Grandma
Mawmaw,
You have always been close to me. It’s hard not hearing you say you love me.. but I made sure you knew that. It took you away from me and it broke you down. 60 pounds. I hear you in my sleep telling me about your days in heaven. I hope you’re happy and more alive... you didn’t want to die alone and I was gonna make it where that happened. Do you see me right now? Are you beside me? Do you feel me missing you? Are you visiting me? I know I’ll never hear your voice again my world is nothing without you... I will always remember our days together pbjs movie night and smoking cigarettes all night, watching our favorite show naked and afraid..You’re in the care center they moved you to hospice it’s for people that don’t have long to live... I visited you today... Your still in much pain... barely making it. I wish I could take the pain and I could suffer than you.. I want the pain to stop.. it’s sucking the life out of you and making you fade away.. it won’t stop growing inside of you there is no way to stop it.. you have spend months in pain and you have left so miserable and confused.. your not eating or drinking.. your dying by the second. It’s eating you alive.. its getting bigger and bigger and it’s unstoppable.I wish I could go back 1 year ago and I would do things different for you.. it’s sucking you dry... it’s killing me as it’s killing you.. your losing your mind..Your getting weak and sad... your dying in front of me and I know you want to. I know you might not know what your saying but I will understand what you say. I know you don’t want to be alone when you die.. your not yourself you have gotten ill, tired, miserable... I would want to be there when you do pass.. so you won’t be alone... your brain is gonna have tumors coming in soon and Its gonna become worse for you.. don’t be scared... I think of you every second of the day. I know you’re dying and I think you know to. you will always be with me in my heart.. it’s gonna be strange without you here. you didn’t deserve this. you have taught me things I will always remember. It’s been a week since I seen you they put you in a nursing home and you lost your voice you were speaking but nothing was coming out. It’s like you were trying to tell us something. You constantly hurt from pain:. The next day I came by I forced you to eat but you gave me the evil eye so it probably causes more pain. You had 3 medium size holes in your throat. Your skin was so rubber and like and dried up I told her I loved her and she smiled and I barely could hear her say it back..but that was fine for me I just wanted her to know. I Came back the next day and I walked and she was moving her head side to side and it sounded like the DEATH RATTLE I knew when I heard that.... my heart dropped.. she fought so hard to stay but her body wouldn’t let her.. she’s so strong but her body is so weak..she wasn’t gonna live to much longer.. I told her I loved her 1000 times and she was a great and thank you for everything you did for me and I would take care of momma. She was leaving and I wasn’t ready my heart was breaking and I can’t do anything to stop it. We love you mawmaw it’s time to go home.
