THE LYING TRUTH A Time For Letting Go

The bakery shop window was like looking into heaven. Cupcakes, brownies, every kind of baked goods one could imagine. Mouths were watering. “I want one of those.” Lindsey pointed at the glass window jumping up and down.

“What are you pointing at, honey?” Her mother scanned the goodies on display.

“Mom, right there the cookies with the pile of chocolate icing on top.” Natalie again searched the shop window.

“Oh those, those are thumbprints” Looking down at her little girl of five years old. “I love those too. Let’s go in and get some.” When she looked back up into the window the reflection she saw stunned her. Across the street, she could see a woman who seemed familiar. Medium build long dark hair, could it be her? A quick glance over her shoulder trying not to be obvious confirmed what she suspected.

It was Abby, Kevin’s ex-girlfriend. She had met her years ago before the tragic accident that took her one and only love, her husband Kevin Madison. The woman was like a thorn in her side always showing up at the most inopportune times. And when she claimed to have been in the same accident as she and Kevin, well that just did it for her. That was until she found out it was true. They all three were affected that horrible night. Natalie actually thought she saw the last of Abigail Curtis at the cemetery. Kevin’s family had a private wake for her since she was unable to attend the funeral due to her injuries. She was still recovering from the accident. When she found out Abby couldn’t go either for the same reason she invited her. Their goodbye that day was meant for their life time.

“Is that all you want?” Natalie asks her daughter as she watches in the reflection of the window the woman get into her car and drive away. “Maybe” she giggled.

How strange after all these years to see her again. The question crossed her mind, wonder what she has been up too? Then it slipped away and her daughter filled the void.

Taking her daughter by the hand they entered the bakery. When all was done, Lindsey had finagled more baked goods than Natalie had planned to buy. Somehow though, it was difficult saying no to such little things. Natalie felt great joy watching her little girl. There was still the pain of losing Kevin that fatal August night when a drunk driver ran a red light then turned hitting them broadside as they were on their way to celebrate their anniversary. Lindsey had just turned one that June and their life together was just getting started.

Everyone always says time heals all wounds or it will get easier as time passes but none of that is true. It has been close to four years and nothing in her heart has felt lessened by the years that past by without him. Sometimes when she is asleep at night she swears she can feel his arms wrapped around her or his warm breath against the back of her neck. It never scared her or even startled her. It just left her with a calm that he is there with her always. She is sure many people would think she has lost it. But she honestly doesn’t care. It has gotten her through the hard times of feeling alone.

“Mom” Natalie realized she was lost in thought. Smiling down at Lindsey “that’s all we want” looking back up Natalie tells the saleswoman. The saleswoman reached inside the counter and pulled something out for Lindsey, “Here honey you can have a cookie on the house.” The woman hands the little girl a chocolate chip cookie. “Thank you! Mom this is my second favorite cookie.” Lindsey takes it with a great big grin. Natalie pays and they start for the door. She has her attention on Lindsey. “You better eat your dinner young lady” Natalie teases with a half smile. “Oh, I will I promise.” Lindsey looks up at her mom with a teethe grin.

There was an uneasy caution about the day. As though life was about to throw him a curve-ball he should be ready to recognize coming. A sense of change could be felt as he shuddered from a chill he felt roll over him. It was in the air and the way the sun brightened his path as he walked across the busy street as though it were one step ahead, making a way for him to follow. There was a skip in his step as he approached the local bakery, Cookies and Smores. The door swung open almost knocking him backward and very close to smacking him in the face.

“Oh my, I am so sorry.” The young woman cringes embarrassed by the almost mishap, her little girl giggling. “Mommy, you almost knocked that man over.” “I know dear.” The attractive woman forced a smile as the stranger moved aside holding the door for them. “It’s okay we all get distracted at times.” “Sorry” were her last words as she again smiled and gently pulled her daughter by the hand.

Paul Dawson stood still holding the door open as though in a stupor watching as the mother and daughter walked away down the sidewalk. He was brought back to the present rather abruptly by the woman behind the counter. “Excuse me Paul, but can you please shut the door.” There was a grin on the saleswoman’s face. “You are letting all the flies in. They will have a feast with my baked goods.”

“Sorry Ellen, I was just.”

“Yeah . . . I saw. Does she belong to your congregation?”

He looked back toward the door. “No, just someone that almost knocked me over.” They both laughed.

“You look tired today Ellen. Have you been busy?”

He always noticed those kinds of things Ellen thought as she brushed her graying hair out of her eyes. It was pulled back but a few strangles kept falling into her face. “Yeah, it’s been busy. No one wants to bake in the summer months so we do get busy.” Paul smiled. The woman didn’t show her age other than some graying strands of hair. There were no deep creases above her mouth. No obvious wrinkles around her eyes just soft lines here and there. He imagined she must have been attractive at an earlier time in her life.

“So what can I do for you, Pastor?” He was studying all the baked goods behind the glass case. “Sorry, we are pretty short by this time of the day.”

Looking up he smiled. “Well, just give me a few sugar donuts.” Looking over the case and back behind her “And some thumbprints I am sure you have hidden for me back there somewhere.”

A wide grin crosses her lips. “How did you know?”

“I know I am your favorite customer.” She pulls a bag out and set it on top of the glass counter then put several donuts into a separate bag. “Is that all?” Scanning the case one more time he confirmed that was all he wanted. “Well gotta get home” he paid her grabbed the bags said his goodbye and left.

