Her Soul

It’s drizzling quietly as I stand outside the seemingly warm and normal home. Duffel bag in one hand and keys to my old barely alive car in the other. If anyone drove by they would have no idea how loud and disruptive this house had been only moments earlier. When my Father had finally decided to kick me out of the house.

Today marks the horror of my 18th birthday and it has been a long time coming. My Father had never liked me, I had always been the least favorite child. Not that there were many children to pick from, it was just my dad, my sister and I living in this empty feeling house. For every ounce that my father hated me, he loved my sister, keiyle, the same amount. I never resented her for it, after all how can you blame a 9 year old. Plus she loved me just as much as my father hated me. Her love was more than enough for me to ignore my Father’s disinterest.

Well, it had been enough. Now my father was kicking me to the curb, making it unlikely that I would ever see her again.

My father had started the morning of my most memorable birthday by practically knocking my door off of its hinges at six am and announcing “start packing, I want you gone in two hours.” I could barely comprehend him, still reeling from the bang my door had made.

“What? Can you repeat yourself please Father.”

I was only ever allowed to call him Father, he would get angry at me as a child if I ever tried to call him dad or daddy. You learn fast after a few beatings.

“You heard me, get up and pack. You leave in two hours regardless of whether or not you have all of your junk.”

I didn’t even respond to him, I just silently nodded and scooted off my bed. He snorted and mumbled something incoherent as he left, probably something less than nice about me.

Most people would probably react more violently to being kicked out of their home. But if you, like me, had been told for as long as you could remember that your father couldn’t wait until he could no longer be held legally responsible for you and kick you out? You would probably be resigned too. And for that very reason I already had a bag packed, I just had to add the few clothes left in my closet.

As I grabbed my last meager possessions from my closet, I noticed something hidden in the back. A little stuffed bunny. It’s barely recognizable, it’s so dirty and tattered that I could barely even tell what it’s original shape had been. After further inspection I realized it had been my most prized possession as a little kid. It must’ve been so tattered because I refused to go anywhere without it. Poor bunny, at least it had been loved. I grabbed it, and then threw the rest of my clothes in the duffel bag and zipped it up. I should host a show, “how to pack in ten minutes or less before getting kicked to the curb”.

Now that I had all my stuff, I laid down in front of my bed and felt around under it until I found what I needed. Stuffing my fingers under the loose floorboard I was looking for and prying it out of the ground, I reach into the hole and grab all the cash hidden in it. As well as my passport and a picture of me and my sister Keiyle a few years back. I had to hide the cash because any money my Father found he took as “rent”. Even as a kid any money I found, even if it was a penny off the ground, he would take from me. I learned young to hide anything important to me before my Father could find it.

With my bag packed, there was just one thing left to do. I left my room and headed to keiyle’s just down the hall. I quietly opened the door and dropped the duffel bag by her bed before kneeling. I shook her gently, “Hey Key, can you wake up for a second sweety”.

She groaned “Go away. Im sleeeeeepyyyyy”

It made me chuckle, Keiyle had always been dramatic. I get more serious, “Keiyle it’s important”. She wakes up to this, I almost never use her full name.

“What’s wrong Fee? You’re supposed to be happy! Are you mad because I was supposed to make you a birthday breakfast but I forgot except I didn’t forget I just didn’t want to get out of my warm bed? How’d you even know that I was going to do that? It was supposed to be a surprise-”

I laughed again, and interrupted her rambling “I’m not mad, Key. I have something important to tell you.”

She rolled her eyes “what’s so important that you had to wake me up at like three am silly, it’s still dark.”

“Keiyle I’m leaving.”

That shut her up. Silence fell for a while. I couldn’t look her in the eyes so I just focused on the floor. Then I heard her sniffle so I looked up only to see tears welling up in her eyes.

“You’re leaving me alone with daddy?” she sniffled again.

