FINDING ME

PRECIOUS KEEPERS

My beautiful young and extremely attractive soul hatched out of my soul and started to fly and wander in my dreams and fantasies of the living world. There came a noisy but beautiful, (Thank GODD she does not have a hoarse voice like me) voice hurdling me and breaking me from further thinking, my beautiful daughter called me “ Mommy” “ Mammammya, where are you find me” again me finding her!! My three year old daughter Emara. Her Mischievously beautiful brown eyes like me and glowingly white skin like her father. Black brownish but silky hair. Always wearing beautiful but innocent smile on her face reaching her eyes. Speaking mostly a gibberish language, solely invented by her. Now she speaks more than her age, still sometimes she chose to speak her invented gibberish language, just to irritate me. Being a mom , at times I do not understand a word she speaks of her invented language ( As people say a mom should understand what her child says, how on this Earth, even that is possible, even MOM’S ARE HUMAN BEING FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!) But being always under mom pressure, I choose to remind myself that I should encourage her to speak properly, which I do. She is good at her height, I guess genes adopted form her Daddy. As my daughter chose to hide in places which she knows that I know, still she hides in those places, and make me find her. It was a sunny Monday afternoon, a very pleasant atmosphere, a warm breeze flowing through. It was 1. 45 pm, still Emara was playing with her friends now, (thank God Such A relief J!!!) from her playgroup, and not ready to leave for home. I was tired and hungry and was trying hard to convince her to come home, but all in vain.

Some body called me from my behind, Christians’ mother, my daughter’s playgroup friend. He is a new admission. Christian is extremely cute with whitish complexion. Adorable dimples on both his cheeks and jet black eyes. Beautiful black but silky hair. He is of the same height as of my daughter and extremely playful. She introduced herself as AAAnna. I laughed to myself, why the hell she is stressing on ‘A’? Does she follow numerology?, astrology?, nameology? or some weird kind of ‘ology’. She was a medium stature, shoulder length hair tied hurriedly, round belly(that must be after pregnancy), wearing grey skirt and a beautiful yellow plain top with her unique flip flops. Though I disliked her, still her dimples on both her cheeks with an attractive smile does not go unnoticed. There I realized that Christian’s dimple matches her mom’s. Instant realization of mine, made me happy as I have made important discovery, just like Einstein like E=mc2 J. She scanned with her two wide X ray machine eyes from head to toe with an unnecessary smirk, as she was approving me of something (I felt as she is my mother- in- law, and without her approval I will not be able to marry her son J J).

Of course I did not like the way she looked at me, still very politely, I introduced myself as “Mrs Precious K, Emara’s mommy”. After our brief introduction, she asked me about the schools teachers and other rules as Christian is just two week old in the school. We spoke for a little while of the rules. I told her that they are good and parent satisfying. I told her the place is safe, staff and teachers are good. She was happy to hear about the safety, I understood her expression as she immediately relaxed her worried crease on her forehead. I understood as Mothers INCLUDING ME of course JUST KNOW TO WORRY UNNECESSARY.

Then again after all her interrogation, she still kept staring me. I was wearing my white soft shirt tucked properly in my blue faded jeans, wearing my beautiful pale creamy colored sandals with a lock around my ankles. My black long hair tied in a pony still touching my hips. Neatly wearing kajal highlighting my brown eyes with some lip-gloss. My ears were studded with my favorite beautiful diamond pinkish earrings. I gifted those earrings to myself on my promotion at my workplace. Her stare was making me very conscious, though I was properly attired. AAAnaaa still managed to give me a look ‘you know that, you are below than average’. Though I like christen, but Anna was really blowing me off. Out of nowhere, she asked about me, my house, family members, my work place etc etc….., with a full intention of taking my life history. I started to think now she is going to ask me about my DNA and parental genes too. AAAna gave me a feeling that she was going to establish my relation to HOMOSEPAINS. Her inquisitiveness rather growing obsession of me was scarring me. So, I clipped my answers too short with just ‘humm’ and ‘yeah’. Aaana made her approach more intense due to my short answers. Though Aaanaa was the only person talking, I was looking over Emara and her friends for safety reasons, as they were playing in the ground of their school. To avoid her interrogative questions, with her overflowing fake friendly gesture. I excused myself, approaching to Emara and took her by surprise from her behind. I hold her tightly in my arms, making way to my car.

