Episode 1 : Medicine Man Octagon
In this episode, Bok Choy has to face Medicine Octagon, the medicine person who created a breakthrough with cancer, but with a twist: he gives cancer to kids! :(! At the same time, Bok Choy is facing backlash after he posted a video about his dislike of supermarkets and how they segregate vegetables from other items and keep vegetables locked away. Can he keep his primary source of income (his followers) and cure cancer for kids?
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Russia is a thankless city with grey skies and a merciless atmosphere. Where is Barack Obama when you need him? Bok Choy has to pee, so he goes into a sushi restaurant. When he comes out of the kitchen, he gets an order of fortune meatballs. He cuts them open with his fork. The inside is brown and well cooked, as it should be, and the paper inside is not moist. Death toll rises to 2,000 for kids who keep getting cancer from this guy Medicine Octagon! Bok Choy reads the headline from the fortune meatball with a sigh. Jesus fucking Christ, the madness never ends. And neither does the machine. President Broccoli Rabe’s face comes out of the plate in hologram form. “Today marks the day that I will do my best to fight for the truth. This Medicine Octagon business? Absolutely a hoax! Medicine Octagon is my side hoe and he would never. Cancer is already to given to kids and is transmitted human to human. In theory, there is nothing to be done but quarantine children forever because they will never grow any larger if they have cancer.” Bok Choy opens his mouth and barks, "Yow!" The presidency is a mess, and obviously democracy is never the answer.
Suddenly, Bok Choy gets a ringer on his cell phone. Pal Buttenberger? Of course, the handsomest man in downtown Manhattan chooses a time of crisis such as this to call the protagonist. Luckily it's a burner phone, because Bok Choy gets so nervous about the prospect of talking to this cute guy that he sets his phone on fire, as you do with burner phones. Anyway, the clock is ticking, so Bok Choy pulls out his work phone, a 1967 Fisher Price Classic Chatter Telephone, out of his pocket. He dials 744 and says "vegetable time" in his deepest, sexiest voice into the wrong end of the telephone. Suddenly he is zwooped up out the restaurant where he was enjoying some nice fortune meatballs, and he is turned into a majestic flying spinach.
Sleek fibers of verdant green adorn his stringy but firm body as he rises into the air on his eagle wings. "It's go time," he says to literally no one and nyooms like Nyan Cat once did in her hit single "All the Single Legends" to the capital of Russia, Castle Capital. From behind the pearly walls of the capital building he sees what he never wanted to see rise into the air to challenge him: President Rabe holding up a piece of paper. At first, Choy has to squint because he can't read paper that far away, but he knows it says something insulting. As the President gets closer, Choy sees the words, words that shake him to his fibrous core: "Bob Choy loses 5 followers on Youtube" (Bob Choy being his online persona).
Bok grits his teeth, "Perhaps what you have there is a fact," he says, "but the real truth is that you are only interested in statements that serve you!"
"What?" President Rabe yells, because he is still pretty far away.
"I said," Bok Choy says again, "perhaps what you have there is a fact, but the real truth is that you are only interested in the statements that serve you!"
"Oh," says the President, "okay."
Bok Choy swoops forward and punches President Rabe in the chest.
"Dude what the" President Rabe said. "Ow, that really hurt."
"We're getting to 666 words. It's over now," Bok says.
