Dead Mollyhawk

DEAD MOLLYHAWK

SCOTT GREENE

…Somedays you wake up and your housemates don’t let you use the DUNNY…so you just do a runner down the beach and snap one off in the dunes. If your good you don’t even need TOILET PAPER. You just zip your wetty up and jump in the soup for a good rinse…

this is a story called DEAD MOLLYHAWK….

GOOD MORNING

I woke up today and went to the kitchen and my house mate said good morning. I’m not much of a good morning person so I think I might wait till afternoon and then say good afternoon. That’s about it right now.

EAT THE WAVE

At the beach there’s this dog and he just chases the waves and barks. He loves it so much. A wave will come in and he’ll run along the beach chasing the wave, barking at it. Then the next wave WILL COME IN and he’ll turn around and run the other way, barking at thAT wave. He does this for hours. Just running back and forth chasing waves. Sometimes he tries to EAT the wave. He’s just fully stoked and mad on it, madder than a Christmas pudding. He loves it so much. I wonder what he does when its flat, probly just sits in his hammock or on his cushion dreaming of waves. Maybe we should buy him a Frisbee, for the flat days. I love him so much. More than my skateboard, or favourite jumper, that’s a fair bit of love right there.

I saw him this day and he did this for like half an hour or so, chasing the waves and trying to eat them. I tried to tell him to contain himself but he wouldn’t listen. He was too busy ruling the waves. It’s like trying to talk to Grandpa when he’s in the shed or watching tv or reading a book.

EASTER

Last Easter my housemates made me eat spag bol on good Friday. I didn’t know it was good Friday and they gave me spag bol. After that we had to surf DEVILS BLUFF. It was funny. My girlfriend came and watched and told us to get jobs, but We said look here girly, we’re surfing DEVILS BLUFF every good Friday from now on.

WARS

There’s all this stuff about a war in the desert, on tv and in the media at the moment, but you don’t really know. The stuff they do in the movies these days, with special effects and that, it could all be just a publicity stunt to sell some stuff or promote a cd or a fragrance. Like when my friend does an air reverse. That’s a publicity manoeuvre. I reckon that’s it. My other mate has a big camera and a big lens and he captures all these pictures up real close and really clear and then he uses the pictures to sell stuff and make money from his manoeuvres. I dunno, I reckon your better off just being free to do what you want.

Why would you have a fight in the desert anyway? Surely if you were going to have a war, you’d do it some place where there were some amenities close by. Then at the end of the day you could go and have a beer at the pub. like you do after a game of ball.

THE SPEAR

On my last surf I pissed off my instructor. I was really HUNGRY and nearly dropped in on him. He said do that again and I’ll spear you with my board and leave you to bleed to death on the beach. I said ok, no worries, and paddled off. He must have been pretty HUNGRY too.

STUFF THAT GLOWS

Sometimes when I can’t sleep, I walk along the beach and count the stuff that glows. When it’s dark you see these things that glow in the sand and in the water. Sometimes you think it’s just stars reflecting from the night sky, but they’re actually little glowing spots of something. When we were in school, we were told it was some kind of little animal that glows (and has get togethers in the sand). I dunno though, I’m not so sure. It might be stuff from outta space, or it could be from bullets. Maybe its dust off of a comet which glows cause of the chemical. It could also be the soul of dead living creatures. Whatever the stuff is, dolphins love it. In the middle of the night they swim through it while everyone else is sleeping and all you see is this green wavy dolphin shaped wake through the water.

Last time when I couldn’t sleep, I walked along the beach and checked and there were many of these things that glow. I didn’t have my calculator or tally book but I mentally logged it in the many column. Whatever it is, it’s pretty rad. Sometimes its fluorescent green, sometimes its fluorescent blue. Sometimes its fluorescent green- blue; turquoise.

THE MAGPIE

On the way to the beach there’s this magpie. He’s off his head. He sits in the tree talking to no-one, well, maybe he’s talking to the moon or someone in his head. He says one thing, then when the wind changes, he says something totally different. He’s still warbling now. I think he’s talking to the moon. He’s a total lunatic. Talking like he thinks he owns the suburb and the whole country too. I think someone should give him a banana or meat pie to fill his silly hole. Magpies don’t care about the stuff that glows. You never see them at the beach. Sometimes you see crows there, but not magpies. Maybe they’re allergic to the sand or the stuff that glows.