Emara who almost tried to defeat me with her newly invented and sharply developed war skills to put her down and let her play. The three years Emara’s training made me stronger to handle such tantrums, false cries with no signal of tears and not applauding to an exuberant, stunning dramatic performance at any cost. After settling her in the car, she become quite. Emara was mad at me for not letting her play for some more time in the school.

When we reached home, i parked the car in the garage and came out to open the door for Emara. She already got from her seat, unbuckling the seatbelt and jumped out of the door within no time. She entered home without giving me a back glance. Emara was still in her character, showing her excellent acting skill to me, which I choose to ignore her. After few more minutes, I was successful in making her settle down. We quickly completed our lunch together. Emara’s eyes were heavy with sleep, as she gets up early in the morning. It was already 3 pm. Emara was fast asleep in her room. Emaras room was decorated by me, few months before her birth with Mrs Robinson. Emara’s room was a combination of baby pink and grey color. It was simple room with a rustic touch. It has a small bed in one corner covered with pinkish white sheets with matching pillow covers. The wall of her bed had many pictures frames of Emara, some were with me and Eddie, one with Mrs Robinson our housekeeper. A wooden grey coloured wardrobe with huge mirror attached covering the area elegantly. A wooden shoe stand near her door, were enhancing the simplicity of the room. Other corner of her room had 3 storage boxes for her soft toys, colouring books, colour pencils, crayons and another filled with alphabets and wooden toys. She also has a little book stand with numerous book stories; she loves to listen while sleeping in the night. Above her bed there is a huge window with beautiful curtains of baby pink colour covering with grey laces. The curtains were thin enough to allow beautiful rays of sun and moon light. Her floor was covering with pink fluffy carpet. The most interesting thing was her door with wooden carved name plate ‘EMARA’ in cursive writing. Emara was sound asleep on her bed, coiled like a sleeping cat. I quickly covered her with soft blanket with a picture of Mowgli and Bagheera. I left her room after giving a quick soft peck on her chubby cheeks, without disturbing her sleep.

The very first thing I decided to give myself a good look after putting Emara to bed. I consciously looked at myself from head to toe in the long mirror of the dressing table in my room. I was very conscious due to Aaana’s X ray scan and her unspoken comments directing at me.

I looked at my hair they are long black shining coming till my hips. I realized there are split ends and need a good haircut without decreasing its length. I love my hair, they are naturally long and beautiful. I noticed some grey strands on both my temples and crown chakra realizing my age. I wondered why on this Holy Earth, i have not paid attention to myself. My Belly was the most conscious part of my body, ‘Thanks to myself its flat’, it looks as if i was never pregnant. My inner mind reminded me, I should thank my late daddy, as he is the one who drove me to a good habit of daily exercise. I have this fetish like my dad for exercise, not missing a single day even after my pregnancy. I appreciated my belly by patting it with a huge 30 mm smile on my face saying ‘you look great buddy’. Then my eyes were drawn towards my long and slender legs; again thanks to my exercising skills but Eeeeewwwww my overtly tanned feet and hands need to be pedicured and manicured. It really was disappointed because I don’t like going to parlors, as I feel they consume your half-life. But then I convinced myself to take time out for myself. My face was clean and clear. To my surprise I have no wrinkles and do not look more than 25 years (NO KIDDING I LOOK YOUNG, I CAN GIVE ANY 25 YEAR OLD A TOUGH COMPETITION) though my actual age is 34 years. My eyes they are engulfed with dark circles. These dark circles are due to my habit of sleepless nights and unknown fear of accepting my insomnia. Still I would like to give some credit to Emara and my work. I do not sleep more than 5 hours daily, still my body never demands of more sleep. I declared long back to myself that I am an insomniac and nocturnal animal, without a doctor’s certificate J.

