Chapter 1
“Look, I really do appreciate the gesture but it’s just not meant to be Glor. How do I know you’re not signing me up for another sugar daddy website?”
“That was one time Lulu! You say the same words whenever we talk about this,, and never give it a chance and I-“
“I can’t fix it if shit goes south! I’m protecting myself so that I don’t have to deal with getting hurt again.” I answered sternly, glancing up from my songbook. As expected,, Gloria looked disappointed. With a small exhale of exasperation she left my room, deciding to drop the topic for now. I stared absently at the page of lyrics until my eyes glazed over, entranced in thought.
Things weren’t always like this. There was a time when anxiety and overthinking didn’t impede my ability to talk to people. A time when I didn’t have to mask my emotions because well, I’d already been happy. Over the last few decades I was slowly loosing the battle with the demons in my mind. Things were quickly spiraling despite my attempts to save them. My eyes prickled with tears which I quickly blinked back, refusing to give into anymore self pity or loathing.
“For all the millions of wars we’ve fought. This oblivion that we’ve been taught. It’s impossible to realize, that not everything is so cruel.” I sang softly, carefully writing the lyrics onto the page. This was my escape. Writing music with the band, performing shows, every last drop of sweat created this. We’d started our journey the summer before college at a Music Performance intensive here and got along so well, with similar creative ideas that we’d decided to keep our project alive. Now that Brighton, Apollo, Grier and I were seniors and graduating soon, with intention of staying in NYC, we were letting fate take its course.
I spent the next hour writing, finishing the last few paragraphs of a lab write up and eating snacks from the bedside dresser I reserved specially for days like this.
“I’m still disappointed but I wanted to remind you of your gig tonight.” Gloria pops in with a notebook in her hand. A quick glance at my phone had me running for the shower with a quick thank you on my way out.
Dawning thigh high platform boots, a white lace romper, a velvet jacket, soft grey waves, masked happiness and my guitar I set off for Grier’s, our designated meet up spot for gig nights.