I winced at that, even though Father was exceptionally more loving and doting to my sister she didn’t trust him. Partly because she was just as protective of me as I was of her, and because there was something… Off about my father. Plus I had taken care of Keiyle since she had been born and our mother had died during childbirth. I was basically Keiyle’s only normal parent and had been her entire life, which is saying something.

My throat feels tight and I barely whisper out, “I don’t have a choice.”

She sobs and I pull her tight to my chest.

“Don’t cry Key, please don’t cry.” I rub her back soothingly, trying to calm her down just as much as I’m trying to calm myself.

I suddenly remembered what I had found in my closet, and reached behind me to grab the object. I present the stuffed bunny to Keiyle and she gradually starts to calm down.

“What is it?” she asks.

“It’s a bunny, my going away present to you.”

“Oh,” She mumbles “But it’s your birthday, you’re supposed to get presents, not me”.

I just smiled “Key it’s yours, I want you to have it. I don’t care that I’m not getting any gifts.”

She gave me a small pout, “Fee, I can’t believe you don’t think I got you anything.”

She gently pushed me off of her and got out of bed. She then headed over to her dresser, and got on her tiptoes to grab a small jewelry box off of the top. She came back over to me and sat on the ground next to me with her back against the bed. Giving me a bright smile, Keiyle opened the box, and pulled out a necklace with a small S pendant on it.

“The S is for sister, but also for strength, because you’re the strongest person I know Fee.” She gave me a shy look and then handed it over.

It’s all I can do to keep the tears from falling, and my body from shutting down. This gift meant everything to me. I will always be strong for my sister.

As soon as I was sure my voice wouldn’t break with emotion, I responded. “This is the best gift I have ever received.” I tell her truthfully.

She grinned, and we sat in silence for a while.

“Faye! You’d better be ready because your two hours are up.” My Father bellowed from down the stairs, breaking up the tranquility that I had known wouldn’t last.

I gave Keiyle one last sad smile before getting up off the floor. I then gave her a hand up, “I love you Key, don’t ever forget that.”

She started to cry again, and I heard Father downstairs yelling about how I need to get out now.

“You should stay up here, I don’t want you to come outside with me. It’s raining.” And it was true, it was raining. But that wasn’t the real reason I didn’t want her to head out with me. I wasn’t sure if I could hold my tears in for that long, and I especially wasn’t sure if I could contain myself as I saw her sad face as I drove away. Luckily she didn’t argue with me.

“I love you too Fee, I’ll see you again right?”

I hoped against hope that I would, but I had no idea when or if I would ever see my sister again. So I just nodded, grabbed my duffel bag off the ground, and turned around to leave. As soon as I got to the front door I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around expecting keiyle but it was my Father.

“Good riddance” he mumbled “No more trouble in this house.”

It was true that trouble followed me. When I was a kid I always seemed to get into trouble for things I hadn’t even done. Broken vases and other unexplainable things were easily explained by others. Of course the only possible option was me, and people soon realized they could blame stuff they’d done on me. I had gotten into trouble so often that I eventually embraced the trouble making lifestyle. If you can’t prove your innocence, why not be guilty?

I looked my Father in the eye and scoff. I chose not to respond to him. If I’m being honest? There’s nothing left to say. I pull my keys out of my jacket pocket and turn around. Before I could turn the handle to the front door, I heard footsteps once more. This time much quicker. Fearing the worst I whipped around as a small body tackled me. To my relief it’s Keiyle.

“You can’t leave without a goodbye hug” she told me in a watery voice.

I pulled her up into my arms. “This isn’t goodbye Key, I promise I’ll see you again” I heard my Father snort in the corner. I ignored him, but I felt my heart drop a little. I could only hope this was a promise I could keep.

I looked down at her little body and saw she had the rabbit secured in her arms. I smile wide, “Plus Mr. Rabbit will protect you until I can make it back”.

I heard my father clear his throat, so I hugged Keiyle as tight as I could before setting her down. I mouth “I love you” to her not trusting my voice, before I turn around once more and finally open the front door. Taking one step out onto the front porch and closing the door behind me I take a deep breath. If this was freedom, Why does it hurt so much?