Chapter 1
Him:
Void. That’s all I ever feel now. I marvel at the number of emotions I don’t have anymore. I am an empty shell with a physical place on earth but my soul is void and has no purpose. The thing I seek most isn’t redemption from all the horrible things I have done in the past, I’m finally content with those things. I have accepted that my life is shit, no changing it. People might say “of course you can change your life, you can steer it another way onto another path”. Quite frankly I couldn’t give an ounce of one single shit. I have no sorrow or pity for the lives I’ve taken. The blood on my hands has never been regretted. As selfish as it is, they all deserved what they got and I don’t have any sense of remorse for them.
I was born to be a fucking leader and a leader I will be. I've been running businesses and I'm one hell of a negotiator. It doesn't seem so hard to become the next Don of the Italian Mafia. Is my life is stressful? Fuck yeah, it is. It comes with this type of fucking job. I'm ruthless because I have to be, I was born ruthless and I always will be. I live on; fucking bitches and drinking to suffice my needs. I don't fuck with love, it's never been fond of me anyways. I have no time for that shit. I only live to make myself happy and live up to the standards my Father has for me. I am what my Father made me and I appreciate that motherfucker. The respect I have for him is more than words can describe.
Being trapped in my damned mind is hell outside of hell. All this shit that I want to leave behind comes to haunt me. I want a life that will be successful and easy but life said “fuck that” and well--here I am.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Fuck. As I get up I feel as if there were heavyweights on me, forcing me to sit on the couch and not reach the door. Maybe if I don’t make noise they’ll leave me be.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Jesus. Can’t a man get a little peace of mind? I finally get the energy to get up and as I start walking up to the door--
*KNOCK KNOCK*
“I’m coming God Dammit,” when I open the door, I open it with such force it makes me a little dizzy.
“That’s no way to speak to your Mother Tommaso.” as she walks in. “God, it reeks in here with your horrible stench.”
“Ma did you come here to speak to me about something important, or criticize me about MY own home?”
“Well because you asked, I did come for a reason. But I guess criticizing you is now another one.” as she walks over to my table and sits down on one of my chairs.
“You have yet to answer my many calls. Why don’t you answer? I simply want to check up on you.”
“I’m sorry but I was busy, I’ve been trying to keep occupied.”
She looks around the living room. Her mouth doesn’t have to open and spue out words for me to know what she’s about to say. Her face says it all.
“Busy? This mess says otherwise than the lies that are coming out of your mouth right now. This place is disgusting. You have maids, why don’t you use them?” as she picks up a pizza box.
“I know but I haven’t had time.” That’s a lie. I gave them a week off.
“You didn’t have time to call on the maids to come clean this horrible mess up? Whatever, it’s your home. How’s the job so far? Anything new?”
“Ma, no offense but I know you did not come here to talk about my job. Please get to the point.”
“What? I am offended. First, you don’t answer your damn calls. Now I can’t check up on my son? For Shame. Oh my, who have I raised!?” while putting her hand to her forehead with all the drama in the world.
“Ma, like I said, I’m busy.”
“Well, I suppose, but I came here on behalf of your father. He wants you home. You’ve been away for a while. It’s time for you to step up and take over the Mafia-like you were always meant to.”
Fuck. I knew this would come but this soon? I look up at my ceiling and cursed everything in my apartment that I saw. Fuck that lamp. Fuck that couch. Fuck that chair, and FUCK that Paper. She looks at me waiting for me to say something. But what do I say? I never really wanted this job. I don’t want to be responsible for a whole clan let alone a damn Mafia. I love my apartment in New York. It’s home to me.
“Well? Are you there Tommaso?”
“Yes Ma, I’m here. Let me pack some clothes. I’ll visit and speak to Father.” With that said… I have never regretted something so much in my entire life.
The drive to my Father’s multimillion-dollar mansion wasn’t a long drive but a very dreaded drive. I’ve been trained for this Mafia. I’m a ruthless killer and I can’t and choose not to love anymore. Annika’s expected death was 6 years ago but she remains in my mind taunting me, reminding me of my past sins. My Mother sits next to me silently. I know I have to step up and take on this fight and become the next leader for the Italian Mafia, but if I’m speaking with all honesty leading a whole fucking Mafia isn’t my fucking cup of tea. When we get to the Mansion I feel this sense of relief. It feels good to be home but I don’t want to go inside due to what’s awaiting in that house. I can only pray to the one above and hope for the very fucking best.
