What is your opinion?
Love it
"Its HP what's not to like! Seriously I loved it to bits, I can't fault much at all really. Just a nice writing style that flows easily and gives me the impression its a chapter out of JKR's books. You did great and I will be following you on this."
Review: I Wanted to be in Hufflepuff, Chapter 1 & 2
"I have a soft spot for Snape fanfiction. I think he's a fascinating, snarky, and wonderfully complex character to play with in HP fanfiction. One of my favorite fanfictions of ALL TIME was a SnapexOC named Holly ("Living a Legend" by Fabula Propona), but she took it down and I can't find a copy of it anymore. All of that's to say that I was very much looking forward to a story featuring Snape as the opening familiar character, coupled with a main character who apparently actively wanted to be in what's often the most put-down house of the four. But... I feel as though this story, while possessing an interesting premise, didn't fully explore the motivations and personalities of its characters. In fact, Mrs. Jones--the mother of main character genius Alice Jones--was the most interesting character to follow of the lot, including Snape. Part of this is because Alice Jones suffers from a strange variation of Mary Sue syndrome that I can't quite pinpoint. She's a genius who's graduated high school at the age of 10, can perform 6th year spells immediately, and understands that a weird looking cat is, in fact, a crossbreed between feline magical species. Her seeming perfection and complete understanding of her power makes her an unappealing character, and her arrogance and lack of social graces make her abrasive to the extreme. Examples include: + She asks a goblin for a blood sample. + She asks the cat if it can tolerate needles--essentially volunteering what's ostensibly a pet for scientific experimentation. + She opens a door after juggling "unstable particles" and is entirely ungracious about the whole thing + She's basically rude to every single person she meets while espousing her future as a genius--and then is justified in her arrogance when the author allows her to perform grand feats of magic after seeing only one example. Even Hermione had some sort of a learning curve! So Alice needs a revamp. I'm all for a character being arrogant in the beginning, but only if her arrogance is quickly shown to be just that--and she comes to a sort of revelation and humility that makes her that much more appealing to the reader. The greater the arrogance, the sooner that revelation needs to come. Alice's head is so inflated, she needed to trip up much sooner than she has, even in Chapter 2 (cute moment where she's cowering over magic breaking scientific laws notwithstanding). I think Snape could be very useful here. Instead of being impressed, why is he not cutting this guttersnipe down to size? Where is that snark that could both put Alice in her place and create an interesting professor-student conflict that made him so engaging with The Golden Trio? Even if you have it in later chapters, you've made her so utterly unappealing now, I can't bring myself to root for her success. Frankly, it doesn't seem like she needs it. So my suggestion would be to make Alice either less perfect--maybe make her wonderful at muggle things, but all thumbs at magic? That could be some interesting internal conflict as her natural confidence takes a blow--or have Snape be harsher with her. From there, you might have created a more empathetic main character that I would want to follow. I hope my review helped you see your story in a new light! You're dealing well with multiple characters AND keeping to canon, which is impressive. (My own fanfiction was much less precise and focused around one-on-one conversations.) Keep writing, and remember that nothing's ever set in stone. You can always go back and rewrite. Good luck!"
