That night
Juri
Standing here I felt still but not still as in sleeping not still where everything is peaceful and at ease but still as in nothing around me was moving. My breathing was shallow my body felt lifeless and I couldn’t believe what I just witnessed. I knew what I had walked in on wasn’t the norm it wasn’t supposed to happen but here I am standing in the doorway looking between my lover and my best friend kissing and if I wouldn’t have walked in who knows what would’ve happened after would she have stopped because it was wrong.
Would my lover tell me later on that I wasn’t the one and end up with my best friend or would it be me clueless while they sneak around with each other until I come out of the dark to find my life in shambles and have to pick up the pieces? I don’t know ... But I do know all these thoughts came rushing at me in a blink of an eye and the next I was running out of that doorway and down the stairs music still loud and ringing in my ears from the “party of our lives” as they put it earlier. Tears we’re at the brink of my eyes but I couldn’t let them fall I not weak or maybe I’m but the world doesn’t know that.
Grabbing my things I rushed out of the house before they could even try to apologize or say the one dumb saying I never want to hear “it’s not what it looks like” yeah your so right my eyes must have deceived me like people have done to many times to count. And they knew that yet they where added on to the list now.
Sitting in my car now I drove off tears running down my burning red cheek gripping the steering wheel knuckles white I screamed in rage how was I so blind. How was I so stupid to think this world had anything for me. And with that, I turned the corner going to the place I knew best. ol' Conners lake was named after the ol' Conners family because they were the wealthiest family they bought the land but it was free to the public but that was all I knew if only that family knew what this place did for me .
Parking at the edge of the bridge before the lake I got out my car the sky was still blank and Erie but it felt right like I was drawn to the unknown. Sitting down near the lake I cried, I cried until my face was red and my eyes were swollen, I cried until I wasn’t able to cry anymore because it would hurt.
And despite my usual best instincts I didn’t go home that night I didn’t go back in my car that night because I didn’t trust myself that night what I wanted to do would only hurt me like those who I thought cared and I wouldn’t make it that easy on them so I slept near the cool breeze of the lake. Under the dark sky in my large hoodie ripped jeans and the small blanket I had in the trunk of my car.
It was more then enough for me but that night as I drifted off to sleep it wasn’t usual I mean then again I had never slept there before but I felt as if I was safe here like no matter what I had been through I was welcome here and with that thought, I went to sleep feeling safer then I could imagine.
