I Remember...

I remember spending a night over at my Aunt Millie’s house in 2005.

Hearing noisy people and cars passing by.

Hearing gunshots during the nights.

Hot summer at Millie’s house with Jasmine and I would go outside to see children riding their bikes playing in their filthy backyards, while neighbors sitting on their front porches. I remember seeing children passing by conversing with their friends while using profanity in their speeches. Eating Fruities. Now & Laters. Hot Flammings. Doritos mixed with cheese and hot peppers. Drinking Arizona Tea and juices.

I remember when me and my cousin Jasmin used to play school by portraying in roles of being like a teacher and a student.

I remember rocking on Millie’s black sofa couch listening to the radio in the dark living room,

Hearing the Nelly Furtado song, ''Promiscuous Girl.'' The Black Eyed Peas, ''Let's Get It Started. Purple Ribbon, ''I’m On That Krypt Tonight.''

I remember playing the classical hand clap game with Jasmine.

I remember when Millie would fix Jasmine and I ate Ramen Noodles with hot sauce. when Jasmin and I used to watch a lot of comical movies in my aunt millie's room. I remember watching ''Love Don’t Cost A Thing.'' ''Next Friday.'' “House Party and ''Big Mama’s House.''

I remember playing doll house with Jasmine. Doing hair and make up. Matching up clothes for different Barbie dolls.

I remember playing the Grand Theft Auto game with my cousin Derek.

I remember playing hide and go seek with Jasmine.

I remember when Jasmine and I walked down the narrow street to see her friend Chris. walking inside the dusty apartment building. Seeing the hyper brown dog running and jumping on Jasmine. I remember walking into chris’s filthy room, having his clothes and shoes scattered everywhere. Watching ''Courage Of The Cowardly Dog. ''

I remember going to the park with Jasmine. Swings. Basketball court. Slides and swing tires. I remember angry and aggressive children who provoked a fight with Jamin and me.

I remember when it was a sunny day and blowing wind.

I remember green trees.

I remember hearing and seeing cars passing by having their music very loud with deafening bass.

I remember going to the candy store with Jasmin next door from Millie’s house. I remember eating Hot Balls. Hot Crunchy Curls. Fruites. Chews. Freeze Pops and Star Burst.

I remember loud screams.

I remember during the night when my Aunt Millie had gotten very upset and worried about her son Derek. She was going to every neighbor’s house on the block asking them if they had seen him. I remember she had called the police to report her son missing. While Millie was sitting on the front porch being on the look out for Derek, Jasmine and I were also in the house standing up on the couch looking out of the window being on the alert for Derek. An hour later Jasmin and I noticed a guy across the street walking by a boarded and abandoned building. From our perspective we had assumed that the boy was Derek. The boy we had seen looked a lot like Derek. He was wearing a black cap, and a white t-shirt. The way he was dressed and walked, looked very consistent to how Derek walk and dresses. We had heard Millie shout out his name and she darted across the street; soon the police had arrived and spotted the boy and handcuffed him. As soon as the policeman had handcuffed and apprehended him; Millie had taken a good glimpse at the boy and we all had gotten our hopes up but the boy who we a had expected to be Derek wasn’t Derek.

I remember we stayed awake with Millie until midnight. Laying on the couch. She was so frantic worrying about Derek.

I remember us falling asleep on the couch.

I remember hearing footsteps walking up the front porch.

I remember hearing someone rotating the door knob.

I remember hearing the sound of the door opening.

I remember once we had heard someone walking into the house; we were roused by the sound of the door opening. Millie made a dash for the door quickly. And their Derek was; walking into the house looking as if nothing had happened.

I remember how angry and upset Millie was. Screaming at Derek. Wailing tears.

I remember how glad Millie was when Derek came home.

I remember how skeptical Millie was with Derek.

I remember when Derek had gotten very dramatic and sweared at Millie.

I remember when Derek had confessed to Millie about what he was doing that night. He had an altercation with three boys whom he had been friends for years over some nonsense over a girl who he was intimate with for two years.

I remember how Millie was so disappointed in Derek for leaving without her knowledge.

I remember in 2014 my Aunt Millie came over to my grandmother’s house. My grandmother and my Aunt Sandra and me were eating McDonald's in the living room. We were eating Cheese burgers. Fries. Fish sandwiches. Shakes and Coca Cola.

I remember a few hours later my cousin Tonya had picked Millie up from my grandmother’s house and she spent the night over at her house for a month; just to get out of her house and spend some quality time with her daughter. I remember once Millie had left from my grandmother’s house. My Aunt Sandra announced to my grandmother and me that she can sense something is wrong with Millie. She doesn’t have a clue what it is; but she can tell something is not quite right with Millie. I remember Millie was at home with her other daughter Toya. And Toya had noticed something was wrong with Millie. She had seen her coughing out blood in the bathroom. And she had called the ambulance. Toya was so worried and curious about why her mother was coughing out blood. And once that had happened that day; Toya had made several phone calls with the family and posted up emails and messages on facebook media about what was happening to Millie. I remember when Toya had called my mother to inform her that the doctor had announced to Toya that they had done some tests on Millie and the explanation was why Millie was coughing out blood was that she was diagnosed with lung cancer; and she might have six months to live.