SAILING

Sometimes we go sailing. Its ok, but not as fun as surfing. When you go surfing you just go when you want when the waves are good but with sailing there’s rules and laws. You’ve got to be on time and you’ve got to sail fast. The only rules to surfing are to have fun and get waves. You can go fast or slow it doesn’t really matter. Anyway, when we go sailing the starter never fires his gun, so we never get across the line. If I get a yacht, I’ll call it The Never-Never.

FISHING

Some days when there’s no surf or when you’ve got nothing to eat, you go fishing. You take your Dads rod, or your Mums or your Sisters or your own if you’ve got one, and you go and have a cast. Sometimes you catch fish and sometimes you don’t. Some days you catch lots and some days you catch none at all, just bits of sea lettuce and other miscellaneous weeds. Sometimes you get bites and then the fish get off. Catching fish is fun and exciting and it’s a bit of a rush when you get a bite. It’s not all about catching fish though. It’s good to be outside, you just cast and wind and watch the wind and watch the birds riding the wind, looking for their food in the sea. when you’re fishing, sometimes you lose your concentration or you get distracted, maybe you’re watching something, a boat or a bird or a hot girl in a bikini and your trying to get a bite on your line at the same time and your winding and winding not looking at your line but looking at the boat or the bird or the hot girl. Then all of a sudden, your line jams like you’ve got a bite and you get all exited thinking that you’ve got a fish but you look at your rod and you’ve just reeled your wobbler right in to the end of your rod. You feel like a bit of a duffer cause you’re all wound up. Then you just have a laugh and keep on fishing and looking at stuff.

Some Fisherman have boats. They’re pretty cool, they catch all sorts of fish for you like trumpeter and trevally and flake and tuna. I just fish off the rocks. Sometimes I pretend the rocks are a boat.

THE BEST GRASS

Last time I went fishing there were these sheep eating grass. Not the way they normally do just standing up eating, but they were kneeling on their front legs, like they were praying or laying tiles. It looked kind of graceful, but I don’t know why they were kneeling like that. I don’t think sheep have a god, so I don’t reckon they were praying. maybe their backs were sore so they had to kneel or maybe one of them lost a contact lens and they were looking for that. Maybe they were kneeling to get their faces closer to the ground so they could choose the best grass. I reckon that’s it. I reckon That’s what I’d be doing if I was a sheep; I’d be LOOKING FOR THE BEST GRASS.

THE CROW AND THE WASP

Mostly when you surf near the bluff, there’s a crow that just sits there on a rock, at the top of the bluff. He sits there cawing at full volume. He’s so loud and raucous. He fully owns the whole bluff. He doesn’t do normal, casual crow cawing, like FARK, FARK, but full on mad barking cawing like FAAAARK, FAAAAARK, FAAAAAAAAAARK. All the feathers around his throat bristle with excitement and he arches his back with each call. I think he might be mentally ill. I’m not sure, but he just sits on the rock cawing all day at the waves or the wind. Maybe he’s calling in the swell or the dolphins or the killer whales. Does he even care about his family, I don’t reckon? To be fair, maybe he’s just had a bad breakfast, or he’s been shipwrecked off of a vessel and he’s looking for that. So, you just say “hi crow” and then go get some waves and then get hammered and paddle in. when you paddle in you cut your foot on the rocks and the wasp comes and starts nibbling at your wound like you’re a DEAD SEAL.

DEAD MOLLYHAWK

There was a Dead Mollyhawk on the beach the other day. Maybe a dog attacked it, or it choked on chips, or maybe its girlfriend killed it. Anyway, it was smelly and rank and all these maggots were eating his body, so I dragged him up into the dunes and gave him a proper burial. Partly cause I felt sad for the bird and also cause I swim at the beach and when I swim, I don’t want to swim through dead bird mess and maggots. Everyone else on the beach was just walking past on the way to church or to get the newspaper or to wash their yachts. I didn’t give him the last rites or anything, just put some sand over his broken body and covered him up a bit. I think he was pretty happy. Birds don’t care about religious shit.

RIDING

No waves today so I just went for a ride. When you ride you’ve got to be careful that you don’t get run over by trains and trucks and cars. I had a mate that got hit by a car. There was no one in the car at the time. It was a driverless car! He didn’t fair to well but when it went to court nothing happened and he didn’t get any compo. How can a judge give you compo if there’s nobody in the car that hit you? It’s unbelievable!

