In Her Hazel Eyes

She used to hate the people that admired her smile. Perhaps hate is a strong word. She used to feel uncomfortable when those words fell from their judgmentally inclined mouths, piling on their expectations unknowingly.

The clothes she chose to adorn her body with shouldn’t have a say in who she was as a person. Maybe it can tell you what colour she liked, but how could it tell you who she was?

Simon helped her overcome that discomfort.

Nora wiped a tear from her eye, cursing her brain for thinking about Simon. It had been 2 years since he left, she shouldn’t still be in this much pain.

She adjusted the yellow dress sleeve on her shoulder in the mirror. She could do this. She wasn’t going to think of Simon tonight. Tonight, was all about Elsie and Laura. It was their night.

‘On my way now.’

Nora flicked a quick message to her closest friend, pulling the cabin door closed behind her. A wave of emotion swept over her as she turned the key in the lock, remembering the first time she walked into this cabin. It had been a different kind of day, an emotional one for her.

She took a shaky breath and stepped away from the building, putting one foot in front of the other until she was at her car. It was the best thing she owned. A wedding present from her parents. It was one of the only things she couldn’t bring herself to sell.

Thankfully It was a short drive to the restaurant. Nora was pulling into one of the carparks before she had time to talk herself out of this social outing.

‘Hey.’ A knock on Nora’s car window had her jumping in her seat.

She rolled down her window and conjured a smile for the person waiting for her. ‘Hey Ash.’

‘You here for Elsie and Laura?’ He waited for her to turn off her car and join him in the soft breeze.

‘Yeah.’ Nora didn’t offer many words, and it reminded Ash of the days when they used to be friends.

‘You guys made it!’ Elsie greeted the pair at the doors, a dazzling smile present on her face.

Nora wrapped her arms around her closest friend, ‘You look amazing Elsie!’

‘Damn right I do. Head to the table, you won’t be able to miss Laura!’ Elsie waved Nora in the direction of the table and ushered Ashton to follow suit.

‘How you been lately Nora?’ Ashton attempted small talk as they made their way to the table.

‘Good. You?’ She lied through her teeth.

‘I’ve made a good life for – ’

‘Ashton! Nora! You’re the first ones here!’ Laura grinned at them, apologizing for not standing up. ‘It’s the bump, he prefers to keep sitting down in the evenings.’

Nora felt her stomach jump into her throat at the sight of Laura’s protruding stomach. She’d briefly forgotten that Laura was pregnant and due next month.

‘The little man is already dictating your every move!’ Ashton dropped a kiss onto Laura’s cheek.

‘He’s stolen the position from you,’ Laura teased.

Nora sat and watched the two of them talk about the week’s events, smiles ever present and obvious joy in their lives. It was almost too much for her to bear. She hated that seeing others happy had her feeling so low, that it reminded her so much of Simon and everything she was missing out on.

The table slowly filled with more people, conversations mingling and voices rising, everybody was happy. Nora wished she’d stayed at home. Not because of the people, but because this was reminding her off the day she had celebrated her engagement with Simon.

‘Hey, you ok?’ Ashton leaned over to Nora and poked her in the side, jolting her from her thoughts.

‘Hmmm?’ Nora blinked twice, before shoving her despair back under the rug for the night. She could deal with that once she got home. ‘I’m good, thanks.’ This time she smiled a real smile for the first time that night.

Ashton shuffled his seat slightly so he could talk to Nora without putting out his back. ‘What’s changed since high school Nora? You’re not easy to follow on social media.’

‘Yeah. I deleted my accounts a few years ago.’ She looked at her hands, twisting her finger where her wedding ring used to sit.

‘What happened?’

‘That’s a story for another time,’ Nora chuckled softly, hoping it would get Ashton off her back.

‘Coffee tomorrow?’ He suggested, that same look in his eye as when they were 17.

‘I…’ She stuttered.

‘You were planning on blowing me off, weren’t you?’ He grinned, knowing that Nora wasn’t the one to willing offer herself to open up. Not really.

‘I’m sorry but I’m not really in the place to be… socializing,’ she apologized.

‘You’re socializing now?’ he waved his hand around the table, drawing Elsie’s eye to Nora’s bashful expression.

’I’m here for my friends. If it were up to me- ’She started.

‘Let me guess. You would be at home, curled up under a blanket, listening to music and reading a book?’ Ash jumped in.

Nora tried to hide her smile. ‘You assume I haven’t changed.’

‘Nora, you’re the kind of person that should never change. And I mean that in the most amazing way possible.’ He smiled softly, showing a side of himself that she hadn’t realised she had missed. And she felt guilty for that.

Ashton picked up on the flicker of emotion change in her hazel eyes, something she had taught him all those years ago. He found himself wishing he could pull her into a hug, soothe her pain but he knew if that were to ever happen, he would find himself drowning in those emotions he never quite got rid of for her.

She was the one that got away. She left him alone in the park that night, and although he’d told himself he had moved on, he’d always compared his later girlfriends to Nora. Something he always felt awful about.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any negative emotions,’ Ashton whispered into her ear, a comforting hand on her shoulder.

‘I’m going to have to ask you to stop Ash,’ Nora looked at him with a stressed expression on her lips. ‘I meant what I said that night in the park Ash. Please don’t drag all of that up again. I can’t deal with any of that, please.’ She smiled a sad smile, moving his hand back to his leg and lingering for a second.

She couldn’t deny the feelings that he dragged up, the feeling of comfort and longing, a warmth she missed terribly, something she hadn’t thought of in a long time. Something about him just had her coming back for more, but she needed to push him away for both of their sakes.

‘I’m sorry,’ He bit the inside of his lip, and nodding softly. He turned back to the table and told himself that Nora was right, and that she had been right all along.

Nora did the same. Turned the other way and found an effortless way into the conversation, turning on the charm and reinstating that smile she was always so well known for. She ignored the pull to turn and talk to Ashton, knowing it would cause more pain that it would ease her angst.

But while she was putting in so much attention to the others at the table, the pain of missing her husband took a step back and she started enjoying herself. The smile became a little more real, her laugh a little louder, and the old Nora took a seat at the table.

Perhaps Ashton had a better influence on her than she could have imagined. Had she been to rash all those years ago in the park?