Forsaken Qualms

You were walking through the hallways of your home. It was cold indeed, yet the coldness of the night could not douse the determination reflected in your eyes.

Albeit the conclusion you have gained, there will be consequences of such actions. After all, it is opposed to what you have believed in for the past six years of your existence.

You chose to bear it.

The frosty sensation endured by your body slowly thaws as you enter a room. You see a man, a middle aged man in his 40s, attending his affairs for the night.

He appears to be surprised of your sudden advent, but let there be no mistake of his warmth when he welcomed you inside. Why he displayed this affection, you wonder.

Simple.

You are his son.

Though his blooded kin, though a son he took pride in, though an offspring that will follow his lineage in order to preserve your family's heritage… you had had to reveal your intention. A shocking disclosure it is truth be told.

Certainly as anticipated, your father did not take it well. His kind expression quickly turned into that of resentment, resentment at the words 'military.'

"Have you lost your mind, boy? Those people are savages!"

You can feel anger rise up within you. How can he refer those people who defended their home savages? You admit that fatalities are inevitable in the art of war when it comes to protecting the peace and harmony of the nation.

At a cost, their lives are at stake... At a cost, their secure life and family is at stake…

No one wants bloodshed, for sure those soldiers as well. But as the people of Barsburg, you know they execute their duty in the name of the Empire. Is that not a noble cause, then?

"I'm sorry, father. But I have no interest in the slightest of becoming what you or this family expect of me."

You saw the rage portrayed on your father's face. It was truly a disheartening sight, never in your life have you seen much disappointment in him.

A slight whimper threatened to leave your throat. A submission. You understand it was apprehension, not quite cowardice. Never was the gesticulation, any of it though, poses an actual threat. Yet the disappointment hidden underneath invoked wrath was real.

You continued to resist. Continued to rebel, continued to be stubborn.

Why did he refuse you to take on the military ranks? Would that not prove your capability, amongst family members, to serve in the army? What is the hindrance of you becoming a soldier? Surely, a new branch in the heredity could change the family’s eminence towards the public.

You want to learn the reason of his great resistance.

“Who has been feeding you these lies? Never in my life have I heard such blasphemy. From my own son. You are a disgrace!”

Livid, he was livid. Many times you have prepared yourself, envisioning the exact words he would say, before confronting this matter to him. You developed a feel of readiness – it, however, proved only to be a veil of false security.

Hearing the revelation of his words caused a strange sensation in your heart. A throbbing pain.

You cowered in the hurt trying not to cry. Not to submit or apologize for the right wronged; for the wrong righted.

"Do not dare show your face around here anymore!”

At once your vision started to get blurry. You narrowed your eyes to prevent the sudden glow of light from entering the scene. Your range of vision began to shrivel as the darkness, slowly but surely, closing in on you. You faded into the shadows of the night that welcomes you with arms wide open.

Harsh words indeed he uttered.