Mad obsession

It was almost dark when I got home. Straight into my room and straight into the shower. A nice hot bath is all I needed. The water was burning hot but I didn't notice. I wanted it to burn me. Peel my skin off. I desperately needed to feel cleansed. I scrubbed the hickie on my neck till the spot turned red. Not really helping.

What is this I had done. What was this new feeling. Disghust. Utter disappointment. Pain. All these towards my self. Squatting in the bathroom I burried my head in between my legs.

When the mental breakdown eased off I got out of the shower. Just as I entered my room I heard a notification beep on my phone. Hey pretty. Where have you been all afternoon.

I held my breath for a moment. What should I tell him. Hey sorry been busy with school work. Missed you though.

I knew where this was going to end. I wasn't going to let myself take that path again. I would just lie to him and pretend everything was normal, but he was going to find out sooner than later. He had better found it out from me then.

Hey can I ask you a question... I sparked the conversation trying to beat around the bush. Yeah, sure. Anything.

He replied ecstatically. It saddened me to know I was going to ruin his evening.

What would be the one thing I would do that would make you hate me so much?

I sent the text and waited for his reply. The ticks turned blue almost immediately. Didn't know if it was a good sign. Hoped for the best and braced my self for the worst.

Not being honest.

Yeah. I was just as surprised. Then my mind started russhing again. But it wasn't up until recently that I understand why that answer. But then I was so confused I didn't know what to reply.

Why did you ask though. Are you okay?

He being himself inquired.

Yeah.

I replied then suddenly remembered I had to tell him.

Ok No. Actually there is something I think you should know.

I sent the text and felt my stomach rumble. I put my phone on the bed and quickly put on my pajamas. Then the beep

Ok all my attention on you.

Here goes nothing...