Chapter 1
I scowl. The party is too loud, and I’m not liking the looks I’ve been getting.
I glare at a tall lanky guy that has been eye fucking me for the last half an hour.
Honestly, I thought college boys were supposed to be mature, but some of them clearly can’t keep it in their pants.
I hate this sort of thing. But I remind myself, I need to get out and enjoy life. My eye flickers to the dance floor where my best friend is twerking with some guy. She’s clearly enjoying herself.
“Why are you all alone, sweetheart?” I glance behind me, where a man is standing holding a bottle of beer.
“Sorry, not interested.” I say and turn away for what feels like the billionth time.
“What’s your name?” I frown. Why can’t he take a hint?
“Astrid.”
He slides his hand slowly down my skirt and I stuck in a breath, swatting his hand away. Creep. He smirks, a sly grin that makes me uncomfortable.
I stand. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
His hand reaches out and grabs my wrist. I immediately twist out of his grip and hurry away. I head into a stall and take deep breaths in and out.
“Meadows of green grass, horses galloping, kittens, puppies.” I murmur to myself, trying to clear my head, taking deep breaths in.
I pull out my phone and dial Rebecca’s number.
“Hey.” I say as she picks up.
“Hey, if you have had enough you can head off, I’m going to go home with Robert.” She says, and I can hear the excitement in her voice.
“Ok be careful alright?” I warn.
“Of course.”
I take a deep breath, and head to the exit, keeping my head down, so nobody can see the tears that stain my face. I wish I could forget about that night, but I can’t. It haunts me every single day.
I drive home, and collapse on my bed. I hear a knock on the door and look up to see Marian, standing at the door.
“There you are! I made you some cheese on toast.” She smiles, and my heart warms. She might not be family, but Marian is the closest thing to it, my father employed her years ago to take care of me.
“Thank you.” She studies my face. “Are you ok?” I nod, shakily.
“Alright, I’ll leave you to it.”
I swallow a pill from a container sitting on my bedside table, then I close my eyes, and pray for a dreamless night.
When I wake, It is 3am. I lie in bed shaking. I can’t remember the last time I got more than 5 hours of sleep. Every night I am haunted by the same bright green eyes.
I climb out of bed and wander to the kitchen, deciding to make myself some tea, to calm my nerves.
My phone dings, and I open it to see a text from Rebecca.
Damn you should have seen his penis! 8 inches no joke!
I chuckle and reply.
I take it he was good?
The best :) what are you doing up at this hour?
Couldn’t sleep :(
Nightmare again?
Yea, the usual. So, tell me more about this Robert guy :)
Oh my god his mouth...
The next morning Rebecca texts me just as I am opening my eyes, from my mid-morning nap.
What are you wearing to charity gala tonight?
Fuck, I had forgotten all about that stupid gala.
I love supporting charity, but these events are only for pretences, none of the people care about the cause, it’s all about image. And that is why my father forces me to attend every single one. We have to play the part of the perfect family, even though we couldn’t be further from it.
No idea haha, haven’t even thought about it.
Shopping trip at 12?
You got it!
I finish my tea, and stare at the ceiling. I know I need to move on with my life. But I don’t know how.
Its been 2 years, but I can’t bring myself to start dating. Even flirting with guys makes me nervous. The only reason I went out last night was because Rebecca practically forced me, claiming I need to get out more.
I slip into some jeans and pull a sweatshirt over my head. Then I jump into my car, and drive to Salls diner, where me and Rebecca meet every day for our daily coffee.
I grin as I spot Rebecca. “Hey, you look good!” I smile. She’s practically glowing. Me on the other hand, my hair is a tangled mess and I have dark circles under my eyes.
“Thanks!”
We waltz from store to store, chatting about her latest hook up.
“So what was it like?”
“Oh my god his mouth was like the best thing ever!” She squeals. I crack up laughing. “Really?”
“Yea omg you so need to start dating.”
I frown. Maybe she’s right, it’s been 2 years.
“I dunno Beck. Guys suck.” She smirks. I roll my eyes at her filthy mind.
I wave to Sally, the owner of Salls. “Hey girlies, the usual?”
We nod “Thanks Sall.” We both get free coffee, as we work there part time, which is good because we are both equally addicted.
She studies me.
“You look so tired.” I nod.
“I am.” I have been living off coffee and energy drinks for the last month, and its starting to catch up to me.
“Did the doc approve the sleeping meds yet?”
“Nope apparently I am too reliant on them.” I scowl. I was not happy about that decision.
“Maybe he is right?” I roll my eyes. She’s right I am too reliant on them, but how else am I supposed to sleep?
