Prologue
What now?
I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. As I traced its smooth curves and indents with my eyes, I let my mind wander. Unsatisfied with my findings, I sat up and clambered out of the plush covers, only to saunter over to the balcony. The polished marble cooled the bare bottoms of my feet, sending a blissful chill down my spine.
I opened the balcony door with a simple tug, a sudden gust of wind blowing my hair behind me. With ease, I lifted myself to the marble rail. I sat there on the ledge, my legs dangling off carelessly. Letting my eyes slide shut, I enjoyed the peaceful moment. The sky wept with petals from the Forest, carried on the crisp breezes.
"Why do you stay here?"
Opening my eyes languidly, I fought the urge to run. What was the point of that? Where was the point in that?
"Where else can we go? Besides..." I trailed off, letting my hand trace the railing, unabashed thoughts drifting about.
"Besides what?"
"I feel like- if we wait for a while, something good will come out of this...eventually."
"How soon is eventually?"
"I am not sure-"
"We have a better chance in The Forest than we do here."
"You hate it no more than I, but we must do this for now. Trust me."
There was a long pause.
"Fine. Have it your way."
Before I could reply, she receded back into the depths of my mind. I caught a white feather in the corner of my eye, drifting past on the breath of the clouds. Carried with it were a few pink petals from the churning trees of the Forest, peacefully floating back to earth. I yearned to leave this horrid place, I truly did. But I had nowhere to go. If I were to stay, this would never end. If I were to leave, I would experience something... a little different.
I had been through my fair share of gore and horror, yet my life was anything but over. I will live... a very long time. My own life is not even in my own hands. It will not ever be my choice of when it ends. My focus wandered over to the Forest, watching the pale moonlight dance meaningfully upon the trees. My eyes fluttered towards the full moon. It seemed to shine like a bowl of liquid silver, staring crudely.
I tore my eyes away, feeling intrusive to its nonexistent thoughts. It seemed to enthrall me. At all times, whether I could see it or not. To me... it seemed to always be in some sort of existential crisis, fluctuating between shapes. Then disappearing for a while.
An unspoken part of me craved it. The part that wanted me to remember. The part that I was now numb to. To feel things I had thought long forgotten.
I felt my hand move towards the railing of the balcony, locking it in a deathly grip. Have I become so insufferable as to only have myself to turn to? My own thoughts? Is it true that I am only a shadow of myself? Even she has left me alone most nights. As I have wondered countless times, of how I still am possibly sane, it was terribly marvelous.
I attempted to direct my focus elsewhere. Anywhere but that dark place. I knew that thinking over such things was not healthy. Being here... was not healthy, nor was it safe in any way. I could not stay. But where would I go?
At least I knew what would come my way if I were to stay here. I placed great value on being prepared. I had to, as I depended only on myself for the majority of my life. I have always felt vulnerable. Open. No matter how prepared I may be.
I felt something pricking my eyes, my throat compressed. It felt strange, at that moment. It felt as if something might happen. As if I expected someone to appear, and rescue me. Like in a fairytale. As if I truly had someone to turn to, besides her. A childish fantasy. I had given up such dreams years ago when a part of me was stolen. It was out of my control. I may no longer be a small child, but my wishes and desires are anything but.
My head lifted at the comforting hoot of a familiar owl filling my ears. As always, it soothes my nerves. Why was I nervous?
Perhaps I had believed someone was listening in to my thoughts intrusively. It's laughable, in a way. It would not be the first time. No... not the first time at all. I sat in silence for a while, thinking of a tune. I began to hum for a minute, creating lyrics as I went. I gazed at the moon, a wave of serenity washing over me. Something short but sweet, the vocalizations overtaking more than a minute.
"Oh, how the rolling waves, bring you to dreary depths...
As you lay here with me, on this final breath..."
Sorrow fills your lungs
As the weight of years falls in
Can the moon, pull you up for air
As you grasp out desperately?
But if I could leave here, would you save me, my dear?
Maybe I could erase all the years...
My lullaby to you,
from me..."
Hopping down from the banister, I made my way back to my bed. Blowing my candles out on the last breath, I got comfortable underneath the warm covers. Sinking into the mattress, I reminisced the better days, unable to rest quite yet.
I lay awake, wishing for someone to whisk me away from this place. I did not wish for romance, I wished for freedom. I wished for it with such a passion that I could almost taste it on the tip of my tongue. I wondered if I even could recognize freedom, having never truly known it. Although, perhaps I would. Freedom is anywhere but here. Somewhere in the Forest, a pair of red eyes glowed. They watched, and listened intently, hearing my desperate wishes. My thoughts were kept as dim as the words I had dared not to say aloud.
I wonder, what shall he do?
