The Day After
The day after a death is strange. Everything else continues as it was, except for you. You know who is gone, but with your duties you hardly get to focus on it. The day of you cried, and grieved, and you got to be still to grieve.
But the day after, when it's still so fresh, you still have to go on and work. You have to answer over and over where you were as people ask. Admit it, that they are gone.
It could be a 'real' family member, maybe. A person. But then, you get more than that day. You get more time, and no one expects you to 'get over it'. For a pet, you aren't given that. Some will give you the grieving time you need. Understanding. Others will tell you you are being dramatic. That it was only an animal, and you should move on.
But they are real family members, and going through the day after their death, as if everything is normal, being expected to do what you always did before, while trying to grieve...it feels wrong, sometimes. Other times you feel normal. At times you even forget, for a moment, what happened. That they're gone. Maybe you'll feel guilty for it.
It hurts. Maybe not physically. Maybe hurt isn't the word. But..it something's. And it something's so hard, so much, so persistently, and it feels like it'll never stop. Sometimes you're afraid that it will stop.
I don't know what comes after it all yet. I'm still only in the day after. But i hope it'll be ok, and if nothing else, one day I'll see my Ollie again.