I remember how upset and agitated everyone was in the family.

I remember how everyone was questioning each other about why Millie was concealing this terrible secret of her being diagnosed with cancer.

I remember what Toya had said Millie was containing her secret because she had felt that if she had apprise the family about her being diagnosed with cancer years prior was that she knew how dramatic and concerned the family would react.

I remember when my mother had told me about how sick Millie was.

I remember getting very upset and starting wailing tears.

I remember meditating and thinking about the joyful and elated memories that I and Millie had together.

I remember when my mother and I were the first who visited Millie.

I remember when everyone in the family was taking turns visiting Millie to comfort her.

I remember Millie would receive visiting gifts. Flowers. Cakes. “Get Well Soon” cards. Happy pictures of her and her family. A tape of a priests voice kept playing repeatedly in her room.

I remember that’s when Millie had found out her terrible secret was exposed to the family.

I remember how happy and lighthearted Millie was to her family visitors.

I remember the moments spent with Millie made me feel so exultant.

I remember two weeks later when the hospital had called Toya to inform her that the doctor would like to notify her and the family to discuss Millie’s condition.

I remember when my mother, and Millie’s children and siblings and I had walked into the doctor’s discussion office. The office wall color were white. The office had white tables. Black rolling chairs and black Dell computers.

I remember how the quiet and peaceful the room was.

I remember how sad looking the family was. Gliding tears swept down their faces.

I remember when the doctor had announced and discussed with the family about how bad Millie’s condition was. The doctor had advised us to ask any questions regarding Millie’s condition. My Uncle Calvin had asked the doctor about how bad Millie’s condition was going to get. The doctor responded that they might have to put Millie on hospice because her condition was not getting any better.

I remember when my Aunt Wanda started breaking down.Wailing.

I remember when everyone else in the room was so quiet. Shed tears.

I remember two days later on a Saturday night; when my mother and my Aunt Willa and I was at White Castle ordering some cheese burgers. Cheese fries. Shakes and Pepsi. And that was when we and the others had gotten a shocking and appalling phone call from Toya telling us that Millie was deceased.

I remember a sorrowful moment.

I remember dripping tears.

I remember when my mother and us rushed out the door.

I remember when it was very frigid outside.

I remember once we had arrived at the hospital and walked into Millie’s room; that's when we had seen Millie lying in the bed and that's when we knew she was gone.

I remember seeing the room’s wall color were white. Brown dresser with a big mirror attached to it. The floors were constructed out of a value of grayish marble color.

I remember everyone standing beside and around Millie’s bed grieving over her death.

I remember how unhappy and hurt everyone was.

I remember howling sounds.

I remember how close. Touching and hugging everyone was to each other.

I remember a silent moment when everyone in the room started to meditate painful and remorseful memories of Millie.

I remember when Tonya and her husband had discussed where Millie’s funeral home should be.

I remember when they had compromised where her funeral was going to be at.

I remember when the funeral was on April, 4, 2014 on a Saturday.

I remember getting ready for the funeral.

I remember wearing a black dress. Black dressy shoes. Stockings. Silver chain with a heart. Silver earrings. Black bangles. A Mickey Mouse watch and my hair was pinned up in a bun.

I remember when my mother had worn a baby bluish dress with a floral design. Black heels. Gold chain and gold hoop earrings.

I remember when my mother and I had arrived at the funeral home.

I remember what the funeral home had smelt like. Beautiful perfume. The walls painted of a light brown color. The floor were made out of black carpeting. The sofa couches were light brown with black stripes. The tables were constructed in glass and the ring around the tables were black. Some of the tables had marbel light brown vases on top with various colorful roses. Pink roses. Yellow flowers. White roses. Red roses.

I remember how quiet the funeral home was at first.

I remember when everyone else had walked into the funeral home. Looking and expressing sadness. Emotional. Wailing loud tears. Stumping. yelling loudly.

I remember when Everyone had walked into the quiet room to see my aunt Millie sleeping peacefully in her casket.

I remember when the quiet room had gotten very loud.

I remember when everyone had started to mourn. Remorse and wail over Millie’s death.

I remember me and my mother and the family had watched Millie’s joyful. loving. Exultant pictures on the tv screen.

I remember how this experience affected me in a way.

I remember not getting enough sleep. I remember staying up all night meditating over Millie’s death.

I remember not eating so much.

I remember when I kept having dreams about Millie.

I remember the dreams were about her terrible death and they were not happy dreams. I remember when I used to do my work. I remember when I would try to stay occupied but her image just kept constantly appearing on my mind.

I remember one particular aspect when I had to do an in class art project. My instructor assigned me to create a collage and drawing of pictures to symbolize the significant things in my life. I remember having images of my aunt Millie. I remember cutting out her images. I remember how sad I had gotten just by glancing at her pictures. I remember when I had a moment when I had felt like I was about to cry. I remember I decided to be strong and contain my sadness. I remember when I could not wait until the class ended. In addition to my character at this present moment, I would not let sadness defeat me.