Feuille Morte

The best time of the year is fall. There’s Halloween, where everyone gets to dress up and be something else for the night even if they choose to pull out the overused cat costume or ridiculous couples outfit: ohhh she’s the devil and you’re the egg… you guys are a devil egg right? Then there’s Thanksgiving. The holiday where we starve all morning until we stuff ourselves to the point of exhaustion. Even when our stomachs feel like weights dragging us down, we still all manage to run to the mall to get a jump start on reasonably priced Christmas gifts. If you’re like my Mom the holiday music is already playing softly in the background while she puts the leftover turkey in the fridge and pulls down the battered Santa inflatable from its familiar spot on the attic floor. Even though the fall holidays are great, the seasonal changes are even better. The leaves change from vibrant green to hues of warm yellows and browns. My favorite part of fall is the first crisp breeze that brushes past your face and sets off the awareness that fall is here. It feels like taking a deep breath of fresh air. Like the start of something new.

If that feeling could be a person, and a person could inhibit feelings, that person would be Audrey. It’s been so long since I saw her. Back in middle school, I was a very awkward kid. I was I can touch my index finger to my thumb around your wrist type of skinny and while every girl was starting to develop, I was stuffing toilet paper down my training bra. I wasn’t good at making friends and people weren’t good at talking to me so I was used to being alone. Until I met Audrey. I was in the school’s locker room getting changed for gym when Emma from my science class tapped me on the shoulder.

“Do you have a lighter?”

I wanted to ask her why she thought I would have a lighter. Maybe I looked like I take cigarette breaks in between math and study hall. Or maybe she thought I was one of those kids that smoke dime sized joints in the abandoned bathroom at the back corner of the school.

I shook my head, “No I don’t. Sorry.”

She huffed in annoyance and walked away. Earlier that morning I heard her talking to her friends about their plans during gym. Back then the girls in my school would huddle up in the girls locker room bathroom and take turns stabbing their belly buttons to get belly button piercings. The trend started when Asia got her older sister to pierce her belly button for her. Then Asia showed it off in the locker room and kept saying how easy it was to do. Next thing I know, the girls are bringing needles and earrings and I’m not allowed to pee before gym because they need a sterile working area.

“I can’t believe that not a single person has a lighter. A freaking lighter.” Emma sat down on the bench that separated the two rows of lockers. “The bathrooms always smell like weed but no one has a lighter?”

I guess it was Emma’s lucky day because an angelic voice called from behind me, saying the four magic words Emma desperately wanted to hear.

“I have a lighter.”

I turned around and saw a girl with dark hair and pale eyes. She wasn’t tall and she wasn’t short but average. Her hair was in a sloppy bun on the top of her head and her sweater looked like it was two sizes too big but she had brought it like that on purpose. She has a lot of pretty features: pouty lips, small nose, and colored eyes yet she still looked a little off. Even though she had completely made Emma’s day, the girl looked at Emma like she knew something Emma didn’t. Either Emma chose to ignore it or was too happy to care, because she took the lighter out of the girls hand and quickly ran into the bathroom where her group of friends were already preparing the piercing ceremony.

By this time I was already dressed for gym and was waiting for one of the gym teachers to tell us to head out when the girl laughed. She was leaning up against the lockers with a slight smile on her face. It looked like she was lost in some deep thought and I caught her in the aftermath of it.

“Do you wanna go watch? I bet it’ll be funny.”

Usually I would say no. I don’t like to get involved in stuff. I mind my own business, follow the rules, and keep to myself. But there was something about this girl. It could’ve been because of her eyes. They were a weird color. They looked grey but they weren’t. They were just a pale blue that contrasted hard with her slightly pale skin and muddy brown hair. Her eyes were always so enticing. They always made her look like she knew more than everyone else. Like she always had something up her sleeve which is exactly how she was looking at me, waiting for my response.

“Yeah, sure”

I locked my locker and we quickly walked to the bathroom. By the time we got there Emma was lying on the bathroom floor. She was holding onto the hands of two girls that were in her friend group while Asia was passing the needle through the lighter’s flame.

“Make sure it’s sterile, I don’t want it to get infected” Emma said. It was obvious she was getting nervous. The excitement from before wearing off. Her shirt was rolled all the way up, resting just below her chest. Next to her was a ziplock bag filled with q-tips and a bottle of hand sanitizer.

“I’ve done this before. I know what I’m doing. Just don’t move” Asia responded. She finished sterilizing the needle and counted to three before she stuck it into Emma’s belly button. Automatically Emma started to scream and one of the girls quickly put her hand over Emma’s mouth. Emma’s face started to turn a bright red as she was forced to suffer the pain in silence, a stream of tears starting to leak from her eyes.

At that moment Audrey turned to me with a look of disbelief matching a look of my own. The glare in her eyes looked like she was inviting me in on a secret.

“What a world we live in”