Prologue
I take a deep, steadying breath in and then held it for a moment before letting it gush back out through my gritted teeth.
I feel sick and I wondered again if I was doing the right thing? But then my anger swelled, pumping through my veins in time with my heartbeat.
Their betrayal still so fresh I can taste the bitterness of it on my tongue.
I bend down, picked up my bag then straightening my shoulders, I march to the train platform. Looking up at the massive digital screen, I look to check if my train is on time. With a flutter of anticipation I realise that it has just arrived. I had chosen a city a few hours away from where I currently lived. I had also changed my surname so that it would be more difficult for them to find me.
This is it, I'm going to start a new life away from my interfering family and cheating fiancé.
As I started to walk towards my train, I jumped at the sound of my phone ringing. I quickly reached into my back pocket of my skinny jeans to check the caller id.
Shit, not again! I quickly turn my phone off looking around as I do so, trying hopelessly to see a bin. Nothing! Damn it! Then out of the corner of my eye, I notice a girl begging. I made my way over to her and handed her my phone.
She looked back st me surprised but I just smiled and told her to take it. I had already decided to buy a new one anyway, plus there was no one that I wanted to speak to.
She quickly took it and stashed it in her pocket of her jacket which had seen better days. I smiled again and walked on, my train was departing in 10 minutes.
I made my way through the hustle and bustle of people, insulated in my protective bubble. I walked with my eyes towards the floor, hoping to avoid eye contact with anyone.
Unfortunately this was a bad idea and I almost walked into the back of somebody. I mumbled an apology and kept walking but this time looked up.
With a quick glance behind me I realised it had been a guy around my age who I had almost knocked over. My eyes briefly met his before I turned my head again, blushing as I did so.
I shook my head, making my ponytail bounce slightly. Taking another deep breath, I stepped onto the train. As the doors closed behind me and I made my way to find a seat, I smiled to myself.
My new beginning was starting now...
Hey! I saw your post in Beta-Readers and thought I'd give it a try. I'm not intrigued. The prologue was very "vanilla." You want to hook readers right from the get-go and make them care about your character but it's difficult to care about someone when there's no way to connect with the character on a personal level. I think you could spice up this chapter a lot by adding more personality to the main character. Is she scared? Nervous? Anxious? Why? Are these normal behaviours? I find the first-person narrative needs to really get down and dirty with the character's most intimate thoughts and feelings so that we can get a good idea of who the character is. After all, the story is from their perspective so the reader should know everything going on inside the narrators head as the story is told. Hopefully this is helpful. I think you have some great potential here!
I liked this chapter so far but I would able to give my opinion after reading some more chapters. so update fast... I am waiting.