What is your opinion?
A free America
"A captivating story that throws light into mankind's supposed attempt into bettering society through dictatorial ways; ways that only inflict torture instead of nurturing good in the people. This work should guide mankind to rethink some of their concepts about a better world."
Good Start
"I enjoyed reading this chapter. Your writing style is clear and easy to read - the chapter wasn't confusing. I also liked the way the dystopian setting was set up, and the character seemed nice. However, you have one problem (which I and probably everyone else have had in the past) and that is: show, not tell. During the chapter, you told us about the world, and everyone around it. Instead, try revealing small details about the setting over time - it will cause mystery and intrigue. Also, when you say people are dead, try showing that instead. EG: "I slid the panel to the side, entering the lady's home. A rank smell lay about the place, and red stains coated the carpet. At first, it seemed the woman had caused more damage than the guard, for they lay about. A few severed heads had rolled near to the fireplace, a haphazard cut running through the necks. Quickly, I rushed to the next room, bile rising in my throat." Etc. So, I'd suggest trying to work on the showing (which will also cause even more tension), but apart from that, the chapter was a very nice start! Well done! I hope the advice helps, and good luck for the book!"