The encounter at the bakery stayed with him all the rest of the week. The woman was extremely attractive. He wondered if she were married then realizes that was not appropriate for him to be thinking as a minister. The week drug by as the woman kept popping up in his head. He had met many women over the five years he Pastored Saving Grace Assembly. But none ever struck him or caught his eye like the woman at the bakery. He decided to push all thoughts of her out of his mind and do the work he was called to do.

The weekend was approaching and he hadn’t even begun his sermon. The day was seasonably hot and muggy. Summers always were like that here in Pennsylvania. He placed his motorcycle helmet on his head making sure it was secure. There would be one last stop before heading to his small home. The main road was very busy this time of day so he turned onto a side street. The ride home usually took him about fifteen minutes but today it would surely take him longer going along this route. Beautiful homes lined the street. There was always that place inside of him that wished he could own a home like one of these. At the stop sign, he leaned on one foot waiting for traffic to clear before turning back toward the main street of town.

This was a tranquil neighborhood. Children were playing, lawnmowers humming, and the smell of freshly cut grass filled the air. He looked right then left then right again and froze. The woman from the bakery was outside of a home not far down to his right. He could see she was laughing at her little girl riding her bike in the driveway. Maybe he should ride down that way and strike up a conversation or something. A loud beeping horn behind him made him jump. He pulled out heading home. It wasn’t until he unlocked his front door that he remembered he was supposed to stop at the store for something for dinner. The refrigerator was bare and so were the cupboards. He was famished. Not even enough bread to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He winced. Pizza, that is what I will get. It is fast and I won’t even have to do the cooking. The thought made his mouth water. The pizza joint was a block away and there was no sense in taking his bike.

The walk was pleasant. It was early evening and the air cooled a bit. He strutted his way down the tree lined sidewalk enjoying the scenery and taking in the world around him. There were many hellos from those he passed along the walk. Many knew him as Pastor Paul. You become well-known when you pastor a church. As he approached the Pizza shop Mama Mia’s Pizzeria his mind was going over what he would like to eat. “Pastor Paul” The voice calling out his name sounded familiar. Looking around he didn’t see anyone. Again “Pastor”. Searching up and down the sidewalk again, then a smile crossed his face. He could see Abby across the street waving as she waited for traffic to clear to cross.

Abby was a member of his church. She was carrying a child. Traffic slowed and she hurried over. “Fancy meeting you here,” she set the little boy down to walk. Together they all walked into the pizza shop.

“Well, you know Pizza is the go-to food when nothing else is available.” Paul replied.

“I know what you mean. I just got home from a meeting, and voila nothing for dinner. I figured Allen wouldn’t mind pizza. I know this little guy loves it,” motioning with her head toward her little boy.

“So who is this cute little guy?” Paul messes his blond hair. He was tightly hugging his mother’s leg.

“Oh, that’s right. You two haven't been formally introduced. Paul this is my son Nathan. Nathan this is Pastor Paul.” Shyly the small boy looked up at the stranger. “I am sorry he is three and a little shy around people he is unfamiliar with.” “That’s expected.” Paul motioned for Abby to go ahead of him to order. She gave the cashier her name and they brought out her order. After paying she appeared to struggle with the pizza, bag of food, and her son.

“Do you need some help there Abby?” She was trying to juggle everything at the same time holding on to Nathan who was trying to get away.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind”

“Just give me one second to place my order.” Paul quickly placed his order, and then took the pizza and bag of food.

“Whew, thanks.” She corralled her son taking his hand and they walked toward the door. Paul followed behind her as they headed out of the shop and across the street to her car. When they reached her car he handed the food to Abby then helped put Nathan in the car buckling him into his seat. Abby went around to the driver’s side, put the pizza and bag on the back seat, and got in opening the passenger side window. Paul peaked his head in. “I hope to see you at services Sunday.”

Smiling she answered, “I will be there, and thanks so much for the help.” Paul stood back as she pulled away. He watched a while as her car disappeared then remembered he had a pizza to get.

On his walk back to his place the thought of that woman kept creeping into his head. He felt ashamed because she must be married, she has a child. Then he began thinking about Abby. She seems as though she is doing well after everything she had gone through the past year with the murder and all. It is hard to believe she was beaten and sexually assaulted then tried committing suicide. She just wanted some peace and release from such a traumatic experience. She decided to resolve her nightmares and anxiety by telling her attacker she forgives him. Unfortunately right after she talks to him he is murdered. All eyes were on her, luckily her husband a police detective found the real murderer.

A car pulls up alongside him. “Paul, you need a ride?” He walks over to the car leaning his head in. “What are you doing around here Ted?” “Just going down to the church to meet a few people, we are going to carpool to the concert.” “What concert?” “I thought you knew.” With a deep sigh “Oh I totally forgot. Well,” feeling foolish Paul moves back away from the car. “Have a good time.” He stepped back up on the curb and Ted drove away. His head hasn’t been into what is going on around the church. It has been all over the place.

While he feels deeply about what he has committed himself to he feels as though it is time to be serious about a partner, someone to love and be loved by. The problem is he is not going to use the church to find a mate even though that is the best place to find one. The women there have the same faith level. He knows how important it is to be evenly yoked. That seems to be the biggest problem in marriages when two people love each other but love God differently or not at all. He has counseled many people in the church and that seems to be the wall they come up against.