WHERE THE WIND BLOWS

Some days the waves come up, the swell builds and the wind is offshore. Its good. Then the swell dies. Sometimes the wind blows, the waves come up and the wind stays on the waves all the way. Sometimes the swell builds and you surf and then it builds again and you surf some more, or watch the footy.

NEWSPAPER POISONING

Today a rock fisherman took my car key. When you go surfing you’ve got to hide your key so no-one takes your car. This day I just left it on the rocks cause no-one was around. We’ve got a spot on the rocks which is like our change room. Anyway, this rock fisherman came and picked it up. I saw him when I was OUT THE BACK in the SWELL and the CHOP and the WIND and the WAVES. Two were fishing and a smaller one was taking photos. I like to keep an eye on things. I was in trouble. HE was in trouble too cause I was angry. I had to paddle in and ask for the key back. I said “Where’s my key Mr”. The junior rock fisherman showed me the key. Then we talked. He said was I the guy in the waves. I said “No”. It was a big lie. I told him he could keep those photos, I don’t need anymore friends. I don’t know why he took my key. Maybe he thought the car was his and it said rock fisherman on it, or maybe he wanted to use the key to catch fish with. Who Knows?

On my way home I bought a pie from my friend at the shop. She’s big and round but we get on ok. I feel sorry for her working the shop though. She has to look at the same silly people in the newspaper everyday. I’m glad I don’t have to do it. I reckon I’d get a cold or possibly the flu.

NEIGHBOURS

My neighbours a real character. He talks like a character from Sesame Street. He likes painting and messing round with his wheely bin. He’ll paint his house and then paint it again. He takes ages. After painting he’ll bang the lid on his wheely bin. I think he likes the noise. After he’s played with his wheely bin, he’ll shuffle down the street in his gumboots. I dunno where he goes or what he does. He called me shit head today. I reckon that’s funny, don’t you?

My other neighbour is a street walker. She walks the streets with her shopping bags checking stuff out. She’s pretty chill. Sometimes you see her at the Op Shop and sometimes you see her at the footy. She’s a real character. She loves the footy. When her team kicks a goal she screams out YIEEWW. She’s got a bigger YIEW than any surfer I know. She’s funny.

THE/MY LOCAL

Today I went to my local again. In fact, I went twice. I don’t know why but I just keep getting drawn back to my local. It’s a bit of a trap. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or bad thing, going to your local all the time.

THE FARMER

Today we had a fight with the farmer. When you go to the cove you sometimes walk over the headland. The headland has barbed wire around it and signs saying KEEP OUT TRESSPASSERS PROSECUTED. It’s because someone threw the farmers sheep off the cliff. ANYWAY, sometimes you jump off the cliff and paddle to the cove. Other times you RUN THE GAUNTLET and go over the headland. This day me and me mates ran the gauntlet. We went over the headland. The farmer saw us and hooned up on his farm bike. GET OF MY LAND he said. I asked him why was he so angry and then said this is an OUTRAGE, not being allowed to walk to our surf break. I told him to go away and walked off. You probly shouldn’t fight with people with guns.

FULL MOON

Some nights when the moon is full, I like to look at the moon. Not every night because you don’t always see it, but when it’s a full moon and the moon is big and bright and round, I like to stare at it. It’s beautiful and kind of mesmerising. It makes me feel small and insignificant and also makes me feel connected with the rest of the world.

THE TRACK

Today I went to the beach again, by myself. Some days you go with your mates and other days you just go down by yourself. When I was walking down the track a girl came up on her horse. It was the farmer’s daughter. I said hello and she said hi and then we started talking. We talked about the waves and the track and riding and her horse and then a bit about the weather. It was good. I felt tingly inside. She looks lovely in her riding costume and her long brown hair blowing in the wind. Next time I see her I might ask her out. We can go along the track together and do stuff in the dunes or sit on the beach together.

MIND SURFING

Some of the best waves you get are when your MIND SURFING. Your walking along the beach or on the rocks, the wind can be onshore, it doesn’t matter. Miniature waves come into the shore and break and you imagine its four feet and your surfing them, going left and right, zig zagging, weaving and turning and dropping into pits and generally CARVING. You could be surfing a new place in the universe, ORIONS POINT or MAGELLANS REEF or some other place. Like real surfing its better with your crew.

