Imperfections

Another day feeling like I’m missing something. It’s not so much a feeling it’s more like I know that I should expect something by my side but I don’t see it and that makes me mad and tired. The only piece of my mom I have left is my name Victorine, my mom’s middle name. I’ve heard my aunt Josie tell me and my sisters Fannie and Blake the story one hundred times by now of how my mom decided on naming us. I would say it’s not interesting story but ever since her funeral my extended family couldn’t hear enough of it. Victor after my invisible father and Torine after my Swedish grandparents. Josie, my mom’s sister volunteered to take us in after my mom died. About 330 miles north of Los Angles on the pacific coast lies a small beach city called Carmel by the sea, it’s where my aunt Josie, my sisters and me live. The beauty of the scenery is indescribable it feels like a dream walking down those neighborhood streets. Tomorrow is my first day of sophomore year at my local high school. I’m scared but mostly nervous because I’m being placed in new classes with new people it’s hard to adjust when you spent your dreamy first year of high school with your favorite people. And when I’m nervous I eat.

Blake put the car in park as I stared out the window at the neon signs reading 7-11. I felt her eyes on me, I slowly turned my heard towards her. Her ginger locks draped over her tan shoulders, a suggestive smile tugging on her lips.

“this better be worth it Vic, I have plans.” she smiled lazily

“oh, it will, I promise I’ll be fast “I reach for the handle when she grabs my wrist

“hey listen. I know you’re scared but just remember its other people’s first day too”

I walk in the cold midnight breeze across the parking lot towards the lighted shop.

Bells ring and echo through the store. An older guy in his 40’s smiles up at me from his phone at the cash register, I try to smile back. I can’t talk when I’m focused on my snack run. Running my hands through the different types of chips and candy I land on two kinds of my mom’s favorite gummies, I smile remembering her eyes light up when I buy them for her. As I’m reading and comparing gummies, I bump into someone. I didn’t know human bodies can shape shift into stones I felt the curves of his abs his chest was rock hard yet soft at the same time the fabric of his dark blue T-shirt meeting with my hands and blushed deeply, I looked straight ahead and realized I had to look up because this guy was at least 6’5. He smiled down at me “sorry” his shaggy sandy brown hair falling over his eyes and looked me dead in the eye like someone who has his eyes locked on the target, it made the pit of my stomach feel light. He walked away I couldn’t help smelling the cloud of cologne he left behind in the air he had a different vibe from the guys I’ve ever seen he felt dark like I shouldn’t be around him yet he smiled so warmly and seemed to irresistible for his own good. I brushed of my thoughts and tried to continue focusing on my purpose of coming here. I heard his raspy voice making small talk with the cashier as he checked out his items. I turned around and stared at his back feeling my face heat up, I watched him walk out.

I hop in the car still feeling the effect of this strangers’ eyes.

“Josie called she said to speed it up” Blake had a concerned look clouding her face.

“of course, she did, sorry for taking so long couldn’t decide which chocolate” I chuckled.

Back at home Josie was nowhere to be seen she must have fallen asleep. I grabbed my laptop off the turquoise couch and headed to my bedroom. I stripped my clothes and dived into bed then I remembered I had to take a shower I groaned in annoyance. 25 minutes later with a clothed clean body I hopped into my bed burying myself in covers of black silk. Dolly texted me twice asking me how I’m doing and if I’m ready to party up the school year. Dolly has been my best friend since 4th grade and I don’t know how I would operate without her. I stare at her picture in my contacts her small purple curls gently falling down from her head her chocolate brown eyes staring into the camera lens I dial-up her number and fall silent when it sends straight to voicemail, well Dolly is a heavy sleeper. Guess I have to ride this out alone. I get up and stare into the mirror. I see something in the reflection I see someone considered pretty I saw her hazel eyes bore into the fragile glass I see her chestnut brown hair lay comfortably in a loose bun at the top of her head. Her pinkish lips frown at me I follow every curve of her face happy at what I see. I drag myself back to bed and crawl back in staring at the clock at on my nightstand as it reads 2 am so much for goodnight sleep.