Natalie sat on the stoop of her house watching Lindsey ride her bike around the driveway. She was having a good time going around and around in a circle. A loud car horn caught Natalie’s attention. She glanced down the street to where the sound was coming from. A man on a motorcycle was waiting at the stop sign a little too long. She saw him pull out and turn in the opposite direction of her house.

For some reason, she thought of the man from the bakery shop. He was rather intriguing. To her surprise, a red truck pulls up alongside the road in front of her house. At first, she did not recognize the vehicle. An African American man exited the truck and headed toward her house. He was lean and well-built. Suddenly Natalie recognized him, jumped up yelling “Casey” as she rushes toward him.

“My gosh! What are you doing here?” She was out of breath and almost jumping on him hugging him tightly.

“Wow didn’t know I would get such a welcome. Glad I stayed away so long.”

“How did you find me?”

“I have my ways.” They hugged for a while. Natalie didn’t realize how much she missed him and needed him.

“Come on” She grabbed him by his hand leading him to the house. “I want you to meet someone.”

“Lindsey” She called. “Come here.” The little girl with pigtails and a front tooth missing, laid her bike down in the middle of the driveway. She hadn’t noticed the man in the truck. Frowning she wondered who is that? “Lindsey”

“I’m coming mom.” She ran over to her mother and the man. Natalie knelt down and faced her. “Honey this is a very old and dear friend of mine. His name is Casey.” Lindsey looked up taking in the man her mother was speaking about. Natalie stood up. “Casey this is mine and Kevin’s daughter Lindsey.”

With a wave of his right hand over his head and a bow, “It’s so nice to meet a real princess.” Lindsey smiled broadly and curtseyed then put out her hand as all princesses’ do. “Nice to meet you, Prince Casey.” He took her hand and kissed it as any fairy-tale prince would. She giggled loudly and he laughed heartily.

“Boy, you are as beautiful as your mother.” Lindsey blushed at the compliment.

“Well, now that you two are acquainted let’s go in and have something to snack on.”

“I’ll race you” Casey dared the little girl. They both took off leaving Natalie shaking her head thinking, two children instead of one.

“So Casey, tell me what brought you to our little abode?” They were all sitting on stools along the kitchen island snacking on some cheese and crackers and drinking soft drinks.

Chewing he answers. “I just got back to the states after my tour with the ballet troupe and felt terrible I wasn’t here through all that happened to you.” He put his head down not wanting to look at her. There were tears in his eyes.

“It’s okay I understand. Really I do.” Lindsey was stuffing crackers into her mouth. “Lindsey, don’t eat crackers like that. You are going to choke yourself.”

“No, I won’t!”

Casey smiled at Natalie’s little girl. “You know she is a lot like you Natalie.”

“She is isn’t she?” Natalie smiled with pride. “But she has a lot of her dad’s ways too.”

“I am sure she does. I never got to meet Kevin.”

“I know, and I wish you had. You two would have really hit it off. He was a jokester too.” Natalie looked away so he couldn’t see her hurt. “How long will you be in town? I thought maybe we could go do the town one night.”

“Let me see I think I will be here for a couple of months. We have some performances in the city.” Her face lit up, “That will be great. I can’t wait. Honestly, I haven’t gone out much since. . .” she paused “since the accident.” Casey got up, stretching his long legs. She stood up too noticing how extremely tall he was. Looking up at him she asks. “You wanna come for dinner tomorrow night?”

With a smile, he replied, “girlfriend there ain’t no other place I would rather have dinner and with no other woman and of course.” Looking down at Lindsey “and no other little princess, but for now, I have to go. We have rehearsals tonight. . . Just wanted to let you know I was back and make sure you were doing okay.” They walked to the door with Lindsey holding his hand. He bent down looking at the little girl face to face. “Now you promise me you will take good care of your mommy. She loves you very much.” Lindsey nodded her head “I will I promise. Are you coming back tomorrow?” Grinning “Are you helping to cook dinner?” Nodding emphatically with eyes wide open. “Well, then how could I not come? I can’t wait to see what you two are making me to eat.” He stood up and gave Natalie a kiss on the cheek then kissed Lindsey on the top of the head. “I will see you tomorrow Nat and you too Princess Lindsey.” Lindsey curtseyed smiling. They both waved as he waved back walking down the sidewalk to his truck. In the doorway, they watched him pull away and out of site.

That night while Natalie lay in bed alone, she thought back to everything about her life. How she lost so much but gained just as much back with Lindsey. Then her mind raced back to the day at the bakery, to the man she almost knocked over with the door. He had an attractive quality about him. Maybe it was his scruffy five o’clock shadow. Or the way he seemed so confident. There was this aura about him she couldn’t put her finger on. He really wasn’t her type. Although lately, she wasn’t sure she had a type. Not after being with the man who had everything she ever wanted. But this man piqued her interest. It was unusual for her to find any man interesting since Kevin. Her life has been devoted solely to Lindsey, but as of late she has been lonely, yearning for intimacy. Not intimacy in a physical way but more in an emotional way. Yet this man, this man of mystery seems to be drawing her to him. And then there was the question, was he also drawn to me? How opposite to Kevin he was. Kevin was of average build, maybe more on the muscular side probably because he worked out. This man looked thin and rather tall. His hair dark, cut short, but yet not tight to his head. He had a slight dark shadow of a beard. As far as his face she had a quick look. He appeared attractive, that she did remember. But to say what he looked like if someone would ask, she couldn’t. As Natalie lay there alone in her queen size bed meditating on the emptiness, the feeling of aloneness overwhelming her, she begins to cry. It was a silent cry only her four walls could hear. Finally, she drifts off to sleep with the dampness of her tears staining her pillow.

