Cold Enough to Snow

I took off my coat and hung it in the closet, even though I was still cold. My wife, Ellie, hated it when I wore my coat indoors, but I never knew why. She’d never give me more of an answer than, “Just don’t. I don't like it.” It was so cold in that house. For the longest time, I thought it was the heater acting up, but each time I thought that, I was too tired from work to get up and check the thermostat. Ellie likes the cold, always keeping the house at 64 degrees. She told me every day that she wouldn’t turn up the thermostat until she saw snow outside. It’d been cold enough to snow since September.

It’d been a long day at work, made even worse when I had to stay three hours overtime. Thanksgiving was worse than Christmas. Or maybe it was worse because I couldn’t focus worth a damn, ever since-

Ellie called from another room, "Hi hun!"

I was too far into my weary daze to reply back. She probably thought I said something back, but was too quiet for her to hear. Her soft footsteps came into the living room where I was, as I was taking off my shoes. While I was putting them on the shoe rack, she coughed. Being so exhausted, I treated her cough like it was nothing. One of the shoes fell off the rack, since I carelessly put it too close to the edge. I went to replace it, but Ellie roughly grabbed my shoulders, and spun me around in her direction. Behind her long, blond bangs, I saw one eyebrow raised seductively. She glanced down to her chest, prompting me to do the same.

She was wearing the little red thing. Lingerie, I should call it, but “little red thing” was my first thought ten years ago when we were both twenty. The space above the lacey fabric is where I’m supposed to look. The little red thing pushed her breasts up and together, creating a strong line of cleavage. They rose up and down, up and down as she breathed, and I was supposed to feel joy. But I didn’t. They reminded me of Emily. My sweet Emily...

She said flirtatiously, “What do you think?”

I stared at her collarbone, unable to speak to her, unable to look at her breasts or her smiling face. She giggled girlishly, took my arm, and pulled me in the direction of our bedroom. Unprepared for how fast she was walking, I stumbled a bit on the way. All the while, I watched her ass in the skimpy red lace as her long legs strode forward, trying desperately to have it turn me on like it used to. It didn’t, and it made me ashamed.

Ellie pushed me into the room and shut the door, even though it was useless since no one else lived there anymore. She guided me to the bed, and sat me down. She straddled me so she was looking straight into my eyes. Her brown eyes were glazed over in lust. Her hands went slowly from my shoulders, to the back of my neck. Pushing her breasts into me, she started kissing my cheek. I tried to return the favor. The smell of her hairspray was strong enough to make me choke momentarily on the fumes, and I wondered why she put so much on. Her warm skin against my lips, I kissed her neck the way she always loved, but the effort was halfhearted. She moaned once softly. After a while, she pulled back.

Still smiling, she asked, “Was work stressful today?”

I nodded.

She cocked her head to the side, her eyes still glazed over. “Aww, well, don’t worry about a thing now. We’re gonna have a lot of fun tonight.”

Ellie put her hands behind her back to get the button holding the little red thing together, but was having trouble with it. I remember the first time she ever wore it, she was able to undo the button just fine. She mumbled for me to help her, so I leaned forward, and got the button. The straps feel over her shoulders, along with half of the outfit. Her breasts were no longer covered. My hands travelled to her chest. Her skin was so smooth, and hot against my icey hands. I could feel the gentle tap of her heart on my fingertips.

I didn't know what to do next. I didn't want to do anything next, but I didn't want to disappoint her. I slid my hands to her shoulders, and had them go to her upper arm. I saw her smile disappear.

She said, "You would've gone crazy for this back then." And she was right, I would've held her against the wall and fucked her until the sun came up. Back then was two years ago, at least. Before Emily.

Ellie got up and walked to the window, and I followed her. Outside, there was no color. The night sky was dark from overcast, the grass was dead and dying, and the trees were either bare, or clinging on to lifeless leaves. Every so often, a gust of wind would blow, sending two or three leaves tumbling to the ground. A lamp in the house in front of us was on, but the light coming from it wasn't even yellow. Grayish tan at best. Behind me, I heard a fly buzz around the ceiling light. The house’s fly problem was about to enter its second year, and whenever Ellie would see one, she'd get pissed at me for not fixing it. But to fix the problem, I had to find the cause, and I could never find the goddamn cause. Often I had the urge to scream, “Why are you here?! What the fuck do you want, you tiny motherfuckers?! Where the fuck is the dead carcass you’ve been eating?!"

Ellie was sniffling beside me. I touched her waist, but she stepped away, putting the straps back on her shoulders. Her eyes were no longer glazed over, and were now covered with a shadow. She was staring at the ground. A while later, she lifted her head to meet my gaze.

She asked, “What happened?” Her voice was weak when she spoke, like she was carrying a thousand bricks on her shoulders. And she seemed so far away, even though we were only six feet apart. We were strangers, and she was speaking to me from across a river. Strangers… She really had no idea what happened.

She told me, “You haven’t been the same for the past couple of years.”

You think? You really fucking think?

One of the straps fell off Ellie’s shoulders, so she slowly slipped it back on. I couldn’t look directly at her face, but I could still see her out of the edge of my vision. Her eyes started to get red, and her face was incredibly sad. Good husbands weren’t supposed to feel satisfied when their wife was in any pain, but I felt glad. So incredibly glad. Glad enough to feel horrible for what I was feeling, yet it felt so right. I hated her so much, but for a reason I couldn’t prove. A reason that might not even exist.

She asked like a whimpering puppy, “Don’t you still love me?”

I don't know. We’d been together since we were sixteen, that would be fourteen years. She was the love of my life, as cheesy and stupid it sounds. Still, I couldn’t imagine living my life with another woman. But then Emily-

She yelled, “Do you have any idea what I have to do just so you’ll glance at me?” Her face was savage, almost. Unrecognizable. An angry, beast of a woman. Her heavy breathing made the straps fall back down, exposing her again for a split second. Frustrated, she put the straps back on her shoulders again, and tried to button it. I might’ve strangled her if I kept standing, so I went to the bed to sit down. She went over to the bed, and stood in front of me with her arms crossed.

"Is it because I don't look as good as I used to? Is that the deal?"

No, she didn’t look as good as she used to. Nothing changed physically, but nowadays, my mind tended to wander other places whenever I had to catch a glimpse of her. Emily...

She pushed my shoulder, I assumed to get my attention. "You know what? Why did you stay so late for work? Wouldn't the cleanup crew kick you out by 7:30?"

No, the cleaning crew didn’t even come by until the end of the week. I stayed there so long because I could hardly stand her. I couldn’t even focus on her legs anymore, I had to turn my head. It seemed like a lion was clawing at the inside of my throat, about ready to jump out and tear the bitch in front of me apart. But my wife wasn’t a bitch, I was the lying, piece of shit of a husband she says I am at least once a week. Or she was the deceptive monster I thought she was. My mind was running away from me.

She asked in a furious tone, “Are you cheating on me?”

I didn’t speak. It would’ve been useless. Once she brings up something like that, there was no way to steer her another direction. She thought I was cheating, I just had to accept it. For her, the truth is what she wanted it to be. Emily, my darling baby!