One of the most annoying sounds is a car horn which is why I have it set as my alarm. The things I do for school. I don’t even bother folding my bed because I know I’m going to dive in the minute I come home. I stare in the mirror again fighting the voices in my head telling me to go back to bed. Slipping on yoga pants, a simple sports bra and a crop top I match it with an oversized sweater, I know it screams but comfortable that would sum up my amazing first day outfit, I know dolly would show up in an amazing fashionable outfit another reason I love her she isn’t afraid to try. Brushing my shiny brown locks over my shoulders is comforting. Footsteps run past my closed door. I hear and smell the sizzle of bacon as Josie hums downstairs. Heading down the stairs I bend down and scratch behind my Siberian husky, Carrot’s ear his fluffy white fur brushing softly against my legs. I kiss Josie on the cheek and she asks me how I’m feeling I mumble back and smile big and wide for her. I take my place next to Fannie and Blake who grin with tired eyes. As Josie come over with the plates, she pats my hair down and takes her place across from us. Josie is the spitting image of my mom and sometimes it’s impossible to hold back the tears. After breakfast chit and chatter we get ready to drive down to school. We all make small breakfast chit-chat and for some reason just hearing my family’s voices warm me up with joy.

Standing at the entrance I stare at the front doors and sigh. Fannie puts her arm around me her golden hair laying over my shoulder. She starts making jokes about school to suppress my nervousness Blake even joins in at some point I hold their hands and walk in, a wave of air condition washes over my face. With 15 minutes to spare I walk towards the office to pick up my schedule. Fannie and Blake kiss me goodbye and head off to their senior classes. I enter the office through the yellow doors when my nose smells something familiar. The cologne smells like a fresh sniff of spring, our eyes meet his forest green almond shaped eyes stare back at me grinning slightly. Still staring up my eyes meet his sandy brown shaggy hair, he turns back around. My heart beats out of my chest as my ears fill up with his raspy voice, maybe this year won’t be so bad I stare at his back muscles in his brown leather jacket I stare at the fabric of his pants and jacket. Footsteps rush through the door behind me and I smell Dolly’s signature cherry perfume, she hugs me from behind and smirks at me when she sees who I’m staring at. “Nervous aren’t we “I smile weakly at her she continues hugging me from the side.

“next “the secretary calls, her red lipstick slightly smeared on her teeth. I walk up to her desk.

He walks out but not before making eye contact with me and dolly, winking at us. Me and dolly grip our class schedules heading towards Math.

“ladies Goodmorning, pick any seat “Mr. Jackson greets us he holds eye contact with me for an uncomfortable amount of time.

We pick our seats near the back. As me and dolly talk about random things waiting for the bell my mind keeps drifting back to those forest green eyes, those pink lips and how they curved seductively, those long dark eyelashes covering his eyes like an umbrella. His outfit screamed rich boy.

“Victorine so what do you think?” dolly stares at me laughing

“huh “I feel bad for not listening to her

“you want to hang after school? Marley invited us to the bar” I don’t really feel like going to a bar especially on a school night but I need to distract myself and I can’t afford to be alone in my thoughts tonight I say yes anyway.

One minute before the bell, the mystery boy with the green eyes walks in. His eyes scan over the room and then land on me for a millisecond they head back to the teacher. They chat for a second and he starts walking towards me, I hear dolly and some other girls in front of us gasp I stare silently. His long legs moving with such grace yet he walks so boyish at the same time. After choosing the only available seat beside dolly he sighs and pulls out his phone I notice it’s the latest iPhone, I’m convinced he’s rich now or at least his parents are. Mr. Jackson starts the lesson staring at me here and there but something about his stare makes me uncomfortable and I think dolly notices that. I take a chance and sneak a glance at the boy, he meets my eyes and leans close to dolly and I hear him asking her to switch seats with him dolly raises her eyebrows at me asking for approval I nod slightly. He places his backpack next to mine and stretches out his hand on my desk “Ace “he introduces himself I take it and shake he has a strong grip finally a name to match to his face. “Victorine” I say as I stare at his lips and he says “take a picture it will last longer” I gasp quietly, his smiles suggestively.

“I saw you in the store last night” Ace leans closer and I smell his breath. It smells like strawberry candy.

“Ms. Thompson and Mr. Varndell would you like to share your conversation with the class?” I feel everyone’s eyes slowly turn to on us dolly holds down her laughter I do too in a way.

Ace responds before I can “no that’s why we were whispering” Mr. Jackson gasps.

“Mr. Varndell and Ms. Thompson please see me after class “he turns away fast and faces the board.

I see Emme in the corner trying to get Ace’s attention.

His eyes bore into the side of my face. I feel a burning sensation on take over my face I felt so embarrassed it was my first day and Mr. Jackson already hated me. The bell rings and the class room empties out I catch Emme stays back to talk to Ace. I make my way to the teacher’s desk with Dolly by my side. “Ms. Thompson, I know you are a good student but I just excepted you to know better than associate with someone who openly disrespects adults” rage builds up in my chest I hear Emme laugh behind me and Ace’s raspy voice flirt with her. Who does Mr. Jackson think he is my dad?

Mr. Jackson with all due respect I’m here to learn you don’t need to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with “I turn on my heels and feel a strong grip on my arms.