The sun had just peeked in from the small opening in her curtain waking Natalie. Not long after, Lindsey came running through her doorway. “Mom” the whisper came. “Are you awake?” The blanket was pulled back and Lindsey slid in beside her mother as she has done every morning since she was able. She tucked the blankets back up around them. Her mother wrapped her arms around her little girl pulling her close. “I am up and you need to start getting ready for camp soon.”

“I know but I just like doing this every morning.” Snuggling up close she kisses her mother on the cheek. “I love you, mommy.”

“I love you too baby.” They lay there for a little while before Natalie gets up and declares “time to make the donuts.”

“Mom you’re so silly. But I wish I could make the donuts. I love donuts.” Her mother just laughs. “Come on Lindsey, it’s time to get moving.”

The shower was rejuvenating making her feel fresh and alive. Natalie quickly got herself ready for the day ahead. Lindsey was attending a day camp at the local Y. Natalie decided this would be good for her since she starts kindergarten the coming fall. The few hours away will prepare Lindsey for being away from her during the day. Although her friend Mary Ann did tell her there was an opening for a fourth-grade teacher at the school she taught in before the accident. The idea of teaching just didn’t have the appeal that it once did. There was an art museum not far from the housing plan they lived in and she considered applying for a job there. It would be starting anew. She desperately needed new.

As Natalie was considering what she should do in this next part of her life, Lindsey storms in, still in her pajamas. “What, you have not gotten yourself washed up and dressed yet.”

“I don’t know what to wear.”

“Come on young lady, follow me,” leading her back to her bedroom. There were clothes strewn about the room. On the bed, the floor, dresser, there was not one spot that was clear of clothes. Stomping her foot Lindsey explains, “Mom, I tried on everything and I just can’t decide what I want to wear.”

“A true female” her mother declared as she snatched up the clothes putting them in a pile. “Here,” Natalie handed her a pair of navy blue shorts and a cute aqua tank top that said I am really a mermaid with a mermaid print on it. “This should work. It is your favorite tank!” Her daughter grabbed the clothes and smiled broadly. “You know Lindsey, you should always wear something you feel comfortable in when you are going somewhere you are nervous about.”

“I do feel comfy in this top, and you know why Mom?”

Natalie was folding the clothes on the bed and stacking them neatly. “No why baby?”

Whispering, “Because I am a mermaid.” She put her pointy finger up to her lips. “Shhh, don’t tell anyone mommy”

Natalie wanted to laugh out loud but held it in because she knew Lindsey really believed she was a mermaid. Whispering back “I will never tell our family secret.” Natalie put her hand up by her mouth, she made the motion of locking her mouth with a key, then throwing the key away. “Now hurry and get dressed. We don’t want to be late the first day.”

In the car at the Y Natalie had to pinky promise Lindsey she would be back on time before Lindsey would get out of the car. They walked together into the building hand in hand. Once the children were separated into age groups the parents watched as they lined up behind the instructor. At first Natalie wasn’t sure about leaving Lindsey here alone without her. But watching her little girl now with the other kids her age she knew she would be fine. As Natalie walked out she placed her sunglasses on and called Casey. The phone rang more than several times but right before she started to hang up he answered. “Hello Casey here”

“Casey it’s Nat I was wondering if you would like to have breakfast with me. I am in town and alone. I just dropped Lindsey off at day camp.” She could hear him yawn and a voice in the background.

“Uhm, sure just let me get a shower and dressed. Where did you want to meet me?”

“There is a quaint little diner-type restaurant on the main street. It is Street Eats. The food's good and it’s cheap.”

“Sounds like my kind of eatery. See you in about half an hour.” They hung up.

Natalie decided to walk around the main shopping district. There was a flower shop, a Hallmark store, drug store, and a bank, and just the usual town shops. Next to the restaurant there is an antique shop. That is what interested her the most. All the history and mystery of finding old antiques just aroused her curiosity. It was like a treasure hunt. She made her way through the store, from one room into another, suddenly it occurred to her she is supposed to be meeting Casey. Checking her phone she realizes she is not too late. Turning around she rushes back through the rooms only to run into the mysterious bakery man. He was standing in her way and she wouldn’t have even known it was him if she didn’t have to say excuse me to get past him. He turned and recognized her immediately.

“Why it’s you again?”

She wrinkled her nose at the comment not knowing what he meant. “It is me. For some reason, you always seemed to be in my way.”

“Oh, I am sorry, didn’t realize this was Your way. I mean I thought anyone could be in this way.”

She frowned. “I would really like to chit chat but huh, I am meeting someone and I don’t want to be late.” He moved aside waving for her to go past him. “Don’t let me hold you up.” She smiled her most gracious smile passing him. He hollered at her “Nice to see you again whoever you are.” She did a quick look back then hurried out of the store and into the restaurant.

Casey was already seated at a booth in the back. She hurried past the front register, past the people eating at the counter, and quickly sat down. He could see she was flustered. “Are you okay?”

She took a deep breath, “of course I am, why?”

“Do you really want me to tell you, I mean it is evident that something.” He turned his head tilting it a bit, “someone” She cut him off, “There is no something and especially no someone just an annoyance.” The waitress came and put a halt to the conversation for now. “Can I get you a coffee or tea before you order?”

