Flowers in my hair.
It was cold on the day that it all really started. It had been snowing and I was cuddled up in a huge fluffy burnt orange sweater, beneath my mac. My boots protected my feet from the snow and the crunch of the substance sounded with each footstep. It was eerily quiet. I guess that's because of the early hour I had decided to meet him.
We had been talking online for close to three months. I believed I could trust him now. So why not meet? He could take his pictures and we could get to know each other better. It had seemed strange how he responded when I bought the idea up. He was so hesitant, like it was a bad idea. That only made me want to meet him more. I know you're probably thinking I'm stupid. Three months isn't long enough. You're not going to know somebody properly after only three months. But it was enough for me. Do you ever really know anybody, ever? You never fully know anybody. There are always secrets kept and disguises held. But I was ready for the next step.
I'd crossed the empty car park and found a seat in the cafe so that I could still see both the windows and bathroom door, just incase he was already here. The only other customer was an older man with a checkered shirt and a gravelly voice. He shouted at what I assumed was his wife over the phone. I knew that wasn't him. I could feel it. The waitresses name was Seph and she wore the old striped uniform. She looked like she didn't want to be there. If only I could tell her what a special day it was... if only i could explain that this is probably the first day of the rest of my life. But I couldn't. It had to be kept a secret. I knew this.
So instead I smiled.
I ordered a bacon sandwich and a decaf coffee. That seemed like the right kind of meal to order. Not too sophisticated. Not too childish. I hope he ordered something similar. It was as she walked away that the red van pulled up. I don't know what kind of van it was. It was red. I didn't know cars. I watched as he climbed from the vehicle and slammed the door shut. His black coat collar pulled up to protect him from the weather. His head down. I was slightly disappointed. I couldn't see his face. I wanted to see him before he got in here.
My heart was pounding a specific beat as the jangle of the bell chimed to his entrance. He shook the snow from his body and the droplets fell from his head onto the tiled floor. His hair was dark. Almost black, but not quite. His eyes were dark too. Tiny flecks of hazel in the dark brown. I took it all in as he looked at me. A smile lifting the corner of his lips. Is he my be all and end all, I thought. Is he my everything?
It didn't take long for his lengthy stride to bring him to me. He stood at my booth with a beautiful smile. I felt safe. I would definitely let him take my pictures. I felt a need deep inside me. A need to give him everything. Am I his?
"Jane?" He smiled.
I smiled back. The stretch of my lips probably harsher than intended. I nodded my head in answer, and he took his seat in front of me.
This was how it all started. With a smile.
________
We stayed at the cafe for around an hour before we went back to his house. Again, Andrew was hesitant. But he did take me back. His house was lovely. The large kitchen was smokey grey and white. Very clinical but beautiful. It's where we spent the majority of our time before the photos. We talked about our lives and laughed over embarrassing moments. It was fun. It was different. It made me love him more. He was so real with me.
The chosen outfit for me was a denim dungarees dress and a floral baggy tshirt. He put flowers in my hair and wiped away my make up. The only thing left there was a slight pink gloss on my lips. I looked pretty. Pure. The shoot was fun he made me laugh and we just enjoyed ourselves. A lot of the time I was sat cross legged on the floor. Sometimes you could see my panties and Andrew explained that I was exposing myself in that position and showed me how to press down on the fabric of my dress to hide my underwear. The trust grew.
When we were calming down from the adrenaline the shoot gave us, I felt brave. I went into his bathroom to change but exited the bathroom wearing only my underwear. I was offering myself to him with a sheepish smile. He declined the offer in a way that made me feel silly. I didn't feel unwanted, or undesirable. But he explained that it would be wrong of him to allow that to happen. He told me of how badly he wanted me, but I would have to wait.
I felt almost shy after that. But again, that trust grew. I loved him and would save myself for him. I'm sure you can understand that. Maybe you'll remember this, later on in my story and forgive me for some of my actions.
After our date, which he consistently told me wasn't a date, he drove me back to the car park by the cafe. He kissed me on the lips. My heart beat too quickly and I thought I would faint. I looked forward to our next date and knew that I'd fantasise about giving him my virginity. I knew he was the one.
So... this was how it all started. This is how I became not so normal. The day I let him take the pictures. My fifteenth birthday.
