One
Abs
To say that I feel as though I'm too old for this would be an understatement. Currently running out of breath trying to find a place to hide from someone or something that had been following me for the past 45 minutes and what should have been the most peaceful commute home. It's not like I walk good dark alleys in a crime-ridden town, this was the freaking suburbs.
I don't know why I decided to pick up a second job. It's not like I have it easy working full-time, going to school full-time, and most of all being a mother to an amazing albeit sometimes annoyingly similar to me creature. Right now I am seriously regretting taking the shift that had a 10 pm out time.
As my heart rate started to pick up so did my pace I didn't want to make it obvious that I was scared but I wasn't about to become a sitting duck waiting for someone to pounce. I'm just more upset that this was happening here after I had fought so hard to take my child away from the violence that had surrounded my childhood.
I'll be honest I hadn't heard footsteps I hadn't seen anyone but I knew... I knew someone was following me and I didn't want to wait to find out why. So to go back to my first statement I'm too fucking old for this. I suddenly start thinking about all the things in my life that I want to do. I don't know why whenever most people are faced with death or fear of death (because us be honest I still didn't know what was going on) they get a will to live and that was exactly what I was thinking about. I want to travel the world and drag my kid with me even though he would be kicking and screaming the entire way. I wanted to do protest and wear a rainbow shirt that said "proud mom" because I was so proud of my child who was brave enough to come out of the closet and tell me he was gay. I wanted to visit my parents one more time and thank them for raising me to be an obstinate hard-headed person who refused to give up even when there were so many times I was on my knees crying in the bathroom feeling lost as fuck.
Then I switch to my concerns for the future of course, mostly what will happen to my kid? Would he have to be raised by his dad? Because my ex says he's okay with everything but I never really know what he's thinking which is part of the reason why we aren't together. What will happen to my house? I worked my ass off to buy it. Who would help pay for my parent's bills? All these things just started swimming through my head and I was so distracted I didn't realize that I had turned down a dead-end street. Ugh, I had refused to lead my stalker straight to my house and like an idiot and started making turns without paying attention.
"Way to fucking go dumbass!" As I berate myself for my poor decision-making skills I look around for anything that could be used as a weapon in self-defense and try to remember all the moves I learned when I took those free self-defense classes the sheriff's department offered last summer to no avail because all I can remember is how sore I was.
I reached the end of the road and it led to some woods and there was no way in hell I was going to go in there so I decided to put my big girl panties on and turn around. I mean come on there were houses everywhere and that meant that there would be witnesses to my screams of terror should I get to that point because honestly, a part of me was still saying that this was all inside my head. So I started to walk in the right direction of my house and tried to shake off the feeling that I was either crazy or being followed something that made no noise but had a presence.
I decided to risk my best friend's wrath and call her so that it didn't seem as though I wouldn't be missed if I died, except that it would require waking up the sleeping beauty. The phone rang three times before it clicked and the voice on the other line said "is this going to require me getting out of my pj's to bail you out? I will have to explain to Connor why I had to leave to get his mom out of jail." I had to smirk at her comment before responding "Cállate y no te asustes. Estoy asustada, te lo juro que alguien me está siguiendo." (Shut up and don't be scared. I'm scared, I swear someone is following me) I don't know why I felt like speaking in Spanish would make it so that my stalker would not know what I was saying but I knew that I had her attention because of how silent the other line went, she even held her breath.
"Envíame tu ubicación"(send me your location) was all I heard next and I realized I could send her my location live through the map app. We always joked about using the feature on our teenage boys since they tended to be a handful when together. I turned the location on and kept walking while trying to sound calm "No veo a nadie pero siento como si alguien me esta siguendo." (I don't see anyone but I feel like someone is following me.) She mumbled a contemplative hum before asking "¿Has soñado de esto pasando? (Have you dreamed of this happening?) Damm my dreams, the things that saw the future and left me scared to sleep, petrified that it a genetic trait and perpetually looking over my shoulder. I had to scroll through my memories to see what the answer to her question would be..." No, nunca"(no, never) was all I could say as I turned on my block. The strangest thing happened though at that very moment...the feeling of being followed vanished.
I still felt as though my heart was going to explode out my chest and Vero was still on the phone so I huffed loudly so that she knew I was still on the line. She knew where I was at because I could hear her nails tap the screen of her phone as I assume she was zooming in on the map to get my location. As my heart rate began to slow down and the adrenaline leave my body I suddenly remembered that I had worked a 6-hour warehouse shift after already working a full 8 hour day as a receptionist and my body did not appreciate my speed walking with a backpack on my back filled with my change of clothes and an empty lunch box.
Searching for my keys while still looking around I whispered "ya llegue" (I arrived) letting her know that I made it to my house in one piece. As I turned the knob and pushed through the familiar warmth and smells engulfed me, allowing me to begin to relax. The turning of the locks had an effect on my nerves in the most unsettling way as my body slumped down when the final traces of adrenaline left me. Vero waited a few moments before responding "Tómate un trago. Y vete a dormir" (have a shot.and go to sleep). I chuckled as I responded "ya se, hablamos mañana" (I know, we will talk tomorrow) before hanging up.
The clock on the microwave already said that it was 12:30 a.m. which made me want to kick myself for trying to elude my mysterious stalker it caused me to come home over an hour later than I should have. I'm happy that the boys were having a sleepover at Vero's house so that I would not have to explain why I was checking all the windows and door locks. Words could not describe how grateful I was to have Vero in my life. Her son Nathan, my godson is a soccer star at school and a year older than Connor and didn't bat an eyelash when Connor came out. Before you ask no they are not together they are both very set in their ways very much not interested in each other which I was happy with because they were a good testament that a straight man could be friends with the gay one and they're not being mixed messages. The boys weren't best friends but had been raised as "cousins" and treated each other as family.
When I was sure that everything was locked and secured I peeled out of my sweaty and dirty uniform and hopped into the shower. The smell of my shampoo and body wash helped me wash away knots and as the hot-water beaded on my back all I could think about was that strange feeling the whole walk home and try to ponder why it stopped when I made it to my block. What was it that made me feel like I was being followed? Why did it stop when I got to my block? Whoever or whatever that was following me, was it a friend or a foe? Why hadn't I dreamed of this? The questions played in my head over and over again as I shut the water off and got dressed. I made it a point to set an alarm for tomorrow since I had housework and homework to do and the child to pick up. When I was sure that everything was secured the second time around I took my well-needed shot, and the combination of the late-night shower along with the adrenaline that had to rushed through my body finally caught up to me and the level of exhaustion I was feeling barely let me brush my teeth and throw some moisturizer on my face before I crashed onto my bed rendering me dead to the world and temporarily wiping away all thoughts of the nights events from my mind.
