Baby’s amazing race
I remember that day like it was yesterday … wait it was yesterday …. Anyhooo, I remember the moment a bunch of us was released into that tunnel of love; man I was so damn glad, being cooped up in there with thousands
of relatives was not what i called comfortable. This was something I wish never to experience again.
My fellow swimmers stood ready at the marks, waiting for that moment when the starter would get that strong overflow of feelings until he blew his whistle.
Here I am working my neck and flipping my tail side to side, man it has been awhile since this bad boy has be worked so hard, thank god for hormones.
Glaring at my competition or otherwise known as my future siblings, I flip them the tail, what? I want out and they are in my way, “you are going down” my body language read looking from head to head, “on your marks,” this is it, this is it!
“Get set,” my God, my God, I wanna be born.
“Go!”
Oh no you don’t buster, “eat my tail!” I thought rushing down the tunnel to my prize.
Here I am basking in all my deserved glory and out of now where I’m pushed to the side, “help me!” a voice shouted at me while my head pressed painfully against the walls of the tunnel, “sorry fellow, it’s just not your time!” I yelled shaking my huge head, “go, go, go,” I chanted pushing my small body from the wall, “you assholes wanna play dirty!”
“Well bring it on!”
Swimming my little heart out, I swerved, I pushed and I tailed, a sperm’s got to do, what a sperm got to do, “right that’s me fool,” I yelled rubbing my tail in that cheaters face, “bite me.”
O Lord, the Holy Grail!
There it was the mother ship, my escape, my glory and the only thing standing in my way was that small headed long tailed cheater, “do you want some of this?” I hissed rolling my head, well you see I got no neck thus my need to escape this prison, damn it I am tired of sharing that two bedrooms.
“Yeah, I do,” my competition grunted wiggling his tail threateningly, “hey no need for that,” I muttered staring enviously at its long strong tail.
“Are we doing this or not?” I spat tilting my head to the air.
“Or you’re just all tail and no head?”
“Bring it on, Nemo,” he teased flicking his tail, “oh y-yeah, oh yeah ….” I stuttered swinging my head from side to side, well I got nothing.
Okay this it, the final lap to your freedom, now buck up, stretched that tail and work that head, Freedom here I come ….
“Go!”
Propelling my body forward like a fish on a survival mission from the blood thirsty shark, I swam until my tail hurt, “Oh my gosh, go, go…”
“Hey Nemo, you’re losing!”
Grunting, I put my tail into it and I pushed and pushed until the mother ship was in my grasp, “yes, yes, almost there, almost there ….”
“Winner!”
And the crowd goes wild !
“♪Do the dougie! ♪”
“♪Go Nemo! Go Nemo♪”
“♪One clap this time! Everybody clap your hands! ♪”
“See you Sucker!” I yelled diving into paradise, and man did it feel good.
“Oven I hope your heated!”
“World here I come!”