My sleepless nights are not new; they are with me since I was 11 year old. My mother left my Dad and me on my 11th birthday, for some old rich man. I know she never loved me as a mother. I liked her though. I was young enough to know that my parents’ marriage was in troubles, but never thought of worst. She left me when I was sleeping, and never bothered to contact me after that. During their fights I heard her saying many times to my father that she never wanted a child and it was my dad who wanted a child. I was an unwanted and unwelcome person in her life. After she left I remembered the day my dad, dead serious gathering all his courage to let me know that my mother has left two of us forever. His eyes were filled with tears, which he hided very well. I knew my dad loved her so much. That face of my dad made me decide one thing that I would never let those eyes fill with tears again. After that day I never asked about my mother ever. Internally I knew though I was longing for her to come back. My father was the one who always looked after me since I was a baby. I hardly remember any moments with my mother. My Dad Mr. James Edward Bill was an orphan. He was a good looking person. He has lean but good body due to his fetish for exercise, great height up to 6 feet. I use to reach his shoulders after wearing my high heelsJ. He was running a small business of musical instruments. He was a self-made man and was very proud of himself. Even I was very proud of him, always. The most amazing thing was his ever beautiful and charming smile to melt anyone except my mom (I guess). That incident made me and my dad closer. We use to take care of each other. He was the world to me. I was not angry with my mother but never forgave her.

The incident though brought me and my dad closer to each other, but a fear instilled in me , that something bad would happen if I will sleep, leading to my ways to wake me up till early mornings. The positive side of this cannot go unnoticed, I become an avid reader. Fictions to love stories, no- fictions, comics classic literature, I use to read and read. I developed a habit of writing stories, poems of my own but never published them, as I was ashamed of my work and think people would laugh at me. Still I have all those books turned dairies kept at my dad’s house. I have this inclination towards writing, everyone including my dad though I would become a writer. I surprised everyone by choosing law as a career.

My dad was stunned on my career choice, as he always thought I would choose some creative career, but to everyone’s exception I chose law. He knew very well I have no interest in musical instruments and music too. I never understood music, but that never displeased him. He simply overtly loved me and I loved him back. He used to say that ‘I am rare beautiful soul’. He just was not ready to see my flaws like a Loving Father. I has hoarse voice (more like a horse rather J J ), not suitable for singing at all. Moreover how much I use to try for playing guitar or any musical instrument for that matter, I ended up being a dumbfounded alien who knew nothing not even what Earth is. My dad use to appreciate me so much, that I use to feel worth for everything. Deep down at my heart, I knew I chose a professional career, so that mother would come to back to us.(which obviously my dad never knew). As I enrolled for law, in my second year my dad passed away in a car accident.

I wonder even on my dad’s death, why my mother never turned up. That day after his cremation I cried like hell. I was expecting her to be with me. Then after many hours of my sobbing, I stopped as all my energy was lost and slept without eating. The other day when I woke up, I thought to myself that it was good that my mother did not turn up; it saved lot of embarrassment and awkwardness that I had to go through. This all though shattered my faith in my belief that my mother would ever come back. I accepted that fact that she never wanted to, rather she was not willing to come, and that is why she left in the first place. I also thought to myself that may be she did not know that dad died. May be she is no more or she stays somewhere far away. These thoughts concluded me to forget about her forever. I JUST LET GO HER FROM MY MIND. It relieved me as I received some wings from God to turn me into an ANGEL, SERIOUSLY I WAS FEELING LIBERATED. I just wanted to live with my dad’s beautiful unforgettable smile and beautiful good memories.

My dad’s death made me a complete loner. I never had many friends, but now I dragged myself to more seclusion and only studies. David Uncle, my dad’s best friend, helped me run my dad’s business; it earned me enough to complete my law studies. I decided to handover the business to David uncle, he was widower with no children. I came to California for my job as law researcher. Even after my marriage uncle still cares for my dad’s house and his business, as his moral responsibility. He was always a warm, loving and kind compassionate person. He loved me as his own daughter and was always there for me. He is the only person I am in touch with after dad’s death.

BUZZZZZ…. BUZZZ, my phone was buzzing, pulled me thoroughly from my not so happy memories. Looking myself standing in front of the mirror, I realised I look beautiful but need some repairing though J. I gave myself a last wide smile.

When I looked at my phone it was a reminder set at 4.00 pm that I have to complete my legal draft correction and mail it to my ‘Mr Weirdo’ boss, client till 6.oopm. Today I took my day off from work, even Eddie was going to come home early, to spend some quality time with Eamara. I gave myself a last look in the mirror. I thanked Aaana in my mind, as I would spend only 5 minutes but here I have spent almost an hour to look myself in the mirror J.

