Blackbird
Thick, dark clouds closed in from all directions, covering the landscape in a cold, bleak layer of grey. A chilly breeze rustled the bare tree branches and blew the lifeless leaves across the withering lawns. Stray litter was kicked up by the wind and danced across the nearly empty streets. The sun could be seen attempting to break through the clouds, but to no avail.
Raven shuffled down the sidewalk, her cold hands shoved in her thick jacket for warmth. Her backpack weighed heavily on her shoulders, her short hair gently rubbing up against the fabric. A set of cheap headphones rested around her neck, blasting her playlist of 60’s rock. She mumbled the lyrics as she trudged down the sidewalk, lazily kicking a pebble along with her black Timberland boots.
She finally looked up when she reached her apartment complex- a shabby, four-story building with ivy climbing the walls and weeds choking the dirty lawn. A few cheap cars were haphazardly resting in the parking lot, most of them sporting heavy dents or missing parts.
Raven opened the door to the building, and a gust of wind blew in a few stray leaves. The dim lighting barely outlined the stained walls, and she could make out a few doors lining the hallway. She sighed heavily as she made her way to the stairs, making sure to roll her eyes as she passed the elevator that was permanently adorned with a sign that read OUT OF ORDER.
After climbing the exhausting three flights of stairs, Raven pushed open the creaky door leading to the third floor. She ambled down the hallway, coming to rest at an old wooden door with a rusted plaque lightly scratched with a fading 304. The lights overhead flickered for a moment as she shoved her key into the lock, causing her to look around in curiosity. A little spooked, Raven quickly turned the knob and shoved her shoulder into the wood, and the door pushed inward, allowing Raven entrance into the apartment.
Raven gazed around, taking in the messy state of her room. Her duvet lay in a heap on the ground, her bedsheets a tangled knot on top of the mattress. Her pillows were lumpy and strewn across the floor by the bed. Across from her mattress, a simple wooden desk rested in the corner. A basic calendar hung limply above, currently opened to November, and a laptop was propped open on the surface next to an empty coffee mug.
Raven grabbed the mug and dropped her backpack, the heavy university textbooks landing with a resounding thunk. Without even bothering to check the condition of the slammed books, Raven made her way into the kitchen, which was not in much better condition than the rest of the apartment. Dirty dishes filled the sink, old food grime encrusted on their surfaces. Empty boxes of ramen and cereal lined the counter next to an old milk carton. Raven sighed and grabbed the carton, dumped out the stale milk, and threw it in the overflowing trash bin.
Raven fiddled with the stove for a few moments before finally getting it to turn on. She turned around to grab a kettle, and noticed a small figure slinking through the kitchen. She couldn’t help but let out a little laugh as the gray kitten looked up at her with wide yellow eyes.
“Come here, Ash,” she laughed as the small feline gingerly stepped over to her.
Raven had found Ash a few weeks back. She had been walking back from one of her classes when she heard a distressed mewling coming from the side alley between two rundown buildings. Raven had hesitated before making her way to the alley, stepping cautiously between the rank sludge made up of wet trash. She frowned at the sight of a shivering kitten curled in a little ball. Raven crouched down, extending a hand to the sickly cat. It had cringed away from her touch at first, before warily taking a small step forward. It sniffed her open fingers for a moment before nudging its soft head into her palm.
Needless to say, it had taken little coercion to get the kitten to come home with her.
Raven grinned at this memory as she scooped up Ash, placing her gently in her hood where the kitten loved to rest. She filled the empty kettle with water from the sink before placing it on the warm stove. Making sure the kettle was being thoroughly heated, Raven left the kitchen to grab Ash’s food.
When Raven opened the bag of cat food, she was disappointed at the sight of an empty bottom. She shook the bag for good measure, then let out a groan when she realized it was truly empty. She stood up and walked to the hallway closet, where she thought an extra bag might be stored.
The closet was filled with miscellaneous items that had built up over the few months Raven had been living in the apartment. She dug around, searching for any sign of an orange bag, and breathed out a disgruntled huff when she couldn’t manage to find one.