THE OCEAN

Some days I just sit and stare at the ocean. It blows my mind… this one giant pool of water that stretches over and covers and connects the whole world. If you had a boat you could travel just about any place you wanted, New Zealand, Fiji, Russia? Anywhere you wanted. That’s how people used to travel in the olden days you know, across the ocean. No-one knows where it comes from, all this water. It’s amazing it doesn’t fall off into space. Gravity just keeps it there, nice and level. Some people reckon it came from comets. That’s a lot of comets! Maybe it was here all along and just got squeezed out of the rocks. Maybe it got pissed out by the dinosaurs. Pissed out through their dicks and vaginas.

NIGHT TIME

Usually at night, there’s not a whole lot to do. You can’t go out every night and there’s not much to watch on tele. Sometimes if the moons full and bright you can get some waves. Sometimes I sit out on the balcony and have a smoke and look at the stars. They’re just tiny little points of light coming from a long, long way away. If you had a good telescope you might be able to see someone on a different planet, just going about their normal daily life, like building a brick wall for example. Thing is though, you’d be looking at the distant past, like 650 years ago or something. They’d be long gone, dead and buried and probably the brick wall too. That’s a blow-out isn’t it? Same for us too, if someone from a different planet looked at the world, they’d probably see JESUS walking on water. It’s all just HEARSAY though. The Universe is so vast and huge you can’t even comprehend it. Scientists think that the universe started in a big bang, but this is just a conspiracy. Everyone knows that god did a fart and blew the universe out his backside.

THE SNAKE AND THE EAGLE

I know I start everything with sometimes, but its true. Sometimes when you’re going down the track you see this thing that looks like a stick, but then you see it wriggle and move and you go OH SHIT cause you just realised it’s a BLACK SNAKE. The BLACK SNAKE can see you and smell you and can feel you coming through the ground but he doesn’t do anything. He just stands there sunbaking. Now I’m not that good at maths but I know a quarter is half and half again…so, say this SNAKE is quarter the size of a human, half of you and half of me, he’s pretty BALLSY, just staying there in the open. Imagine if you were faced with something twice as big as you. You’d probly run and hide. Not the BLACK SNAKE though. No. its all because the BLACK SNAKE is a DANGEROUS ANIMAL. He knows he’s DANGEROUS and he knows, you know he’s DANGEROUS. That’s why people mostly leave him alone and also why he doesn’t give much of a fuck.

Eventually he’ll wander off. Either his tribe has called him or he’s got some other business to attend to and he’ll meander away.

After you’ve seen the snake, sometimes you’ll see the EAGLE. No matter how you’re feeling, the EAGLE always cheers you up. He’s a LEGEND. The SNAKE and the EAGLE don’t mess with each other. They have MUTUAL RESPEKT.

JET SKIS AND DOLPHINS

One of my mates has a jet ski and sometimes he rides out on the top of the sea, behind the island. I ’m not really into jet skis so I don’t go but the island is way, way out, and we wonder what he’d do if his jet ski broke down. He just shrugs his shoulders and says dunno. My mate reckons he’s so in tune with the ocean he could probly conjure a pack of dolphins to come and tow him back to shore.

THE FLOOD

It rained heaps. So much. Everything got washed down the river. You’re just doing your normal thing, checking the beach and then the weather comes in. no-one knows where it comes from; the north, the south, east or west, no-one knows! Some of my dolphin buddies were out there when the storm came. I didn’t expect to see them, but they were out there, FREAKS! I’m not sure if they were out there for me showing off, trying to replicate my 360 spinner. I think they wanted me to play but I know what they’re like those pesky creatures. One minute they want you to play then next minute they get nasty, like the kid on the bike track that wants to run you over. Anyway we were playing in the mist like puff the dragon (he had mates you know!), then next thing the storm comes in and there’s a flood. One of my neighbours lost her Christmas tree. She was down there looking for it. I think she owns the beach now cause she’s got a big walking stick like Gandalf. Maybe she was the one that made the flood. We don’t know. Anyway, She said GOOD MORNING to me and I said GOOD FUCK OFF…I’m not much of a GOOD MORNING person. Then she chased me down the beach with her big walking stick. there’s going to be a carnage when the council try to sell her Christmas tree. I reckon they’ll advertise it in the newspaper. Maybe she’ll buy it again for next year. Who knows.

I guess we’ll see.

See ya.