Chapter 1
Hi. My name is Lauren Michaels and I am 14 years old. I have a pretty rough life. My mom killed herself and my dad went to jail for life. All I have is my pet dog, Cupcake. We roam the streets looking for food to eat. My favorite place to take a walk with Cupcake is Dead Run Ridge. I think it is kind of creepy in a way because there is this mansion that has been abandoned for 20 years. Sometimes, I see a woman in the window staring out at me. The REALLY scary thing about it is that NO ONE lives there. Not even a mouse. My best friend is Naomi Nickelson. She is 15 years old. I am in 8th grade and she is in 9th grade. Oh! I have to go meet up with her and explore the mansion. Bye!
Sweetie this is nice "") but maybe you should think about explaining more...perhaps how the characters looks and how the pet looks..............why did the mother kill herself and why is the father in jail? (wait is this book about you or a fantasy character?) So since they killed themselves the dog and the girl lived on the street? How did the two friends meet each other? So I presume you are going to explain about the mansion in chapter 2? I would love to see how you can expand this book if you explained more "") just my personal thought "")
But you are a sweet writer "")
It's a pleasure "")