As Raven stood, her foot slid forward on an old magazine and hit something hard with a loud thud. Raven let out a yelp as she fell on her bottom, and Ash meowed angrily and jumped out of Raven’s hood. Rubbing her sore foot, Raven leaned forward to find the source of the injury. Pulling aside countless books and old clothes, Raven saw the outline of a black case. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion as she pulled the case forward. Her mouth opened in shock when she finally identified what it was.
“Dad’s old guitar,” she whispered, “I thought Mum threw that out ages ago.”
Flipping the clasps up, Raven tenderly opened the top. Dust rose from the inside, causing Raven to cough vigorously for a few moments. As the dust cleared, Raven gawked at her father’s prized possession. A single tear slipped down her cheek as she rubbed her fingers over the smoothed wood. Random stickers adorned the old instrument, ranging from a cat’s face to a stamp from Hawaii. Raven delicately picked up the guitar, and a single sheet of folded white paper fell into Raven’s lap.
Raven’s eyes fell to the paper, and she set the guitar back in the case. Shaking uncontrollably, Raven reached into her lap, picked up the paper and unfolded it. Her eyes scanned the note, soaking in each word of the sprawled handwriting.
Raven,
The doctors said I only have a few days left, so I will attempt to put my feelings into words.
We have had so many wonderful memories together. From the day you were born to now, I have enjoyed every moment of the time we had. I have seen you grow from a little girl into a strong woman.
I am entrusting this guitar to you in the hopes that through it, you will have me again. Through it, I will live on. Each time you play, I hope you will think of me. Of all the times you sat in my lap and I played countless songs until you were snoozing peacefully. Of all the times when I taught you the strings and we would sing together on the back porch. Of all the times your Mum and I would sing lullabies to you in bed and your eyes would slowly close into a blissful sleep.
I hate to be leaving you this soon, and I know it will be hard at times. I know there will be days when you’re angry and frustrated at me or yourself, and other days you will be too overcome with grief to even move. But in the end, it will be okay. I trust that you will be able to overcome and that you’ll help Mum do the same.
I love you, my little blackbird.
Dad
Thick tears rolled down Raven’s cheeks as she reread the simple letter several times. The words kept slamming into her, causing hot waves of fresh anger and despair to rise. Her whole body was shaking with sobs, and Raven could do nothing to stop it. Her hands clenched tightly around the edges of the paper, her knuckles turning white and almost tearing the page. She noticed this and loosened her grip slightly.
Raven would have continued to read the letter if the kettle had not begun its incessant whistling. Raven took a deep, ragged breath before pushing herself to her feet, the letter still clenched tightly in one of her hands. She moved slowly towards the kitchen, wiping away the excess tears smeared across her face.
Raven set aside the letter and removed the kettle from the stove, turned it off, and poured the boiling water into the empty mug still sitting on the counter. She rolled up her sleeves before reaching into a cabinet and pulling out a tea bag, then dropped it into the mug a little too forcefully. Hot drops of water splashed onto Raven’s arms, causing her to hiss in pain and quickly swipe at the water with her other hand. The droplets came off quickly, and Raven heaved a sigh of relief.
Grabbing the mug and letter in the same hand, Raven returned to where the guitar lay in the hallway. She closed the top of the case and clasped it shut, then hefted it with her free hand. She moved towards her desk and quickly set the letter and cup of tea on the wooden surface, then set the case down on the floor. She plopped into the chair dejectedly, then rested her face heavily in her hands.
It had taken eighteen painstaking months of counseling and medication before Raven had been able to recover from her Dad’s death. Even then, she still had the occasional breakdown and the days where she was stuck in bed, unwilling to move or eat, her body numb, only thinking of how badly she wanted her father back. She had found several of Dad’s old possessions that had brought on tears, however nothing had hit her as hard as finding the guitar.
