Facade of innocence

Beep beep beep.... My alarm woke me from my peaceful sleep. I got up from my bed groaning, I check my roster in hope that my flight schedule would be changed but to my delight, I had the same flight with my so-called boyfriend. No changes at all. Well, don't get bye wrong it's just that I can't handle too much drama. I like peaceful life. And also I tend to lose interest and eventually end up leaving them. It sounds bad, right? I know but it's just difficult for me to connect emotionally with people. Ending my trail of thoughts I get ready for my duty, wearing my uniform, applying make and standard hair bun. I'm slim with long dirty blonde hair green eyes and a face that practically drips innocence and not to forget my sweet smile. My appearance is very much deceiving to people and that's the fun. People let down their defenses thinking I'm harmless and I enjoy that they are comfortable around me. I get in my cab for the airport. As I complete my log sheet I see my "boyfriend" Liam, he is good looking man with blonde hair, blue eyes, and well build body. He also very sweet to me but as I said earlier I don't feel anything for him. He waves at me and I return it with my signature smile. I saw my IFM Lilly as I enter the aircraft. Lilly is a very sweet but straightforward 25-year-old girl. We get along just fine. We share a conversation and ask her if could transfer one of us (Liam) to economy class. And she gives me a knowing nod. Lilly transferred Liam to economy class and gives my first class. After everything is settled Lilly comes to me and says " look it's not the place to say but as your friend, you need to stop being sweet and think about yourself and break up with Liam." To which I nod. "Friend" I know she does consider me her friend and if I may add best friend but I Don't consider her one. Don't get wrong I like her. She is a very nice person but I don't think she is my friend. One needs to trust people to develop a relationship and I don't trust Lilly with my life. Friends stand by your side and I don't think Lilly would stand by me if she gets a hint as to who I'm.And most importantly, I m not ready. But I know she is just looking out for me and I appreciate it so I smile and nod and reassure her. She thinks I don't want to hurt his feeling but in reality, I just wanted to try and feel normal. Is that wrong? May be but do I care? No. Pushing these thoughts back of my mind, I talk through meals and check my equipment, and by the time I'm done passengers start boarding.