“I will have a coffee black and if I am right she will have a mocha latte with skim milk.” Natalie smiled an approval at the waitress. “Let me know when you are ready to order.” She left them to go back to their discussion.

“So who or what, but I am thinking it is more a who is this annoyance.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t understand.” She took the menu and put it up in front of her face. It was obvious she didn’t want to talk about it right now. So he too looked over the menu. The waitress came back with their drinks and took their order. After she left Casey looked over at Natalie who appeared uncomfortable since she could no longer hide behind the menu. “Come on girl. You know you can tell me anything. You always have.” A glance down at her lap, then back up at him with such gloominess in her eyes it made his heart hurt. “What is it, Nat?”

“This is rather strange but I almost ran into this man at the bakery. And . . . . I was . . . attracted.” She looked up with tears in her eyes.

“Natalie you are not cheating on Kevin. My gosh, he loved you. And I am sure he does not want you to be alone for the rest of your life.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She took a napkin from the holder and wiped her face dry. “I know, I do, but it’s so hard. And I ran into that guy just before I got here. It is so weird how we keep running into each other. The oddest thing is that it is exactly how I meant Kevin.” This time she began to sob.

“That’s it. We are not talking about this now!!”

In the middle of crying, she started to laugh. “Sorry, I have just been so emotional lately.”

“I can see that.” The waitress brought their breakfast. “I am famished.” Casey had already begun to stuff his mouth.”

“Nothing changes with you.” She paused to think, “Well, you kind of have changed a bit.” He stopped eating and looked up at her. “I have, how?”

“Well you talk a little better, none of that girlfriend stuff like before. And you haven’t bragged about any conquest.”

A smile spread across his face. “A person has to grow up sometime don’t he.” He continued. “Well, lady you have changed also. But that was to be expected after all you have been through.” Her eyes were smiling with her mouth but inside of them was pain. “I have.” She admitted. “I have Lindsey to think about now. It is really hard doing this parenting thing alone.” He nodded, “I bet.” “And you know sometimes at night I think maybe when I wake up tomorrow this whole ordeal is just a nightmare and Kevin will be laying next to me in bed. Of course, that can never happen but what can I say.” Casey reaches over and covers her hand with his. “I am here now.”

“So tell me who was that I heard when I called you this morning?” Natalie was staring directly at him.

“Actually, it was just a friend. We rehearsed pretty late last night and my place is closer to the studio. He just stayed.”

“Really?”

“Yeah really, I haven’t had time for anything, not even a relationship.”

“Awe poor you.” She pouted shaking her head. They both finished their breakfasts.

“Well, I have rehearsal again. Practice makes perfect. What are you doing today.”

“I am going to visit with my sister. She had a baby and I love being an aunt.”

“Whoa, Shelly had a baby. That ought to be interesting.” he snickered.

“Oh, she is interesting. But her baby is an adorable little guy.” The waitress brought the check.

Together they walked down the sidewalk. “Where did you park?”

“I didn’t drive Nat, My place is not far.”

“Oh, well here I am” as she stopped by her black SUV. They hugged. She began to go around to the driver’s side of the car then stopped. “Now remember dinner at 6, my place.” He smiled. “How could I forget about a home-cooked meal? It will be home-cooked right you’re not ordering out and trying to fool me.” She ignored his comment, got into her car, waved a final wave, and pulled out.

It was around eleven when she reached her sister’s house. The house was nestled on a large piece of property surrounded by trees. Natalie followed the long driveway up to the house. “Wow” was all she could muster looking up at the house and its elegance. It amazes her every time she visits her.

Before she could even ring the doorbell Shelly burst open the door. “What are you doing waiting out there? Get in here. And for God’s sake, don’t make any noise, Payton is asleep. I finally got him to fall asleep.” Natalie at first stood back looking at the sight of her younger sister, hair a mess, and what she was wearing almost made Natalie break into laughter. But she didn’t. “Come on” her sister commanded. Inside the house was immaculate. At least the entry and what Natalie could see.

“So how are you doing?” Natalie was almost afraid to ask by the look on Shelly’s face. Shelly went over to Natalie, wrapping her arms around her, put her head on her shoulder.

“You are the most amazing woman ever because I am terrible at this mom thing.”

Natalie took her by her shoulders and gently pushed her away still holding her shoulders she looked directly into her sister’s eyes. “Shelly having a baby taking care of a baby it’s hard work. You just didn’t see me looking as you do right now. That’s all. I had my breakdowns it wasn’t pretty.”

Stepping back away from Natalie, “Oh thank God! I just feel so damn incompetent.” Shelly led her to the kitchen. That is where the mess began. “Oh my, what have we here?”

“I know, this is what I mean.”

“What about your other half? Can’t he chip in and help.”

Shelly plopped down on a stool. “He could if he didn’t have to fly here and there for work.”

Natalie sat down on the stool next to her. “So hire someone. If you can afford this house,” Natalie said looking around. “Then you can afford a nanny and I would also consider a cleaning lady. Maybe a few days a week just until you get yourself organized.”

“Yeah, I need something. Payton is such a good baby, really he is. It’s me, I didn’t expect it to be like this.”

“Well, I can try to help some until school starts for Lindsey. But you need to start shopping around for a nanny and cleaning person yesterday if you know what I mean. You can afford both I am sure.”