Raven fought back tears as memories rolled in of her father. She remembered the summer nights on the back porch, stargazing, playing the guitar, and falling asleep to the steady chirping of crickets. She recalled going to the fair every year, and sitting perched on his shoulders while pointing out the different animals. She remembered growing older and talking to her father into long hours of the night about school and friends and boys. She remembered her father comforting her after her first high school heartbreak. She remembered him telling her how proud he was. Most of all, she remembered his smile and his laugh.
Trying to shake thoughts of her dad from her head, Raven leaned down and opened the case. She picked up the guitar and placed it in her lap, positioning it across her chest. Her left hand rested near the bottom of the guitar’s body, and her right hand found its way to the neck of the guitar. She felt a small weight pull down her jacket behind her, and turned to see Ash had found her way back into her hood. A small smile lifted her cheeks and she turned back to the guitar, adjusting the tuning pegs and plucking the strings until she was satisfied. Taking in a deep breath, Raven began to play and sing the first song that came to mind.
“Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise”
Raven’s voice was soft, yet rough, and she moved steadily through the notes. Her hands seemed to know exactly what they were doing, moving and strumming in a perfect pattern. She lost herself in the music, letting her mind go blank and allowing herself to be pulled into the movements and rhythm.
A few minutes later, Raven’s hands played the last chord, her voice slowly fading on the last note. She paused, the peace and comfort brought on by the silence settling deep inside her. She almost felt like her father was there, sitting next to her. It was a feeling she never wanted to lose.
“I used to play that for you when you were little.”
Raven’s heart jumped in her chest, and she flinched, almost dropping the guitar. She quickly recovered, grabbing the guitar roughly, which caused it to twang. Taking in a deep breath to calm her pounding heart, she turned to the source of the voice. It took a moment for the lights to adjust, but when they did, Raven couldn’t help but let out a gasp.
“Dad? How are you here?” Her weak voice rose sharply.
Dad took a step forward, his hands held out in a sign for her to calm down. “Hey, it’s just me, there’s no need to be angry.”
Raven’s eyes widened and her veins began to bulge. “Don’t be angry? Don’t be angry?! Who wouldn’t be angry? You faked your death for three years!” She looked down to see a bowl in his hands. “And, you ate all of my cereal!”
Dad laughed. “You know I’m a sucker for Fruit Loops.”
Usually Raven loved that laugh, but right now she wanted to throttle him.
“That still doesn’t explain how you’re here,” Raven said, setting the guitar aside and folding her arms across her chest.
Dad gazed at her, their eyes locking. Raven could see a sad solemnity swirling in his irises. “Raven, I didn’t fake my death. You know I’m not really here.”
Raven felt her heart drop, and her voice dropped along with it. “Not really here? But you look so real.”
Dad let out a sigh. “I’m as real as you make me.”
Raven shook her head. “I don’t believe this.”
“To be honest, I don’t either,” Dad said, peering awkwardly down at the floor.
Raven wanted to cry and scream at the same time. She could hardly register what her own brain was doing to her. Before she could stop herself, Raven was crying again. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I’m not angry with you, I’m just confused and scared. The mere thought of you used to completely break me down, yet now you’re somehow talking to me. It’s a lot to take in.”
There was a pregnant pause before Dad spoke again, filled only with Raven’s muffled sobs. “I know, Raven. I’m so sorry for all the pain and suffering I’ve put you through.” He paused, on the brink of tears. “I really didn’t want to go. I dreaded knowing everyday would probably be my last. I hated knowing what I was doing to you. If I had a choice, Raven, I would have stayed with you forever. It tore me apart.”
Raven peered up at her father, eyes wet and watery but now filled with pity. “I can’t even imagine what you went through. I hated you for months, and apparently years, but now I realize how stupid I was being.”
Dad couldn’t help but smile a little. “You’re not stupid, Raven. Any normal person would be mad. Hell, even I was mad for a while.”
Raven’s tearstained face looked out of place as she let out a laugh, and Dad looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Noticing his expression, Raven quickly explained. “Sorry, it’s just, you? Mad? I don’t think I have ever seen you mad.”
