Prologue
I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me from downstairs. I don't like it when she yells my name like that, it irritates me cause I really am a fan of sleep.
"I'll be down in a bit mom!" I yelled back and she finally shut her mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I actually love my mother but sometimes, I tend to rub off my frustrations on her. I'm living a pretty messed up life. I'm not sure the words pretty and messed up should go together when I try to describe just how cruddy my life is.
I wake up each morning and I keep remembering that the world hates me. I'm an only child and I lost my dad when I was just seven years old. The only person I have left is my mom and she's really caring and loving but I just wish that God had given her a better daughter, not me, I'm her burden. I'm not something she should be proud of, I'm just...so useless. I read tons of books and that's the only way I get to get my mind off the fact that no one loves me besides my mom. I wake up each morning and I ask myself "why me"? Why does the world hate me so much?
My dad's dead and so is my paternal grandpa who died just a year ago. And my mom's parents also died long before I was born in a car accident. I don't have any father figure in my life and sometimes it just hurts so much to get bullied and treated like you have no say. I take a lot of nonsense from a lot of people and I always get heartbroken at the end. Sometimes I just feel numb, and I have no more tears to cry. While sometimes I just cry myself out. I'm treated as a slave and I can't speak up, I can't even tell my mom about it cause that's just how I am. I can't speak up for myself. I feel sad sometimes and even feel like dying but I can't talk to anyone about it. I feel like saying something but the words just don't come out, they just stay there. Choking me and making me feel so useless.
My life sucks, I hate myself and everything about me, including my shadow, just makes me wanna cry. I have no one and I might as well die in my silence. And die trying to make this cruel world notice me. They never ever notice me. Never.
I got down from my bed, grabbed my extra ugly glasses which only add to my ugliness, and I put them on.
I stare at myself at the mirror and all I see is a brown haired nightmare with freckled cheeks, a scrawny body, beady emerald green eyes, a pert nose, thin and small pink lips, and a slightly pale skin.
A tear escapes my eyes as I remember that I have to go back there, and no matter how hard I try to tell my mom that I don't wanna keep going back there; I just can't do it! The words just hang right there in my mouth. I can't even say it!
Another tear slips down my cheek as I remember all the haters that'll always judge me when I get there. I'd have to keep enduring all this till I finally die of silence and negligence. This is my fate, and this is how my life has been...
I love singing, I write books, I write poems and I love reading. All I ever do is read, and write books and poems and songs when no one is around to judge me. When no one is around to call me a freak or a weirdo. Those are the times I sing, write and read to calm my nerves. But sadly, all these talents will never get noticed.
