Colors

What am I doing here? I kept asking myself as I watched his deep blue eyes lock onto mine across the table at the coffee shop. We’d taken a table outside. The waiter had already brought our orders, and I was sipping my fourth coffee of the day. My head had been throbbing all morning, early spring allergies to blame.

Though April had only just begun and a cold winter breeze still lingered in the air, the sun hung low above us, making me frown every now and then. I’d always been a night person. There was a feeling I got watching the sun sink, pulling a curtain of red with it as the moon took its throne among billions of stars, the only lights piercing the darkness. I found peace in long, dark nights — something I could never feel during the day.

I hated the morning rush, the running to work, spending hours stressing over things you really shouldn’t care about if the world wasn’t such a mess — which, unfortunately, it very much was. I hated crowded streets, kids screaming, car horns, the smell of sweat, gasoline, and perfumes. Derek always laughed at my morning grumpiness in disbelief.

Ah, there we go. Took you long enough. My subconscious mocked as I frowned, remembering him again. It had been two months since we…

“Angie.”

“Angie, are you there?” I heard him chuckle lightly, pulling me out of the train wreck of my thoughts. I looked up, meeting those deep blue eyes again.

“Uhh, sorry. I was just thinking,” I muttered, cursing myself for letting Derek worm into my head again. I didn’t want to screw this up. After all, this was what I wanted. No, what I needed.

“Tell me you want this,” he asked, leaning over the table, his gaze piercing mine. A small smile curled my lips at the sight of him. He was beautiful — probably around 6’3”, clearly trained, muscles defined but not overdone. A dark green long-sleeved sweater hugged his chest and arms, emphasizing his build. His ash-blonde hair fell effortlessly in messy waves, making his dark blue eyes pop. Those eyes hid a storm behind thick lashes. His beard was meticulously shaved, showing he cared about details.

I sighed and looked away, letting the words spill out. “I’ve never tried anything like this. But the more I read about it, the more I felt I needed it. It’s just…” I took a deep breath before continuing. “He took part of me, and all he left me with are broken pieces I can’t glue back together. I feel nothing. There’s just emptiness inside me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat… sometimes I wonder if I even breathe. Every day is the same — no matter what I do, he’s on my mind. I need something to pull me back. I need something to make me feel again. I need to be me again.” I turned to look at him. “I don’t know why I trust you. I barely know you except through our short email chats. But being here with you now… I feel safe enough. I don’t know how this is going to work, and I don’t understand why you want me when you could find someone who already knows this stuff. But… I’d like to try.”

He gave a small smile, and for a brief moment, sympathy flickered in his eyes. I didn’t need pity. I wasn’t just a girl broken because her boyfriend left her. You mean you left him, my subconscious reminded me. After what he did, there was no other way. Derek had destroyed every bit of love I had for him. But the problem was he wasn’t just a boyfriend — he was all I had. With no parents, no siblings, no family, he had been my best friend long before he became the love of my life. He had been my home. Really, love of my life? Dramatic much, my inner voice murmured.

“I’m not looking for a typical submissive. That’s not my lifestyle — not anymore, at least,” he said, a small smirk forming. “I’ll never cross the line we agreed on. There won’t be anything sexual between us unless you change your mind, of course.” His grin made him look even more beautiful. “But I would never take advantage of you. I need you to trust me for this to work. If you don’t feel safe knowing I’ll never go beyond your limits, this has no point. We’ll start slowly. I’ll show you different things and help you understand how this works. We’ll meet once a week in my apartment. On the first session, I’ll give you instructions you’ll need to remember. Every session after that, I’ll expect you to follow those rules — and if you don’t, you’ll be punished. During the week, we’ll continue chatting via email or text, and you can ask me anything. But Angie, I want to know you too. I can be your friend as well.”

The ringing of my phone interrupted us.

“I’m sorry,” I said, frowning as I pulled my phone from my jacket to turn it off. Seeing it was Bradley, I answered quickly.

“Hey.”

“Angie, hey… umm, look, I’m sorry to call, but—” His voice hesitated, typical when he was about to mention... “It’s Derek. He needs you.”

Of course he does…