Natalie spent the next few hours letting Shelly rest while she straightened out her house a bit. She put all the dishes in the dishwasher, then turned it on, swept the floors, washed the bottles then put them on the tray to dry. She took a roast out of her freezer and put it and vegetables into a Crockpot. Just as she was about to wake Shelly Payton started crying. So she went into the nursery and for a moment stared down at him. When he saw her he stopped crying and just stared. The site of him brought back memories of Lindsey as a baby. That is when it hit her that she would really like to have another baby. But how could she, she is not even interested in having a relationship let alone getting married. “Natalie isn’t he beautiful” Shelly quietly came up behind her.

“He sure is little sister. You did good!”

“You want to pick him up?”

Natalie turned and looked at Shelly, “can I?”

Shelly went to the crib and picked the baby up handing him to Natalie. “You can hold him while I make his bottle. I won’t be long, and if you wouldn’t mind changing him I would sure appreciate it.”

“Go ahead and get his bottle. I will change him for you.” Shelly left the room to go down to the kitchen. Natalie took the baby over to the changing table. “Well, little guy it’s been a while since I changed a diaper. And to be honest I have never changed a little guy's diaper so bear with me.” When she was done she sat down with him on the rocker next to the crib and enjoyed the innocence and pure joy it was to hold a baby again.

When Shelly came back with the baby’s bottle Natalie was gently rocking him. “Do you want to feed him?”

Natalie stood up, “As much as I would love to stay here and feed Payton I have to pick up Lindsey. Sit down and I will hand him to you.” Shelly placed her cell phone beside her on the rocker. Taking the baby she began feeding him. It was such a sight for Natalie. She never believed her sister would ever settle down enough to have a baby.

“Lindsey and I are having company for dinner. Casey is in town.” Surprise registered on Shelly’s face. “Really, well that is great. Maybe now you can relax and enjoy life a little. He always had a way of making everything fun and exciting.”

“Well, he is a little more grown up now but still deep down inside I think he is pretty much the same. That wild and crazy gay guy.” She laughed. “I love him like a brother you know.”

“I know you do.”

“Well, I have to go. I pinky promised Lindsey I would be right on time.” A quick kiss on her baby sister’s cheek, and a kiss on the baby’s forehead Natalie let herself out.

She arrived at the Y as the kids were just being excused to their parents. When Lindsey saw her mother she ran to her screaming with excitement. “Mom” All the way home Lindsey could not stop talking about her day and the adventure walk they went on in the woods. By the time they reached home Natalie was exhausted from the continuous talking. “Honey, Casey is coming over to eat dinner I need you to help me in the kitchen.” Together they fixed dinner. It was one of their favorite things to do together. Finally, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it, mommy.”

“Did you set the table?”

“I will” racing to open the door. Lindsey grabbed Casey by the hand “come in Casey. You can help me set the table.”

“Lindsey, you don’t invite a guest to dinner then ask them to help with the table.” She walked over to her friend and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Would you like a glass of wine with dinner or before dinner?”

“Wine, that sounds good. I can pour us both a glass. Just tell me where the wine and glasses are.” Casey followed her into the kitchen. Pointing toward the counter “the wine is over there and the glasses are in the dining room on the shelf above the buffet and please pour me a glass ASAP.” Laughing he poured them both a glass. Natalie almost drank the whole glass straight down. “It’s been a long day.” Casey looked at her with concern.

“I set the table mommy.”

“It looks beautiful.” Natalie complimented with a raised eyebrow. The silverware was on the plates with the napkins covering them. Finally, all the food was in its place on the table. “Let’s all sit down.” There were two settings along the side and one at the end of the table. Natalie walked toward the side and Lindsey abruptly stopped her. “No mom, that’s for me and Casey. You sit on the end like you always do.” “Oh, uhm okay.”

Dinner was pleasant. Lindsey told story after story about her day. Casey sat listening attentively smiling at Natalie giving her a wink. “It sounds like you had one heck of a day at camp.”

“I did!!” she yawned.

“Lindsey why don’t you go up and get changed into your PJs while we clear the table for dessert.”

“Goody, dessert.” Up the stairs she ran, singing songs about eating dessert.

“That girl is a true delight. You should be proud.” They were both carrying dishes into the kitchen.

“I am.” Natalie stops suddenly holding a serving plate and turns to Casey who is filling the dishwasher. “I just wish Kevin could have been here to see her grow up.”

“I know but not to sound, well, rude but you have to move on. You’re a young beautiful vibrant sexy woman. Don’t waste that. There is still life to live.” As he was placing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher he continued. “And that sweet little girl deserves more than a memory of a father.” When he looked up from what he was doing he saw the look in Natalie’s eyes. With one motion he was holding her in his arms. “I am so sorry Natalie. I just can’t watch you waste yourself in your past. You are my bestie. I love you.” A quiet sob came from her until she heard Lindsey coming down the steps. A step back away from Casey she wiped her eyes and straightened herself out before her daughter saw her crying.

“Mom, what’s for dessert?” The tears in her mother’s eyes were still evident even to a child. “What’s the matter?” Clearing her throat, “nothing I am just so happy Casey is here that’s all. And guess what we are having ice cream sundaes. I bought topping, lots of topping for you to pick from.”

“Yay, ice cream sundaes with loads of toppings.” The little girl was doing a dance celebrating. Casey joined in. Natalie stood back and enjoyed their fun. It was a good night for all of them.

They all sat in the living room. Lindsey was sprawled out on the couch with her head on her mother’s lap. Casey sat on the recliner with his feet up. “Boy was she tired.”

