One
It’s September 18,2019 It’s been three years since my parents divorce.Everyone keeps asking if i’m okay and it gets so damn annoying.I stare out the window of my dads 2014 Ford F-150.The sky is bright blue broken only by a small mass of clouds off in the distance.I sit and think of a better time when me and my parents would go out for ice cream at the local dinner back in Chicago or going to the movies but all good things come to an end.Everything was perfect the day our roman empire fell,my dad made me breakfast in bed and i thought it was a holiday or my birthday.Then the whole day went to-.”Jen where do you want to eat,” said my dad snapping me out of my thoughts.”uhh McDonald's is fine,hey dad when am I going back to sweet water with mom”.I’d been living with my mom and her endless string of boyfriends since the divorce.I didn’t mind most of them were nice to me but there were a few who put there hands on me so I beat their asses.”well sweetie your mom said this would be more of a….permanent situation”said dad.”What she’s abandoning me with you great now i get to live with an asshole who can barely take care of himself”I regretted it as soon as i said it but i was too mad to care at that time.”Hey i'm trying okay i didn’t ask for this bu-.”yeah no shit me neither”.My blood was boiling I was past the point of no return and it wasn’t getting any better for dad.”what do you expect me to do Jen i don’t see your mom making a damn effort which is why she dropped you off with me”.The car was silent and i was taking everything in.My eyes stung with tears,I could barely see.”great what the hell am i even alive for you don’t want me mom doesn’t want me might as well jump out”.My dad looked at me and for the first time since my parents divorce he showed some sort of emotion other than anger he was sad.Thirty minutes went by and the car was silent.I fought back the tears threatening to break out of their prison behind my eyelids,finally my dad breaks the silence.”i know this is hard for you jenny but you have to be open minded to change i miss you mother so fucking much but she wanted to leave”.I couldn't breathe one false move and i would break down.”why doesn't she love me dad,what did i do wrong”.My dad just stared at me,I couldn't tell what he was thinking but he looked hurt.”She loves you more than anything shes just confused that's it you did nothing wrong”.I couldn't hold back anymore,the tears left my eyes and i hid my face in my jacket.”Jen we’re here”.His voice was barely a whisper.”Dad i don't want to live with you or anyone just fucking kill me please”!My voice caught in my throat.My dad looked at me like I killed someone.
Its been 3 weeks since my blow up,my dad has gotten over it for the most part.I start school in 2 days and im scared to fucking death.I didn’t have very many friends in sweet water i was always a loner.I hated every class and there was the time a teacher tried to seduce me but i had one friend Olivia.Shes the only one who understood me and cared about me.I loved her,i sat thinking about all the times me and her kissed i thought about her hands inside of my shorts felling her fingers inside of me.I suddenly realized i was touching myself.i cleared my head and focused on writing my introduction paper for my new school.The only way I will be okay in this new school is if I have Olivia.