I picked up my laptop, and logged into to complete my work before Emara wakes up. It was already 5.45 pm when I looked at the watch in my laptop, and yes I completed my work before hand by already mailing to everyone. I shut down the laptop. Eddie was coming home till 6.00 pm. I still had 15 minutes to get ready; I quickly got ready and asked Mrs. Robinson to get Emara ready by waking her up. It was 6.30 pm and still Eddie has not arrived. Emara was already raring to go. She was very excited as she was going to be with her daddy too. So I took my phone and dialed his no., it went on voice call “Hello Dr. Eddiee Keepers, call me later please, I am busy in meeting”. I called in his hospital as I knew Eddie does not revert back and updates. Eddie’s personal assistant Mrs. Robert picked the phone on the other end. She is beautiful, short Asian women. She has short all grey hair, thin lips. I liked her very much because of her warm nature and pleasant smile. She immediately recognized my voice.

“Hello Precious. How R U? How is Emara?”

“Hello Mrs Robert. I am fine thank you. Emara is also good. How are you?”

“I am fine Precious thank you”

“Is Eddie there?”

“Oh Dr. Eddiee left for some important meeting half an hour ago”

I said disappointingly looking at Emara, who was busy playing with her ball “Oh!!”

“ Do you need me to call Dr. and let you know?” she asked me

“No Mrs. Robert, its ok”, I said politely.

“Ok then, take care dear.” Mrs Robert said.

“Ok Mrs Robert. Bye”

We both hung up.

I looked at Emara, so that I could give her some excuse as ‘daddy is busy and will join us later’. She immediately read my mind, and said “It’s okay Mummy. Let’s go. I know Daddy will join us later” with a satisfying and mature smile. I was upset but then I smiled back at her cheerfully. We went to her favourite park.

We reached the park within no time, as it was near our house. But it was past 6. 45 pm , and the sun was already set. Thus the park was well lit with focus lights at all corners. The whole park was noisily scattered with children and their parents/ grandparents/ maids looking after them. Emara was more than happy, as her eyes were enlightened and bright with happiness. The moment we reached the park, she left my hand and went to a section with slides, sea-saws, swings, bars some small but safe rides. Emara straight went to the slide and met some of her friends. I choose to stand in a corner, so that I can pay attention to Emara without any disturbance.

The Park was not very big, but spacious enough for children to practice. The garden was split into many sections as per the age group. One section was made for toddlers, babies. It was totally separate from the rest of the section. It had many soft toys, carts, small cars for amusement. The area was more cushioned layered with soft carpet and mom friendly too. Other section was for age group of Emara, with all equipments safe and child friendly. Some benches made of rock were well placed for mostly parents to sit and watch their child play. Other sections were actually football, basketball court, for big children. They were not very huge but spacious enough to practice. The park was well maintained and safety rules were well taken care of. As expected Emara was happy and played and played and played. She tried all the equipment’s, so no (equipment) should feel bad J. Emara use to come to me only to drink water, if thirsty.

It was 8. 00 pm already so I waved at Emara that it’s time to leave. Emara was patiently waiting in the line formed, to play the slide. The moment I called her, to my very surprise she immediately waved byes to some of her old and some new friends. She came running towards me. I was happy to see Emara as she never looked back even once at the slide, as if she was more than satisfied.

When she came to me, I said “ Emmy, need to leave its already 8. 00 pm and you have school tomm dear”.

Emara adding more surprise to my already surprised mind; smiled and said “okay Mommiee. Let’s Go”. I was more shocked than surprised now, as Emm was agreeing with all my requests without opposing even once. I thought to myself that Emm is acting too mature than her age actually required. It gave me a huge relief though, I was preparing for some solid excuses to take her home back. Without wasting a single minute I delivered a well prepared THANK YOU GOD SPEECH, smilingly in my mind. Holding and swinging each other’s hand we happily went home. All the way to home, Emara told me what happened in the park and how many new friends she made. She liked a blue eyed boy named Tom, as he let her play the swing first. We reached home, took our dinner. Time was flying that day, we both played and played, making the day worth of. It was 10.00 pm so I told Emara “it's sleeping time now Emmy”. Today Emm was acting more mature since evening. Without a word she retires to her bed after brushing her teeth and wearing her favourite white night dress printed with Dora and friends cartoon. No time she was sound sleep listening to her all-time favourite lion stories.