"I'll never leave you."
He said he’d never leave me. Those were his words. The truth was farther from that.
“It’s not his fault” I whisper to myself as the tears slowly fall down my cheeks. I look out the hospital window and I feel trapped. These four walls and putrid antiseptic smell have become a home for me. I pace back in forth in my mind because I simply don’t have the strength to get up. My thoughts seem to trail off until I’m forced back into consciousness when I hear the food tray rattle in.
“Hey hun, you should eat! When was the last time you ate somethin’ homemade, or even just hot??! The nurse came in smiling, trying to hide her fatigue and sadness from her patients she takes care of. I really don’t know how she does this. I always think that I would hate this type of job. I couldn’t imagine taking care of someone and giving a lot of myself to people who I might never see again.
“Oh thanks, Donna. I just.. I’m not really hungry. Thank you though, I really appreciate it.” I say, looking into her eyes that seem to try to pull something out of me. She is wearing a baby blue today and it matches perfectly with her dark skin tone and dark straight hair that curls at the ends. I also wonder why I feel so safe with her, but she also reminds me of my late grandmother. I see that glimmer of wisdom that reminds me of when I looked into her eyes as a child. Donna has been here for the past week and a half but she seems to know something about myself that I don’t know.
“Okay baby, you let me know if you need something.” It feels like she’s bearing into my soul. I study her face, as she shrugs and continues to work, changing the almost lifeless body in front of me.
I can’t look at him anymore. I haven’t been able to look at him since I cried the first night I saw him like this. It only reminds me of what I can’t have, what we use to have, who we used to be. My mind fades off into when I first met him two years ago.
{SOPHOMORE YEAR - LEEFORD UNIVERSITY}
“I don’t want to go Ally! I have homework, and I already have too much on my plate! I don’t want to go. Plus, I know there’s going to be drinking, you know how private school parties are.” I say rolling my eyes, laying on my bed with papers spread around me like a fortress.
Ally looks at me with suspicion in her eyes as I keep declining her. “You’re gonna hateeee me when I meet the cutest guy, you know, the one that I’m supposed to marry. And YOUUU are going to miss out on yours!” Ally says as she wiggles her finger at me, knowing I hate it.
Ally and I have been friends for years. She is tall, blonde, carefree, and goofy. I am... not tall, strict, and mostly working, as she puts it, all. the. time. Sometimes I wonder how we are best friends. She always tries to push me to do “fun things”, like now. Sometimes I relent, but I have a paper coming up and I need to put my best foot forward.
“PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I don’t want to go alone, and you’re going to have so much fun, we don’t have to drink, you know that, and we can go and be like Jesus, because Jesus went to parties, so let’s goooooo, PLEASSEEEE!!” She looks at me and I see a hint of sadness in her blue eyes. I feel like I could jump into them and sink into the unknown. Ally always wanted to be the positive one and bring joy to everyone around her. Sometimes she needs to release though, and I’m so grateful that she chooses me to listen to her.
I interrupt her yelling exasperatingly, “LISTEN, I’m not saying yes, but how long are you planning on being there for, and when are you planning on leaving? I throw down my pen in defeat and sigh because I know that she knows I’ll give in.
She abruptly interrupts me “THAT SOUNDS LIKE A ‘YES’ TO ME!!!” YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
She is starting to excitedly pick out her clothes but stops and peeks her head around the corner and says “OH! and I’m leaving at 6:45 p.m. sharp!”Start writing here…