“I know and she is so hard to get to bed. I can’t carry her anymore.” Sliding the lever down on the recliner to put his feet back on the floor, “I can carry her up if you want.”

“Sure I want” laughing.

The chore of carrying a little 5-year-old girl up steps was not as easy a task as Casey thought. She was dead weight. In her room, Natalie had already pulled her blankets down. As gently as possible he laid her down tucking the blanket around her little body. A light kiss on the cheek caused her to stir but not wake. Natalie smiled down at her baby girl sleeping so peacefully then bent over kissing her on the forehead whispering in her ear “Goodnight Lindsey, love you.” She swears she saw her smile in her sleep. A quick click of the lamp by her bed the room went dark except for the nightlight across the room. Both she and Casey quietly left her room shutting the door softly behind them.

“I think it is time for me to go”

“Ah already?”

“You know how tiresome doing a show is and I have to get up early tomorrow for rehearsals.” Frowning Natalie walked him to the door. “I will call you and we will do a night out. I promise.”

“You better because I need one. You know, it has been quite a while since you and I went out.”

He grinned. “That was before you got domesticated.” They hugged before he left. It had gotten dark out and the lights came on as he walked down the sidewalk to his truck. She waved from the doorway he stopped by his truck and waved back before getting in.

Once inside all Natalie could do was sigh. She thought over what Casey had said. It did hurt her but she knew deep down inside herself he was right about everything, right that she needs to move on, right that Lindsey deserved a father that is alive and here, right that Kevin would want her to live her life. But knowing he is right doesn’t change what she feels. All these thoughts crawling around in her head were making her heartbreak. If her cell phone didn’t ring she would still be pondering the pain she can’t make go away. A glance at her phone before answering told her it was Shelly. “Hey, what’s up?” “I did it. I found a nanny and a cleaning lady.”

“Did you check their credentials?”

“Of course but . . . . it’s mom so I really didn’t need to check anything.”

“I can’t believe you snookered our mother into being your nanny.”

“I didn’t honest. She is helping temporarily until I find a legit nanny. Nat, I need help now. I was telling her what I was going to do and she offered to do it just till I find someone.”

Taking a deep breath at the thought of her mother babysitting for her helpless sister irritated the crap out of her. “Okay, Shelly but I, Me am giving you no longer than two weeks to find someone. You are not going to take advantage of our good-hearted mom.”

“I know Nat you’re right. I have the money I just don’t know how to go about interviewing and honestly trusting someone with my baby.”

“Shelly seriously, you are going to be there in the house the nanny is simply helping you.”

“Oh yeah didn’t think about that. But anyway I was calling to see if you would help me interview Nannies.”

“Well make some appointments and give me a call. Mom can help too if I can’t make it.”

“Okay, I will look into agencies tomorrow and I will definitely call you. Well, I am tired so talk to you tomorrow. Love ya sis.” “Love you too night,” With that, they both hung up.

The next morning went smoother getting her little rug rat to camp at the Y. Lindsey dressed herself and was ready before Natalie even got out of the shower. She dropped her off again with the pinky swear. As she started to pull out of the Y parking lot she noticed a woman who looked familiar walking toward the entrance with a little boy. She knew this woman and the thought, what is her name, kept rolling through her mind. Finally, it struck her. That was Sondra the author. Her little boy is Lindsey’s age. They were born on the same day. What a small world. Driving slowly toward them she stopped lowered her window and called out. “Sondra” The woman heard her and turned. At first, she too didn’t recognize the person calling out to her. “It’s Natalie Madison. Your son and my daughter were born on the same day.”

Smiling, “Oh that is right. Nice to see you, is your daughter here at the Y too?”

“Yes, she is.”

“Well I have to get little Eliot inside maybe we can talk another time.” “That would be nice.” The woman and her son hurried into the building. Natalie pulled away.

With nothing to do Natalie decided to go down to the bakery shop and pick up a little surprise for Lindsey. It wasn’t far from the Y. She slid her car into the parking space. It was early and the shop was not very busy. A bell rang as she entered. “Good morning, can I help you?” She surveyed the baked goods and placed her order.

“So do you live around here?” the saleswoman asks making conversation.

“I do. I just dropped my daughter off at the Y for day camp.”

“Oh, I remember when my son went there. He loved it.” She put the baked goods into a bag and set it on the top of the counter. “Is that all?”

“I think it better be.” She laughed. Natalie desperately wanted to ask if she knew the man that she almost knocked over but was afraid to. That will be $5.95 they exchanged money and Natalie left.

The walk through town helped her clear her head. She now made it her mission to find this man of mystery although he was a little arrogant. But it was something she had to do to see if there was anything there. Again this feels like the same circumstances that led her to Kevin. A feeling of déjà vu covered her. The day was spent shopping and at the library researching Art. If she wants to apply at the Museum she has to touch up on Art history and Artists. Although it was just reviewing things she already knew.

She went to the desk at the library and placed several books down. “You know you can take a book out over at the computer station. You don’t have to have me do it.”

“I am not registered at this library.”

“I can do that for you.” She handed her a registration form to fill out. “I just need to see a form of ID.” Natalie handed her license to the young girl behind the counter. She copied it and handed it back to her. “There you go” Handing her a library card.

“Wow that was quick.”

“It really doesn’t take long.” The librarian processed her books.

“You have three weeks to bring them back or if you want you can renew them as long as it is before the 3 weeks are up.”