“Hey, I’ve had my days,” Dad said with a slight grin.
Raven giggled. “Sure, sure.”
There was an awkward silence as Raven wiped the tears from her face and took calming breaths. Dad looked around the foreign room. “So, I see you are no longer stuck in the house with Mum.”
Raven sighed. “Nope. I managed to make it to college.”
“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”
Raven twiddled with her fingers with a guilty look on her face. “Well, I feel awful for leaving Mum by herself.”
“Raven, look at me.” Raven slowly peered up into her father’s piercing gaze. “Mum is fine. She will be okay.” He started crying.
Raven panicked. “Dad, please don’t cry. I just stopped and now you’re going to make me start again.”
After a few moments, Dad wiped the tears away and sniffed. “Sorry, it’s just- Raven, I am so proud of you.” Admiration filled his shining eyes. “You managed to find time for school, even when you were suffering. You continued with life, even when you were in unbearable pain. That takes a lot of dedication and courage.”
“Yeah, I guess I did.” Raven blushed.
“Don’t be so modest. You should be proud of yourself.” Tears filled his eyes again. “My little blackbird is all grown up.”
Raven began to cry as well, and they pulled each other into a tight embrace. Tears flowed freely, neither person caring to stop them. When they had both calmed down, Raven pulled away, looking down at her jacket. “Ugh, you made me all wet,” she joked, a smile growing on her face.
Dad laughed. “I see you still have your sense of humor.”
“Come on, I have to have something going for me. I mean, look at me, I’m a hot mess.”
Dad chuckled, but quickly became solemn once again. “Raven, you have grown into the most strong, beautiful, amazing young woman I have ever seen,” he said seriously. Then, lowering his voice to a whisper, he added, “And that’s including Mum. But don’t tell her I said that.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Raven said with a laugh.
“And seriously, if anyone ever breaks you, I swear, I will haunt them until the day they die.”
Raven smiled. “Geez, I’m sure glad I have a ghost on my side.”
“You better be,” Dad said. He looked down at her backpack by the desk. “So, what did you decide to study?”
Raven glanced at her books. “Architecture. It always seemed amazing to me how buildings came to be. And, I love drawing, so it just seemed like a perfect fit.”
Dad nodded. “You are going to make a great architect.”
Raven beamed. “Thanks, Dad. It really means a lot to me. Mum wasn’t so sure about me pursuing it, so it’s nice to have you on my side.”
“I will always be on your side, Raven. You’re my daughter, and not to mention, the best daughter anyone could ever ask for.”
Raven hugged him tightly. “And you’re the best dad anyone could ask for.” Looking down, she suddenly noticed Dad’s feet were fading. Her smile quickly turned to a frown. “Dad, something’s happening.”
Dad looked down at himself, and heaved a sigh. “I should’ve known my time would be limited.”
Raven looked at him with wide eyes. “You’re not leaving already, are you? You can’t! You just got here!”
Dad gazed at her sadly. “I’m afraid so, Raven. Just remember, I will always be cheering for you, and you can always talk to me. I am so proud of you. Always hold on to that.”
Raven was sobbing. “No Dad, please, please don’t go.”
Dad smiled wistfully. “I love you, my little blackbird.”
Raven pulled him tight, her tears tangling between them. “I love you too, Dad.”
They continued to embrace, Raven sobbing into his shirt until she was hugging empty air. She willed the void to once again be filled with Dad’s warm presence, but after a minute or two, she accepted defeat, collapsing back into the chair by her desk.
She continued crying for several minutes, her body racked over in heavy sobs, until no more tears were falling. She hunched over, her body sore and aching, until she finally found the will to move. Sitting up slowly, she did the first thing that came to mind and grabbed the guitar laying beside her. Pulling it into her grip, she let her fingers and dry, cracked voice once again find the notes that had previously brought her comfort.
“Blackbird singing in the dead of night”
THE END.
