all his life. His family had even moved to California to be near a better hospital but still the illness had claimed him at 24.

After the funeral everyone went to his family's house, his mother passed out cards, ribbons, pens and balloons her idea was for everyone to write him a letter conveying their feelings for him then tie it to the balloon and send it off, I chose to save mine for later when I was alone.

His mother told me it was okay to go up to his room and take anything I wanted and that on his bed would be a box of all the things he’d left for me. The room was neat, his mother’s doing, on the bed was a closed medium sized box with my name on in in his handwriting, I looked around his room enjoying his lingering scent, the only thing I saw that I wanted was his hat, the one he was wearing when we first met, I opened the box and put the hat inside.

Grabbing the box I headed back downstairs to say goodbye to his parents. I dropped Luke off at the airport before heading back to my rental home, it was right on the beach, he’d loved the ocean and sailing he said being on the water made him feel free. When his illness had taken a turn for the worse I’d flown to California from North Carolina and rented the house to stay by his side until the very end.

I sat at the kitchen table and carefully emptied out the contents of the box, inside was his favorite sweatshirt, the hat I’d added, a bunch of pictures from our childhood on up as well as other mementos seeing everything gave me a slight pang in my chest, slowly I began to put everything back into the box when I grabbed the hat I noticed a faint crinkling sound, looking inside I saw a folded up piece of paper it was folded in a neat square with my name written on one side, inside it simply said: Go to where sick ships sail and retrieve the little boat. It was written in his handwriting just like the box, confused but wanting to know what he had planned for me I decided to go. Running upstairs I took off my funeral dress and put on some faded jeans, a knit sweater and a pair of old sneakers finishing things off with his hat, I grabbed the note and my purse and headed out. The note’s clue was an easy one, he was telling me to go to the boat shop he’d work at since high school where they fixed boats.

At the boat shop, Sink or Swim, I found the manager, Olivia, and introduced myself then asked her about him, she was the daughter of the owner and smiled sadly when I mentioned his name she’d been unable to go to the funeral but her dad had attended for the both of them. I showed her the note but she didn’t know anything about a note but allowed me to look around his workspace, he’d been in charge of placing orders and had stacks of order forms everywhere. I worked my way slowly through the stacks but found nothing I checked his desk and found a note shaped like a boat and a letter sealed with an old fashioned wax heart seal. I took both items and thanked Olivia for her help, she hugged me and told me she knew just how much he’d loved me that I was always talked about and that she hoped to see me again. I got in my rental car and opened the letter.

Dear Dahl,

If you’re reading this then you found the note in my hat like I knew you would, sorry for springing this on you but I wanted to find a way to show you all the places I loved here in California and meet the people who were apart of my life. I wanted to do this with you but my body wouldn’t allow it, a part of me yearned to contact you sooner and tell you I was getting worse but I just couldn’t and I’m sorry, please don’t be mad. I’m writing this just as the sun is setting it reminds me of the first time we met at that party on the beach the sun was casting the same orange glow across the sky as I stared into your eyes for the first time and fell hopelessly, deeply, crazy in love with you. At that moment I just didn’t know how much you’d change my life. Please continue this journey to the very end, the clues will lead the way.

Forever Yours,

Kai

The letter made me ache all over just knowing he’d done this for me, for us. I wished he had called sooner so I could have spent more time with him but I also understood his need to find peace with it all, I tucked the letter safely into my purse and opened the clue.

Find the treat where the boats tend to meet, there you will find something that is mine.