“Thank you” On her way out she notices the man of mystery sitting alone at a table engrossed in writing something. For a moment she stopped and just stared. He looked up and caught her looking. She quickly looked down pretending she was looking for something in her purse. She hadn’t noticed him get up. When she did look up he was gone. “Excuse me”

Startled she fumbled her books almost throwing them up in the air. All three books fell to the floor. She could hear him laughing and felt her face grow warm. “What is wrong with you?” she barked at him under her breath as she bent down to pick up the books. Pulling her up by her arm “I will get them.” He picked them up and handed them to her. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Well, you did.” “Maybe I should introduce myself, I am Paul Dawson.” He put out his hand. Her hands where full, so she tucked the books under her arm and put her hand out. “I am Natalie Madison.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you. I was beginning to think of you as some kind of Phantom always showing up then suddenly gone.”

He had a friendly smile. She also noticed how good looking he was. “I could say the same about you. I saw you working back there at the table. I don’t want to keep you from anything.”

“Oh, you’re not keeping me from anything at all... Do you live around this part of town?”

Apprehension caught her in the throat and she couldn’t answer at first. “I don’t really know you and” a pause “I am not sure if that is an appropriate question since as I said I don’t know you.”

He was studying her as she squirmed about not answering him. “I understand. I will tell you what. You want to go have a coffee? Then we can get to know each other a little.” Without answering she nodded.

After going back to the table and picking up his paperwork they walked out together. This is the first time since Kevin she has been with another man other than Casey and it felt odd.

“So I remember you have a little girl. I bet your husband is proud because she is a beauty.” Natalie wanted to tell him her husband was no longer living but really didn't trust this stranger yet. So she didn’t say anything. “Are you always this quiet?” He stopped, looking down at her. Looking up at him she smiled. They went into Street Eats and the waitress led them to a table. Natalie sat down placing her purse and books on the chair next to her. “Oh, I remember you. You were in here the other morning”

“Yeah that was me.”

“Well, can I get you anything to drink before you order?”

“I will have a mocha latte with skim milk.”

She turned to Paul “and you?”

“A sweet tea will be fine. Do you have any apple pie?”

“We sure do.”

“I’ll have a piece of that. Would you like a piece too?”

“No thanks.” The waitress left.

“So mysterious lady, tell me about yourself.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Now you’re just avoiding my question with a question to answer a question technique.” He was appealing with his 5 o’clock shadow of a beard, strong narrow nose, and sexy blue eyes. She couldn’t help but stare.

“Are you going to say anything?”

“Oh, I’m sorry I was sorta daydreaming.”

“I could tell because you were staring right at me. It was a little spooky.” She laughed an uncomfortable laugh. “What were you doing at the library?”

“I was taking out a few books on art. I am thinking of applying for a job at the Museum.”

“The one in Overton?”

“Yes, that one.” The waitress brought their drinks and Paul’s pie. “Will that be all for now?” Both of them nodded. The woman left. It did not take him long to devour the pie. Wiping his mouth with his napkin he declared, “Boy, they make the best pies here.” Again just a smile from her. “How can we possibly get to know each other if all you do is smile a lot?”

“I am not a talkative person.”

“Tell me about it. At least tell me about the art job.”

“I have my Masters in Art and um I worked as a teacher for about five years I got married and then I had my daughter and wanted to stay at home with her.”

So she is married he thought, but then again maybe divorced. “So you have a Masters’ in art and a teaching degree.”

“Correct”

“Wow you must be one of those type A personalities.”

She laughed out loud. “Not really, I like art and I love kids. So I went to school for both.”

“Why didn’t you just get a degree as an art teacher?”

“I like the history of Art as well as studying the artist's life.”

Paul looked at his watch. “I am really sorry, but I have to go. I have an important appointment at one.”

“I have to get going as well.”

“This was fun.” He waved to the waitress to bring their check. Once she brought it over Natalie started to hand Paul a few dollars for her latte.

“I got this.” Paul waved off her money. She frowned. “It’s just a latte.”

Together they walked to the register. “Look it is important for me to know if you are married or not.” Surprised at the straightforwardness of his statement she almost choked. “Are you okay?”

Clearing her throat and with a raspy voice she answered. “I really . . . I mean . . . I am. . . . well I was. My husband . . . he passed away 4 years ago.” The words were almost a whisper. There she said it and just the sound of what she said was killing her inside. The color from his face drained and embarrassment set in.

Silence settled between them as they walked out into the afternoon sunshine. A glance up at the sky, he was sorry he pressured her. There was such beauty up there with those puffy marshmallow clouds, blue sky, and bright sun. The artistry of God always took his breath away. “Maybe we will run into each other again sometime.” he commented still looking up at the sky.

“Maybe” Staring up at him then turned to go back to where she parked her car, “thanks for the latte.” “You’re welcome.” She started walking away when he called out to her. “Would you like to go to dinner . . . as friends? No pressure.” The question stopped her, turning around, “I think I would like that, dinner with a friend.” He grinned. “Then you can tell me a little about you.” There was teasing in her voice. “How can I get in touch with you?” Opening her purse she took out a piece of paper and quickly wrote down her number. He was next to her by now. “Here just don’t call me after eight. I have a rule about phone calls at night. My daughter goes to bed around that time and I don’t like interruptions to her sleep.” “Sounds fine. I will call you during the day.” They parted ways but both were thinking about the other.